Why Do I Want Compliments Then Freak Out When I Get Them.

[nonexistant]

I worked hard to get fit for my senior year of high school, I was overwhelmed, please and frightened by the attention. Then I was raped. My defense mechanism 338 pounds. I have been working on that through general family therapy and am stuck at 270.

I am having nightmares again and just the other night cut off 8 inches of hair because I awoke from a nightmare were i was being told how beautiful it was along with disgusting things. I also notice I put weight on or stop losing with attention. I now desire to be fit for protection because of an incident at the Marine Corp Ball a few years back, when I realized a b...tard doesn't care if you fat just that he can take advantage. I was petrified, thank God someone came looking for me. I have been afraid to go anywhere by myself since.

Will I ever get past it,for real? Will I discover what happened to start the nightmares (started long before my rape at 19)?

Will my Therapist not cancel the appointment tomorrow.

 

[Haley13]

Something similar happened to me. I was sexually abused as a child by my first cousin and I've fought with my weight all my life and even while in the military and it's gotten harder since my rape as well. I constantly want to be validated on how I look but when someone starts to show interest especially in a crass way, I start to shut down. I think like me, you want the love and attention, but your mind is associating it with your rape and assault. I don't have any easy answers, but wanted you to know you aren't alone. You're doing a great thing just by starting to admit and discussing the problem.

 

[Faerie]

Have you thought about joining a self defense or martial arts class? I started martial arts last year, and I have to say it's helped tremendously. I feel a lot more physically confident, and it's helped me work through some of my triggers too because it's putting me in similar situations, but the context is totally different, it's positive and safe. It helps that I go to a place where it's really laid back (no macho MMA or UFC type guys) and I get along well with the other people there. Maybe see if there's something like that where you are, or maybe even at the YMCA.

 

[nonexistant]

I have thought about martial art for me and my girls (24, 18, 14) when they were younger. Now I would really love to get the 14 year old and myself in something. I was raised with 3 brothers and a Marine Corp family, so it was not that I could not restrain a person. I have come to the protection of others but for some reason self protection escapes me.