Wife Helping, But Still Getting Bad.

[BBoineau]

I am going through my darkest time with my PTSD. I am also struggling with a very severe case of RSD/CRPS. I was a victim of a violent crime in 2013 where I was stabbed multiple times and nearly lost my life. The symptoms started almost immediately and have gotten progressively worse. I am at the point now where just about anything that I perceive stressful or threatening will trigger very troublesome thoughts. I can't leave our residence anymore for fear of triggers. My wife has been awesome in helping calm me and she tries her best to talk to me calm and slow and she tries to explain what I may perceive as a threat is anything but. She is just beginning to realize what this disorder does to me and is trying her best to help. I am still not sure what is going on in my head, but I have had very vivid nightmares every night that I can actually fall asleep. Most nights my RSD is raging and I will perceive something is trying to trigger a PTSD episode. The pain from the RSD leaves me so physically weak that it opens me up for any irrational thoughts to have a field day in my brain. I am having Suicidal thought practically every day and night. I am a commercial truck driver by trade, but even the thought of driving a truck triggers panic and sends my RSD into a horrific, long lasting pain episode. She cries every night thinking that she isn't doing enough to help me control the symptoms of either of the debilitating disorders. I tell her every chance I can when I have a small window of rationality that I wouldn't stand a chance without her. We live in a small town and Mental Health Treatment options are non existent. I dont want to hurt myself because I know she will feel as if she lost the battle and in turn her best friend. I really need some help to find coping mechanisms for us both. I'm scared that if she feels that she can't do anymore to help me with all the craziness that has become my life, that she will break down emotionally and begin a downward slide into her depressive thoughts. I am so worried about her health and mental state, and I realize that if I have to face either of my demon disorders without her constant calming techniques that it's only a matter of time before I give up the fight and look for ways to "go home" I know she would be so hurt and
Feel as if she didn't help me enough and I feel like I would finally get some rest, ease the pain, and give her the freedom she deserves. I know she's completely drained mentally and physically. I am at my most desperate point in my life. I need someone to be able to help us both and maybe save us from this life of despair, pain, and depression. I am sorry, but this is the best I can do describing our dire situation, my thoughts aren't mine anymore and my RSD has taken complete control of my body. I would just be happy if someone could help her with what she needs to be able to understand that she has done everything in her power and convince her that she must think of herself for once and let my demons have there way with me. She would take this from me if she coukd, but I wouldn't let her. I want her to finally get some rest, and I want to finally end my pain and the burden that I have become to her. She deserves better and I feel as if I'm wasting her life and clearly exhausted. Please help!

 

[heyheyhey]

Link Removed I'm so, so sorry. PTSD is such a painful, difficult disorder, but it sounds like you are such an incredibly strong person and your wife sounds amazing. Are there any local support groups for PTSD sufferers and supporters as this could really help you and your wife. What can you afford right now? There are many effective treatments for PTSD. Have you read van der Kolk's The Body Keeps the Score? It runs through all the best treatment options for PTSD. Some very simple, yet very effective options for helping to lessen PTSD symptoms are yoga, running and boxing. These have helped me so much, they can be practiced for free and you will begin to see results and management very quickly. In van der Kolk's book he explores how yoga helped a severely traumatised Vietnam vet who had a degenerative disorder that he thought would leave him wheelchair bound.

Here is a simple trauma-based yoga series that can work for beginners. You don't need a mat, you can also use a blanket or practice on the floor. I know yoga is seen as feminine, but that's only in the west. There were many badass yogi's in the East practicing it and it started off as a male movement, so I think it's pretty gender neutral.

Healing Yoga for Trauma
Do you practice grounding techniques?

Here are some examples, grounding techniques are some of the best ways to handle and lessen anxiety and flashbacks.

PTSD Grounding Technique #6 - Sounds around You

PTSD Grounding Technique # 7 - Repeat words


Running and using a punch bag are two things that really help defuse my anxiety. If you think about it PTSD is very much rooted in the flight or fight response, so tapping into that and using that energy is pretty powerful and such a simple way to break down your anxiety. On another level, exercise will burn up the adrenaline and cortisol that contribute to your anxiety so it's a great option. Also, obviously you want to address basic thing s- what are you eating? Are you eating a healthy diet that will support healthy brain chemistry or sugar, caffeine diet with few fruits and veggies? It's pretty hard to have a healthy mind, if your diet isn't good.

I know it can feel so difficult, but just doing little things every day will make such a big difference. I was in such a bad place but now I'm doing so much better. Something that helped me was scheduling it on a calendar *exercise daily*, *journaling* - a healthy routine will help you heal trauma and manage your PTSD. Can you afford a trauma therapist? Someone who does EMDR could be a big help, it's very., very effective for single traumas.

 

[heyheyhey]

Also, I'm sorry if my suggestions aren't easy ones for you with your RSD - I'm not too knowledgeable about how that might limit you. Have you heard of Somatic Experiencing? It's a body-based treatment for PTSD and it's been very helpful for me personally and other people on the forum. A good thing about it is that you don't need a therapist to help you with it, you can practice the techniques by yourself - here is the book with the exercises - Dead Link Removed. I try and do an hour each week, it really helped take me from VERY anxious and VERY symptomatic to pretty much symptom free a lot of the time in regards to my PTSD (I have CPTSD so the psychological aspects still stay with me). I'd recommend trying to source the CD as well as it's easier to do it with it. The exercises require minimal exertion - they are mostly grounding exercises really but very helpful. Good luck, I know it can feel so hopeless and distressing, but I promise you there is so much light and hope - even when you feel like there's no way out, many of us have felt like that and dug our way out and you can too. We are here for you, share with us - and your wife may find it helpful too to join our forum, there are many wonderful supporters of sufferers here. I promise you it can get better. Untreated PTSD is a nightmare, but it is one of the most treatment major mental disorders there is - anxiety disorders and stress disorders are highly manageable with the right tools and techniques and you can find something that works for you.

You can also find trauma therapists online. There were no Somatic Experiencing therapists near me, so I found some on Skype (qualified ones!). And you can also find EMDR counsellors online, just make sure they have the right qualifications.

 

[BBoineau]

Thank you for the advice. My wife is going to look into it all. She is very happy that she is at least armed with treatment suggestions that may be within our reach. She is truly an amazing woman and I am so lucky to have this Superwoman on my side. Thank you!

 

[heyheyhey]

You are very welcome Link Removed. Your wife sounds wonderful! If you start learning some grounding techniques and practice and use them everyday then that should take some pressure off of your wife. Here are some more grounding techniques: Grounding for PSTD.

You can also practice CBT quite successfully using self-help books - Overcoming PTSD is a good one, as is Dr Burn's Feeling Good - I use this for depression and it is absolutely brilliant, I couldn't recommend it enough :). Good luck, I was in such a bad place and now I am so much better so know that it is possible. Keep sharing with us here :), you aren't alone in this.