General What's the Best Response?

[anthony]

I don't believe that is what its asking Evie. It asks if the PTSD sufferers opinion is the only opinion that counts for the PTSD sufferer within a relationship. I don't believe it specifies specific PTSD aspects, simply that a persons opinion is the only right opinion, which isn't necessarily correct. Because what the question is basically asking is: How do you give your opinion to someone who doesn't want to listen to another's opinion? This is quite typical in a sufferer... it takes a change of thinking style to be open to listen to another's opinion, and value others opinion and accept that your opinion whilst valid, may not always be the right way to approach something.

I think that is what this is about!!! Though please correct me if wrong Hope.

 

[batgirl]

Oh okay thanks for that explanation, that makes more sense to me now. I understand needing to convince someone to do things a different way, or convincing someone that they need treatment or whatever, but the words "point of view" and "opinion" kind of threw me off. Because, a carer can be just as wrong in their point of view as a sufferer. But I guess that isn't the point and I probably shouldn't be participating anyhow as I'm not in a relationship.

 

[anthony]

Because, a carer can be just as wrong in their point of view as a sufferer.

Absolutely agree Evie....

 

[Mr.Bo.Angstman]

I don't know what to say. Maybe, I could say more if my wife wasn't involved or able to read this. Here is an example of what I am talking about: I think right from the beginning because of my alcoholism, in regards to the children, my opinion always ends up secondary in regards to how to raise them. Instead of dealing with a specific issue about our children, my wife has a tendency to turn it around and make it an issue about me and not the children. And thus the specific issue that we began to opine about becomes lost. This seems to be the most prevalent problem we have, in my opinion, when we are involved in discussion.

Another examples is the very frustrating issue of overspending on the children with money we don't have. When I bring up the issue of overspending on the children, it can easily get turned around into an issue about our overspending on ciggerettes, and the issue of overspending on the children get lost and forgotten.

I certainly don't mean to say that every issue discussed by us has two different points of view or lacks my wife's consideration and respect. I do, however believe that I have been practicing picking my battles, but I am averse to bring these issues up at a later date due to the ramifications of her PTSD symptoms arising.

By the way, Thank you for all of your inputs regarding this matter. I have gained some insight and it has been very helpful.

 

[Kathy]

Thank you though for explaining the situation with a couple of examples. That certainly helps me to understand better. As my daughter (batgirl) mentioned the question was a bit general. I can relate to the situation about your alcoholism, though I am on the opposite "side", as it is my husband with alcoholism, though he stopped drinking years ago. Whilst drinking he cheated on me, and even though the matter has long been resolved I must confess I occasionally will bring up the cheating and any other past transgressions of his as a way of "winning" any arguments we have. It is definitely not fighting fair and I am trying to stop. I cannot speak for your situation as I don't know all the details. However for my own, I have had to work upon myself, as it more my problem than my husband's. I am currently examining why I am still resentful and why I feel the need to bring up matters which occurred years ago. In any event I do now realize it is a way of manipulating my husband into doing what I want.

Maybe, I could say more if my wife wasn't involved or able to read this.

If you would like, I am more than happy to admit you to private carers. It is a private area of the forum for carers only. You may speak freely there as no one with PTSD sees the contents of that forum and it is completely confidential.

 

[goingonhope]

:hello:Honey, I'm proud of you for your willingness, your effort and your honesty and despite any understandable hesitency.


Personally, I can't thank All of you enough for this discussion, insight and help. This feedback has opened a supportive door for both personally my husb. and I, and him & I as a much hoped for team. It motivated and initiated some open, respectful, far less fearful discussion of particularly a certain touchy topic.

Thank you honey for sitting with me tonight and discussing certain important material. I heard you and have owned my share of what we personally discussed and will take best direction and a more appropriate course from here.

You know what though, I think you did leave something out.

I suffer the severest of my PTSD symptoms sporadically and when under too great of stress. Or, unresolved trauma happens to surface and I'm either dealing with it or neglecting to do so, bc of life and time-constraints. What I feel he left out is that there are those times sometimes, indeed when I am way over stressed, filled with high anxiety and ill with other PTSD symptoms, and lacking much ability and/or willingness to consider my husb.'s point of view-(generally after I've accused him of something), but not always when overly stressed and seriously ill, and only when thouroughly confused, distrusting of him and while getting him confused with my father and/or another family member from my past.

Hope

 

[goingonhope]

As my daughter (batgirl) mentioned the question was a bit general.

Evie, your comments ended up helping me more than you may know. As I too felt the statement and question posed were a bit general and therefore unintentionally perhaps confusing or misleading. But, I refused to alter a word of his question. I simply deeply appreciated that my husb. was willing to toss out a personal question of his own in the hope of some release, feedback and possible help.

Tonight I practiced patience, understanding, trust and restraint of my two-cents, though it wasn't bad what I was thinking, just simply in my defense and unneccessary. I admit it wasn't the easiest thing to do so. Because of my fears, I have struggled so much with any room left for possible misunderstandings or interpretations, but I now know with me simply being honest and open to the best of my abilities, that I don't need to be defensive in my communications as there is nothing to shy away from anymore or avoid exposure of. I'm getting to know myself more thouroughly, hold greater self-trust and beginning to like myself, though I still hate this PTSD sh't symptoms.

I didn't even necessarily like the way he worded his question. Feared it was too vague, somewhat slanted, biased, ...basically simply too general, but oh' well it wasn't my question to ask. It was for him, and at the time he couldn't access his pers. membership. Now he can.

The fact was, it was his question, word for word, not mine and so I just left any clarification up to him or not, and was appreciative that he was willing.

I'll say though the pressure within me was building as I read on more, up until he got to posting and clarified things for me as well. It was your posts Evie that relieved some of my pressure til this point.

Hope

But, I am glad everything worked out just the way it did, and from what I understand from him, he is most appreciative for the understanding he's received.

 

[anthony]

I am just glad that it helped you both to break down the barriers off one particular issue. It doesn't matter how you break that barrier down, just that you have and the door for discussion is open on a more understanding level. Well done to you both.

Hope, I think you need to be a little careful though where your heading with your statement surrounding PTSD, being it sounds as though you use behavioural aspects as an excuse towards your husband at times.... when we both know, its not an excuse for our behaviour as we could change how we approach our own illness and symptoms, ie. I am feeling ill and must go lay down; or; I am feeling unwell and need some alone time to try and reduce my anxiety, so I'm going to go for a walk. You get the idea. Compared with what is being explained above.... though this is just as I read it. Did I read it wrong? That is for you both to answer... not just one or the other!

 

[pastrychefarmywife]

ok, so, i understand to pick my battle, i have been a surrendered wife for 2 yrs, not physically but surrendered meaning controlling myself, but what i am confused on, is that there was a post stating many things pointing to the PTSD sufferer? wouldn't they feel cornered when doing that? please help, as i am new to the ptsd 'carer' side.

 

[Kathy]

What post are you referring to pastrychef? Your question is a bit general so I am uncertain how to answer.

 

[batgirl]

Evie, your comments ended up helping me more than you may know. As I too felt the statement and question posed were a bit general and therefore unintentionally perhaps confusing or misleading.

Oh wow, for once my confusion actually paid off and helped someone. Thanks for that Hope, I feel better about having posted in here. I was feeling silly about it before I read this.