To Those Who've Been Beaten Up...

[Pakadlangitok]

Hi Radise
I know this is an old post but yes I have punched myself in the face. I often want to hurt myself. Interesting how you phrased it "Do you become your own abuser?" Wow..........yes and it makes me sad.

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

We self-abuse because, although painful, it is familiar. Many people go on to abuse themselves even after their abuser(s) are long gone. My vice was cutting. I still get the urge sometimes, but I have to try to rationalize that feeling, and understand that it feeds dysfunction and can cause physical issues such as scars, infections, etc.

 

[WhisperingUnicorn]

My question to you guys is -do you also experience this? Do you become your abuser and then you start harming yourself as if you were them?

Popping in on this one "late" also ..

I "self-abuse" (I'm "self-aware" enough to know this, but the actions are primarily "invisible" in the form of an "inner critic" or whatever.) My own experience is more akin to what Whispering_Truth just said above - "it is familiar" .. My vice was deep into self-loathing, and if such "condemnation" was/is missing - like I'm genuinely happy!? - I MADE my own "drama" to have chaos and something "worthy" of the condemnation .. but this was mainly all "internal" .. my heart/mind/spirit (not so much body, except I was a serious over-eater, morbidly obese, which was also a form of self-abuse, but more easily "excused" ...)

My husband (PTSD sufferer), however, self-abuses - and while also mainly "invisible" - it is VERY profoundly ugly. :( His "inner critic" is on overdrive. He will literally yell at himself in the shower, when he thinks I can't hear him, "You dumba$$! Who do you think you are, you stupid f***, you're so full of sh*t, you bleep bleep bleeeeeeep bleep bleep cuss cuss CUSSSSSS bleep....." It's NOT my husband, at heart, it's something altogether mimicking my husband's dad and other past abusers. :( This HAS gotten lessened over the past few months - though I've witnessed it in his reality for years - and I think there has been some healing in this area. But INSIDE my husband's mind, it's as if this "inner critic" really IS physically abusing my husband's tender-spirit .. beating himself down so that this "protective" front can have dominance .. It has scared me in times past .. less so now, cuz he's much better .. but it makes me want to jump in front of this invisible "abuser" and take the blows FOR my man .. and I can't .. :(

~WU