QueenJitters
New Here
Well this feels harder than it should after four years. When I was a senior in high school I met a boy who was stunning and very intelligent. I had a class with him because of a medical problem I missed school too much the year before and had to take a quarter in his class, a grade below me. We talk we flirt but nothing becomes of it.
Skip ahead about a year after I graduate, I somehow ran into this beautiful boy who somehow grew up in a year and we hit it off right away. Things were amazing for a year out of the relationship. The last year and a half is where everything hit the fan and the reason this is very hard to type so I am sorry if it is long winded, when nervous I over think and type or say way too much to compensate for not being able to stop and think.
Anyway, he was bipolar 1 at the time and had been medicated for most of it. Then became happy and stable enough with me to stop taking his meds. Then he picked up a nasty little drinking problem which started my unease. I would have to take care of him, and make sure he didn't do anything stupid to himself or anything. I was living with him at the time, first time out of my family house. He became my family, his dad who lived with us became a constant in my life as well. As things got worse I reclused more and more. Started taking more and more drugs so that I could stay numb. Had a very serious suicide attempt landing me in the hospital for a few days and that was the breaking point.
From then on he was drinking every day and I was being yelled at every day, he only was violent a few times on and off usually when black out drunk. But it became more frequent, the fighting and yelling and forcing me to perform acts with him and whoever he said. There were a few more times I had thought about ending it in very drastic ways but decided last min not to because he was too drunk to take care of himself. I didn't fully start to shut down until his father started in with certain aspects of the abuse.
This went on for the last year and half of our relationship. Everything finally came to a head when he decided to quit his job, sell his car, and have a giant party at a friends. Got black out drunk, tried to sleep with any girl there and force me to watch. When people tried to get him to go to bed because he was just gone I tried to get his keys because he was that belligerent I knew he would do something dumb, that's when he just snapped. My friends came in to him kneeling on my now broken ribs from him kicking me and him holding me down my neck and punching me in the head. My friends beat the ever living snot out pf him after that and called 911 because my then I was having grand mal seizures. ( I've been epileptic since I was 16 due to severe head trauma. ) I spent a few days in the hospital and after that went home to him which he had packed all of my things and left me on my parents door step and moved away.
After that it was months of never leaving my room. Locking up if anyone came near me. It took 6 months to let anyone touch me. Almost a year before I could hug someone or kiss someone. Even though all of that I still had night terrors, horrible insomnia, paranoia about going outside, or letting him find me. I had to drop out of college when he moved back and started up again. The college had put me in a class with him and thats when I quit. I found new friends new hobbies and its still problematic most of the time.
I am currently living with my boyfriend of two years now this week. He doesn't always get it, he knows about it and doesn't always want to listen. It enrages him and all he can say is how horrible a person my ex is. I really just need some people who understand what all of this is like.
Skip ahead about a year after I graduate, I somehow ran into this beautiful boy who somehow grew up in a year and we hit it off right away. Things were amazing for a year out of the relationship. The last year and a half is where everything hit the fan and the reason this is very hard to type so I am sorry if it is long winded, when nervous I over think and type or say way too much to compensate for not being able to stop and think.
Anyway, he was bipolar 1 at the time and had been medicated for most of it. Then became happy and stable enough with me to stop taking his meds. Then he picked up a nasty little drinking problem which started my unease. I would have to take care of him, and make sure he didn't do anything stupid to himself or anything. I was living with him at the time, first time out of my family house. He became my family, his dad who lived with us became a constant in my life as well. As things got worse I reclused more and more. Started taking more and more drugs so that I could stay numb. Had a very serious suicide attempt landing me in the hospital for a few days and that was the breaking point.
From then on he was drinking every day and I was being yelled at every day, he only was violent a few times on and off usually when black out drunk. But it became more frequent, the fighting and yelling and forcing me to perform acts with him and whoever he said. There were a few more times I had thought about ending it in very drastic ways but decided last min not to because he was too drunk to take care of himself. I didn't fully start to shut down until his father started in with certain aspects of the abuse.
This went on for the last year and half of our relationship. Everything finally came to a head when he decided to quit his job, sell his car, and have a giant party at a friends. Got black out drunk, tried to sleep with any girl there and force me to watch. When people tried to get him to go to bed because he was just gone I tried to get his keys because he was that belligerent I knew he would do something dumb, that's when he just snapped. My friends came in to him kneeling on my now broken ribs from him kicking me and him holding me down my neck and punching me in the head. My friends beat the ever living snot out pf him after that and called 911 because my then I was having grand mal seizures. ( I've been epileptic since I was 16 due to severe head trauma. ) I spent a few days in the hospital and after that went home to him which he had packed all of my things and left me on my parents door step and moved away.
After that it was months of never leaving my room. Locking up if anyone came near me. It took 6 months to let anyone touch me. Almost a year before I could hug someone or kiss someone. Even though all of that I still had night terrors, horrible insomnia, paranoia about going outside, or letting him find me. I had to drop out of college when he moved back and started up again. The college had put me in a class with him and thats when I quit. I found new friends new hobbies and its still problematic most of the time.
I am currently living with my boyfriend of two years now this week. He doesn't always get it, he knows about it and doesn't always want to listen. It enrages him and all he can say is how horrible a person my ex is. I really just need some people who understand what all of this is like.
