Wanting to be Alone

[mommamouse]

I'm off work today and tomorrow. Great!!! My ex had a death in the family (brother) over the holidays which put a damper on the holidays (to say the least). Anyway, it has really been gloomy since Thanksgiving. The family had the memorial service on Christmas Eve (gloomy or what?). Christmas was tense. Me working, rushing around doing a little shopping after work, cooking, cleaning, getting little sleep . . . but then I guess, who doesn't this time of year. Anyway I knew I had the two days off so I was looking forward to being alone, hanging out at home, sleeping and just doing nothing. We had agreed not to go crazy on gifts and celebrating to honor my ex's brother death. All that aside, my ex just called to say he and his wife are on their way over with presents for everybody. And he had me on speaker phone, so I had to say 'okay.' Okay, it's the season for family, friends, and merriment, but I just don't feel like it right now. I just wanted to be alone. When I stress, I si and he knows it. Then he cranks on me (and he doesn't care who is around) about it and my entire evening is ruined which makes me even more urgy. Geez.

 

[Seeking_Nirvana]

Hi mom,
I'm sorry to hear that. If I was you, since he doesn't respect your boundaries. I would have told him not to bother coming over because you were not going to be home. Then I would shut the lights off and close the curtains and let them ring the doorbell until hell freezes over.

Also, next time he puts you on speaker phone to try and expose you, tell him that those phone calls will get interrupted by being immediately disconnected.

I just learned to set boundaries myself and it's hard to do. But for you own health it has to be done, or the healing time will go slower.

Take care
Tammy

 

[just tina]

Your ex and his wife?! Sheesh.

 

[Deleted member 93]

Not sure if your ex and extended are like mine... They are still just family, you can have it that way too along with other extremes of exs. And being family they annoy just the same. My ex husband and my husband are in the next room cutting up with the kids all being very loud and I am hiding in here right now for some quiet. So we too are doing a delayed xmas and I would rather be left alone too right now. This one even was part of a trauma... But he is "different" and is remorseful. Man the holidays are always a bit strange for everyone aren't they? Just I get the I want to be alone thing.

 

[pandora]

Well.....I am enjoying the peace and quiet of having no one around to take care of...sleep when I want watch tv and talk to no one on the phone. I could NOT handle a group of people in my home right now.....nope not at all. I have two days of me time. I really understand wanting to be alone too.....sometimes lonely but sometimes just the peace and quiet helps. Take Care.

 

[Marlene]

I understand that 'I want to be alone' feeling so well. There are very few times that I get a complete break from the world. And the last thing I want to do is invite it back in when I've finally gotten away. Peace and quiet, no demands, no obligations...just being let alone for a while.

My mother tells me, 'You can't hide from the world in your house.' I tell her, 'Watch me!' Shoot...it's the only place I get to hide.

Lisa

 

[Grama-Herc]

Most people do not understand the need for alone time. They always have to be doing or going, etc. They actually can not just sit down and relax. And they think we are strange! Alone time is as important as food and sleep, if not more important.

I can not imagine not being able to go off some place quiet and be with no one but me. Noise, people, can't handle it. I know how you feel. It took me a long time to get to the point where I could let that phone ring and really not care who it was. My time is just that. MY Time. I need it, you need it, heck we all need it.

It will all be over soon and we can go back to having some control over our life. I know once the dust settles from the holidays we will all feel more relaxed--if that is possible.

Take a deep breath snd go hide in the bathroom. Works for me

 

[secondchance]

Nirvana

Alone time is like Nirvana for me too! My husband's family lives 240 miles away and never lets us know when they are coming to town. They just call and say they will be here in 20 minutes ( and sometimes they expect to stay with us). :mad:
For 13 years I have put up with this but it always makes me so mad. My husband gets it but ill never speak up. I worry too much about how clean my house is, groceries, etc. They are professional gossipers so the entire city will know upon their return everything about us. How we are getting along, if the house was too dirty etc. What a pain! I always make sure I retire early with a good book. They can not control THAT. The sad thing is if I could plan..I would probably enjoy them. Hang in there..they will go away eventually:crazy:

 

[hollyberry]

Most people do not understand the need for alone time. They always have to be doing or going, etc. They actually can not just sit down and relax. And they think we are strange!

That use to be me...I couldn't stop going, (just like the bunny) But know I love my down time....It can be so peacefull being by myself now....Holly