simple riddle
New Here
I'm new here, and i'm scared.
The first time I was hospitalized, I was 17 years old. I stayed for a week in a psyciatric hospital after a failed suicide attempt. I was evaluated in the hospital, and diagnosed with PTSD by the staffing psyciatrist.
Upon my release, I did a three week partial day program (intensive group and one on one therapy, five days a week, 6 hours a day). In that program, I admitted to my therapist that I was sexually abused by my uncle at 8 years old.
My diagnosis was almost releaving, because at least I had somewhat of an explanation to certain things that were happening to me.
I dealt with the out of body experiences by cutting. I thought I was going crazy, it felt as if I was looking down on myself... I thought I was loosing my mind.
The first time I had a panic attack, I thought I was dying. The physical sypmtoms of the attacks terrified me.
When I started having flash backs, the panic attacks and out of body experiences got worse. I really thought the abuse was happening all over again. Even typing this is causing great anxiety.
I have since been hospitalized two more times, sometimes I feel like I can't deal with this anymore. Talking about the abuse is so hard, because it feels as if it is happening over, and over, and over again.
I don't know if what i'm going through is normal. After reading some of the other posts on here, I do feel slightly better that I'm not alone. I still feel crazy though.
There is so much more to say, but I can't right now.
I posted this thread under "relationships" because initially I wanted to talk about the relationship I am in. I'm trying to save the relationship with my partner. The PTSD is causing so much strain with us. I'm afraid to open up to him, because I feel dirty, disgusting, and guilty. I don't want him to judge me. I've told him about the abuse, and he is trying very hard.
I know that he is trying to understand, but it is so hard for me to talk about things without being thrown back into it.
I need help.
The first time I was hospitalized, I was 17 years old. I stayed for a week in a psyciatric hospital after a failed suicide attempt. I was evaluated in the hospital, and diagnosed with PTSD by the staffing psyciatrist.
Upon my release, I did a three week partial day program (intensive group and one on one therapy, five days a week, 6 hours a day). In that program, I admitted to my therapist that I was sexually abused by my uncle at 8 years old.
My diagnosis was almost releaving, because at least I had somewhat of an explanation to certain things that were happening to me.
I dealt with the out of body experiences by cutting. I thought I was going crazy, it felt as if I was looking down on myself... I thought I was loosing my mind.
The first time I had a panic attack, I thought I was dying. The physical sypmtoms of the attacks terrified me.
When I started having flash backs, the panic attacks and out of body experiences got worse. I really thought the abuse was happening all over again. Even typing this is causing great anxiety.
I have since been hospitalized two more times, sometimes I feel like I can't deal with this anymore. Talking about the abuse is so hard, because it feels as if it is happening over, and over, and over again.
I don't know if what i'm going through is normal. After reading some of the other posts on here, I do feel slightly better that I'm not alone. I still feel crazy though.
There is so much more to say, but I can't right now.
I posted this thread under "relationships" because initially I wanted to talk about the relationship I am in. I'm trying to save the relationship with my partner. The PTSD is causing so much strain with us. I'm afraid to open up to him, because I feel dirty, disgusting, and guilty. I don't want him to judge me. I've told him about the abuse, and he is trying very hard.
I know that he is trying to understand, but it is so hard for me to talk about things without being thrown back into it.
I need help.
