Treading On Eggshells

[Jimmy1]

Here is a post that I where I would like some feedback from the opposite sex, and anyone else who wants to put their 2 cents worth in.

I have mentioned in previous posts about having a trust issue with women. For those who may not have read the post, my second ex-wife left me for good during the PTSD course I did here. It was an eight week course, and she came along as a support person. It was during one of the sessions, when she realised that it was a never ending illness, that she decided it was over for good. Prior to that it was like a light switch, on again, off again. haha.

Anyway since then, I went through bit of a man whore stage, and also had several steady (sort of) relationships. One of the ladies turned out to be a compulsive liar, another an alcoholic, and the last did not want anything real permanent and had a lot of emotional problems her self. By the way, both of my wives had affairs on me because I was away so much. So basically I held every woman at arms length and did not want to get emotionally attached.

Now though, I have met the woman of my dreams and I am a little scared (men are not meant to say that), I think I have actually fallen in love again. She loves me too, and for who I am and what I am now. She knows how nasty PTSD can be. I say 'can be'. So I am determined to do everything in my power to look after this.

The reason for the name of the post 'Treading On Eggshells' is that I don't want to mess things up.

Do I just let myself go and see what happens, or should I keep a little bit in reserve and tread cautiously????

 

[abnvet]

I'd say it is really how you feel. If you don't want to be alone during this then yes, go for it. You already know the worst that can happen correct? (She can leave). It is not like this is your first dance......She has tested the dance floor and knows the moves. Only you can see how she acts to your ptsd brother.....

My first wife left after my episodes with ptsd. She promised to stick with me after I returned from Iraq but it was just her saying words. I wanted to believe that she would be in it for the long haul but I felt it coming. You know that feeling........when your girl/guy is about to end the relationship........

 

[Jimmy1]

Yeah mate, I do know how you feel. Have experienced it a lot, but I know this is different. I do not even know why I wrote the post. My mind is made up.

 

[Nicolette]

Do I just let myself go and see what happens

Jimmy, IMHO yes. I mean geez, look who I am married to :p and I have had bloodied feet from walking on egg shells in the earlier years when Anthony was going through his divorce and having access issues with his children. Yes my feet hurt but my heart knew he was a good man so I soldiered on.

I think there is the right person for everyone out there and if you change as a person, say as significantly as PTSD changes you and the stages you go through, that sometimes the type of person right for you changes if they don't have the 'overall' match for you. I also believe people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

Its funny as from the people who knew Anthony before, and even himself, it has been said that I am the best bits of all the different women he has dated. Does that mean I will be right for him until the end, hell, I don't know but I sure hope so. Even his ex mother-in law pulled me aside and said, I have never seen Anthony so peaceful and happy than now he is with you compared to the 5 or so years he was with her daughter. That was a pretty big statement if you ask me.

Is there anything Anthony could have done differently....probably no but from my side I wish he would have talked more openly but he is who he is.

Is there anything you can do? Nothing but do what you think is right and allow your heart in while still trusting your gut. If it was meant to be it will be. When my past relationships failed I thought well at least I'm one step closer to finding the right person for me.

My opinion - don't over think it and just go for it. If she already loves you for who you are then it is likely she will continue to do so. Every relationship has ups and downs, people get sick and things get tough. The only advice I would give is to make sure that when you are getting 'sick' you let her know and make sure that before this happens tell her it's nothing to do with her, you will still love her and what the best thing she can do for you is. I sometimes still forget to leave Anthony alone when he is unwell as I am only human but we still always get there.

Good luck to you Jimmy!

 

[brodes]

Hey guys, yea both my wifes had affairs i dont blame them any more ,i just blame my friggin self for not being there for them when they needed me most. Now i have this big problem of trust, dont want to be like that ,but how do i get around it, have met some really nice ladies ,but then i make excuses and run. Im really frightened of telling them that i have p.t.s.d, and that i have been through one divorce and one pretty well on its way.I am still very good friends with both my ex's, which i think is a good thing as i don't hold any animosity at all towards them, as i can only imagigine what i put both of them through. Something that my beautiful Daughter tought me, try not to hold animosity, as it will tear you apart into little peices.Anyhow hope im not talking rubbish thought i would just write some thing, little bit off today. Take care every one. Kind Regards Matt

 

[willis williams]

Matt I've never been cheated on that I know of but I can say I did some cheating and I know that it really busted up the trust with the ex. You will find someone and that will go away the right person will take that baggege and throw it out. My issues from all the problems of my marriage left me when I met Seren maybe little things pop up but nothing to serious. So you will find somebody and you will just know. TEX

 

[Ladyhope Somerset]

Hi Matt, keep and open mind about future relationships, see where they go. Let's face it, nothing's guaranteed, we never know for sure but both partners have to decide if it's worth it.

In my experience of working in mental health, rather than saying the name of the diagnosis it's easier for the other person if you explain the individual symptoms. People get scared of what they don't know (the diagnosis) but most people can understand anxiety, depression etc to a certain degree. The one I knew nothing about and one of the most useful thing's I learnt, from this forum, was about hyper-vigilance as a result of military training.

Me & my hubby will have been married 8 years next month, we've made it through some really tough times which I guess some folks would've found too much. I love him for who he is, a kind hearted wonderful guy who's got a massive load of stuff to cope with. We don't talk much, try not to do too much (that's something I constantly have to remind myself about) but I am proud of him and just love being with him.

He went to bed a couple of hours ago, has now come downstairs having woken up because of a nightmare. He will do his grounding exercises and make a cup of tea, play tetris and I'll be off to bed. He will wake me in the morning, we'll have breakfast together and give the day our best shot :)

 

[brodes]

Hi Matt, keep and open mind about future relationships, see where they go. Let's face it, nothing's guaranteed, we never know for sure but both partners have to decide if it's worth it.

In my experience of working in mental health, rather than saying the name of the diagnosis it's easier for the other person if you explain the individual symptoms. People get scared of what they don't know (the diagnosis) but most people can understand anxiety, depression etc to a certain degree. The one I knew nothing about and one of the most useful thing's I learnt, from this forum, was about hyper-vigilance as a result of military training.

Me & my hubby will have been married 8 years next month, we've made it through some really tough times which I guess some folks would've found too much. I love him for who he is, a kind hearted wonderful guy who's got a massive load of stuff to cope with. We don't talk much, try not to do too much (that's something I constantly have to remind myself about) but I am proud of him and just love being with him.

He went to bed a couple of hours ago, has now come downstairs having woken up because of a nightmare. He will do his grounding exercises and make a cup of tea, play tetris and I'll be off to bed. He will wake me in the morning, we'll have breakfast together and give the day our best shot :)

Hey there resillientgirl,thanks for your kind words much appreciated,your husband is a very lucky man to have some one like you to,and i think he is very proud of you too,you both sound like very strong people. What your saying i think is very true,i suppose i should stop being so pessimistic all the time[One of my little Floors].I some times think how i would eventually bring my illness up, with out scaring the other person off. Any how some thing i need to work on. Congrats on your aniversary soon, hope you guys have plenty more of them, and it sounds lkie you will. Kind Regards Matt from down under, Sleep well .

 

[brodes]

Matt I've never been cheated on that I know of but I can say I did some cheating and I know that it really busted up the trust with the ex. You will find someone and that will go away the right person will take that baggege and throw it out. My issues from all the problems of my marriage left me when I met Seren maybe little things pop up but nothing to serious. So you will find somebody and you will just know. TEX

Thanks willis williams ,sounds like you found a really great person, i will have to send you some pics of bike when i get her. Cheers mate Take Care. Matt form down under.

 

[Jimmy1]

I think we are twins mate (god help you), both of my ex wives had affairs too.

Do not blame yourself though.

I do believe in 'Till Death Do You Part' and you will find the right woman. I had trust issues until now. I have met the most perfect woman in the whole world.

Jimmy

 

[brodes]

Thanks jimmy, my ears were burning too[lol]. Hope your doin well my friend.Gona hit the rack early tonight see how i go, fingers crossed. Take Care son.Regards Matt. p/s Hey did you know a bloke by the name of Macca[ Jamie Mcdonald]?

 

[Need an Oasis]

Hey Jimmy (and everyone),

I have been cheated on by my ex-boyfriend (who had combat PTSD, could not handle it, gave up, and committed suicide) with my best friend at the time, it went on for a long time. I just found this out a few weeks ago through the same friend, years after the fact, she confessed to me. I'm bitter and angry about that but I refuse to let that affect my current relationship. My fiance and I have our differences and disagreements, but I know that he would never, ever cheat on me. I just know. I have to trust. It sounds like you met a really nice woman. I don't think you should hold back. You say that she knows how bad PTSD can be and that she loves you for who and what you are. Take a leap of faith, because unless you do, how can you have a shot a happiness if you hold back a part of yourself? And, like Resilientgirl said, how can you decide if it will work or not work if she is not fully aware of what she is signing on for? Give her (and you) a good chance from the start. :)