Worried About Having Emdr - With Multiple Severe Trauma..

[Shellbell]

I've been told by my T that I need EMDR as part of my therapy. Firstly it really hit home just how serious PTSD is (I am newly diagnosed) and that a bit of talking therapy is not going to fix it. That was a bit of a reality shock.

But, having read a fair bit on EMDR, I am worried about having it as I have had multiple trauma's (as a child, an adolescent and young adult) and the most recent one was 20 years ago (apart from a physically abusive marriage which ended 12 years ago, which was relatively minor compared to the previous severe trauma's).

Has anyone had success with EMDR is a similar situation - multiple severe trauma's and a long time frame between trauma and diagnosis?

Thank you

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Hi Shellbell, I have multiple traumas and was terrified to do emdr. I wrote a thread about it to get advise and support. I have one session left and it has been the best experience for me. That is not to say it will be the best experience for you.

Do you know the therapist who is planning on doing the session? Do you know if safety and grounding techniques will be used? You have a right to be concerned. Just because I had a wonderful experience with it does not mean you will. It was a long time between trauma and treatment.

But I have loved emdr. It has been the best for me and I have put many memories to rest. The pain and shame is gone. I feel one hundred percent better.

Keep on reading and researching and ask questions of the therapist that will be administering the emdr. I wish you the best with it.

Like I said I was terrified of doing it. But I would have robbed myself if I let my fears stop me. I wish you the best in your choice to go forward with it or not.

 

[KP the nut]

(((Shellbell))). I had EMDR but not for a trauma similar to yours.

The first thing I would say is trust your therapist.

He/she should not begin EMDR until you are comfortable with various grounding techniques, these techniques will help you to stay grounded.

I doubt if your T will tackle all traumas at once. They will be broken down. My T was skilled in various techniques and he was a master at judging my body language. If he felt it was too much for me he would bring me back to the room and talk me through what I was feeling.

It may/will feel worse before it gets better. My T warned me of that and gave me his number to phone him should anything surface in between sessions.

I would dread my sessions, I would lose sleep, but I refused to give in.

I am now T free. I would not be where I am now without my T and the EMDR sessions (and this forum).

I will be thinking of you.

 

[Shellbell]

Thanks Gizmo, it's good to read it can be a positive experience. I'm so glad it has worked so well for you. To be able to put memories to rest is amazing. I'm really happy for you :) What a great example of overcoming fear and therapy working well.

I have a lot of work to do before we get to the EMDR. I've only had 2 sessions with my T. In the last session she let me know what will be happening throughout the therapy and stated about needing EMDR. She explained she is trained in EMDR and asked me to research as she knows I am someone who researches everything. She is really open to me finding out things and asking her questions which is good.

We have done a breathing and a 'safe place' technique and I am far from good at doing these, so lots of work to do first before we get to EMDR.

I think fear is often a challenge in any of this, but as you said, your fear would have robbed you of the positive outcome you have had with EMDR.

 

[Shellbell]

Thanks KP. I really appreciate your advice and yes, learning to trust my T will be the key. Trust is a huge issue for me and it is going to take a huge amount of work for me to trust her. I don't trust anyone.

It's so good you are T free due to your therapy, EMDR and this forum! Such a success!

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Becvan wrote a thread on when EMDR goes wrong... Please do a search for it.

I think much of the issue was in an inexperienced therapist, but don't quote me on that. Please read what she wrote herself.

I had multiple traumas, but EMDR was a big yawn for me and didn't work. (I couldn't concentrate on two things at once!) I know it does work for others though.

Good luck!

 

[lighteningdarkness]

Hi Shellbell, sorry to hear that you're here struggling with the rest of us - but well done on starting the T.

I have had around 4-5 sessions of EMDR and I hate it with a passion, it's without any doubt the most disturbing and painful thing I've ever done. However, it really really does work for me.

Trust is a huge thing, it took me months before I would even admit to my T that there had been a trauma and what symptoms I was having. Blew me away when she spoke of PTSD, so I understand to a degree that feeling of 'this is really serious' you mentioned.

Looking back I got lost in the re-remembering / re-experiencing during the first session of processing and the next few days were really unpleasant. I managed to communicate this to my T and the next time we were more careful, there are different techniques to hold some of you in reality, whilst your brain replays the memory, which is safer.

I can agree with what Scaredoflonely means about concentrating on 2 things at once. It does take a fair amount of effort to hold and live the memory and work on what the T is saying between sets as well. If your concentration isn't great this could be an issue.

I think the key is the skill of your T. I would be asking lots of questions - how long has she been doing this for, how many clients etc. I just jumped straight in as I was desperate to be better.

If you have any questions feel free to ask, hope whatever happens things go ok for you.

 

[Shellbell]

Thank you Lightanddarkness, that is good advice. Glad your sessions are going well, although not glad that it is so painful, but it has a positive goal so worth persisting.

I think I will ask more questions about her experience etc, I have a right to know.

My concentration isn't good, so will be interesting to see how she feels this will affect the EMDR.

 

[Iamsioux]

I have been in EMDR now for about 8 sessions. I have multiple trauma from severe, repeated child sexual abuse, to 18 years domestic violence. I have been working with a therapist for 2 1/2 years and was refered to an EMDR specialist a few months ago.

I can honestly say it is the hardest thing I have had to do. I am an excessively strong person (text book long-term PTSD sufferer, over-achiever, stoic, precise etc) Every session (weekly) makes me physically ill. Things do start to get worse, memories you had no idea existed come flooding in at the most inappropriate times, confusing images, my sleep has gotten almost non-existant, I have lost weight. I was just flooded with a memory from my high school days, where I was raped yet another time. The full impact of the fleeting memories I have had for decades rushed in as I lay down to rest last night (my last EMDR session was 2 days ago) this was not even related to what we had been talking about. I violently threw up over the side of the bed, my head felt like a vice grip had just been clamped on it, I was shaking and terrified, but I saw it all, no more fleeting glimpses. It frightens me that I can not remember these things, I know what I will face when the memories come back from my childhood may drive me mad, the memories I do have are horrendous.

Bottom line for me is: I am tired of hiding. I need to know what has happened to me. I need to grieve and I need to move on. This may kill me, or drive me mad, but it can't be any worse than living like I have been, it is worth the fight. I will keep dragging myself up, going to my therapsit and EMDR and hopefully exorcise the ghosts and demons that haunt me. You can't fight something invisible, I need to face my enemy so they don't have the power anymore, I do.

 

[lighteningdarkness]

Hi Lamsioux, so sorry to hear that you're having such a rough time. Yep, it's tough isn't it. Like you though, I am tired of hiding. It does get better.

I have decided that I can only do 3 EMDR sessions, then I need a non-EMDR session with my T. We do CBT based work, talk through things that have come up. For me there's a lot about how to live with the detail of the memory. It does help and gives a little supported 'chill out' (ish...) time in a supportive, trusted setting. Just a thought, you may find it useful too.

Good luck with it. Sending you hugs.

 

[samson]

Hi Shellbell. I have been doing emdr for about 6 months now. When I first went to my T I was depressed and suffering from anxiety. Turns out I have multiple traumas as well. Some from childhood, some from when I was a young adult. emdr is hard. I joke that I have a reversible t-shirt - on one side is says emdr rocks and on the other it says emdr sucks. Some weeks its really awesome and some weeks it's downright horrible. But I have noticed steady improvement over the last 6 months. The real results are when my friends and co-workers have begun to notice a change in me they don't understand. That's awesome. Once you start just stay with it and keep telling your therapist what's happening to you in between sessions.

Lamsioux, I am so sorry to hear how hard this is for you. I applaud your courage and determination to see it through. I hope it gets better for you soon.

 

[Shellbell]

Lamsioux - I'm sorry you are finding EMDR so hard. But glad you have the strength the keep getting up and going when you know it is helping you. You are such a string person.

Samson and Lightanddarkness, I'm glad the EMDR is helping you both too.

Have to say I'm even more scared now though. I'm not going to cope with it and I don't have the emotional support around me that I need. My husband is good at the practical support, but crap with giving me emotional support and takes it personally when I get upset and irritable and feels sorry for himself. And I don't have any other family support. And I don't have the personal strength to go through all that.

I think I'm going to tell my therapist that I'm not doing it :(