Why Do I Get Obsessive When Someone Tries To Intimidate Me.

[Bill Dickerson]

Is it because I was a nerd and bullied at school? Is it a control issue?

I get completely obsessed whenever someone attempts to intimidate me. Normally I couldn't give a crap but on a couple of instances when I'm doing something I like (hobby or online site) and people try to buffalo me I get really upset. The anxiety attacks attacks get out of hand and it's hard to get it out of my head. Is it pride maybe? That always gets me in trouble.

 

[The Albatross]

In my case... it was compulsive overthinking. This wiki how article is pretty solid: http://www.wikihow.com/Survive-Overthinking

 

[Stickler]

People actually threaten you...wondering how?
For threats, block and report. Screw that.
For differences of opinion...

...I'm just remembering one epic thread on a science forum I was in that went on for 20 pages wherein no matter how much supporting data I posted links to? The others were still not buying it. :sour:
Would ***that*** read as trying to push you around? Just wondering.

...I try to remember why I'm on the site in question, that's why I almost never go into the politics forum here.
I'm not here to argue politics, I'm here to get support and help with my mental issues.
You're not on the sites you are on to get in shoving matches, right? So refuse to.

(If you DO want to argue, try twitter.)

 

[Bill Dickerson]

I only get upset if I have skin in the game. Once when a security guy tried to physically intimidate me while I was curbing. It's a hobby I enjoy and I've done it for years but this wanted to argue and got into my personal space. He was just badge heavy a$$hole. I stood my ground for a little while but I was afraid this guy would touch me. Things would have been real bad for him. I decided to get in my truck and leave if I hurt him real bad I might end up in jail. It took a long time for me to calm down and I still get agitated when I drive through that area.

Our neighborhood association has a website and the Treasurer got completely bent out of shape and was real ugly. This occurred a couple of weeks ago. If I didn't live in the neighborhood I wouldn't care. I started having anxiety attacks. Completely unrealistic response to the issue.

Now I love a good passionate exchange of ideas but that's just an intellectual exercise. There isn't any skin in the game and if someone gets ugly I just stop.

 

[Stickler]

Being bullied does just suck, and sometimes you situationally have to back off the little pissants and give them their payoff.

It's just...infuriating. OTOH, they are that afraid within themselves that they have to turn EVERYTHING into a power struggle, for no good reason.

For some reason I'm reminded of the playing chess with a pigeon analogy... They will knock over all the pieces, shit on the board, then strut around in self-importance, like they actually won something.

I think not taking these pissants seriously might be one way of handling them. Laughing at them in all their strutting brainless pomposity. Like a pigeon.

 

[Friday]

Usually, in life, I find that either/or questions? LOL The answer is "yes"!

You've got some good possibilities running; bullied as a kid, control issues, pride. All 3 sound like plausible possible contributors. Although in what concentration (60% this, 38% that, 2% this) would be a question. So, too, maybe some other players (40% this, 40% that, 10% this, 5% that, 3% this, 2% that).

However... While when I'm doing well a thing may be fairly straightforward? ^^^^ like the above? When I'm doing badly, there's often a trauma component mucking things up.

As an example, if I'm late when doing well? I may freak out over it... For very solid / clear reasons. If I'm late when I'm not doing well? Time warp! In my head & heart late = either people are dead (in the field), or NJP/ restriction barracks/ loss of pay/rank/time in grade (home on base). Serious Big Bad JuJu either way you look at it. I've never personally been late in the field... But "we" were. Time after time after time. Villages burned. Units down. f*ck, stopping there. Hundred different ways over the years "If only" we'd been there sooner. On base is another story altogether. Been dressed down by my field commanders for f*cking up on base I don't even know how many times. Because I was never late for them, and here I'm coming back to them missing a stripe. Again.

In either case, doing well or doing badly, I need to juxtapose these 2 things... Ask myself if I'm upset over being late for real/present reasons? Or upset over being late for past reasons which no longer apply?

 

[Deleted member 28942]

I think it is about safety or powerlessness that is lack of safety. As a child you didn't feel safe or powerful when you were intimidated and now when it happens the alarm gets triggered although you are now safe and powerful. It is a memory from childhood that needs to be resolved.