Writing Letters

[blackcoffee87]

There's a certain person in my life and I keep writing these letters, but could never tell them these things...regardless of how bad they treat me, or how often they do so. I couldn't stand to hurt them like that...anyhow, here is an example.


You're pushing me away, not only from you, but from myself. The latter of which has been happening for a long time, probably since I even had a sense of self. You've called me dumb, called me useless, and worthless too. I was the one to blame when your marriage didn't work out but now I see, I see exactly why. You did the same f*cking thing to them as you do to me.

I've been so convinced that if I do what you say, which is what you know is best I will succeed. But what is success without happiness. I mean after all, I succeeded in what YOU wanted, not ME. At almost 30 f*cking years old, I still don't even know who I am. Do I even really like what I like because I, MY SELF like it, or is it all just a result of your indoctrination? I'm so f*cking lost, I don't even know if there is a way now to become a real f*cking human.

How do you say this? How do you tell this to a person, especially when it's your parent? Aside from the how, why? I feel like such a piece of shit for even feeling this way, thinking this way...

All these years, even though I have managed to get from A to B, I guess I failed because the way I got there was wrong. "You should have done this, you should have done that." Never good enough...EVER. We'll I guess not, I guess it never will be, and I guess neither will I. Not to you. Not to anyone. I won't burden you with my mistakes...I won't hold you back anymore. Maybe you can rest assured that you won't have to worry about what is and what should have been ever again.

f*ck YOU
-I don't know

I find reading them after the fact upsetting, does anyone else do this? Should I break down and tell them that they make me feel so horribly? Should I feel guilty for having such feelings? I certainly do feel overwhelmingly guilty for having these feelings.

 

[WillyKat]

I've written about 100 letters over the years that I've never sent. Talk it over with your shrink, but I think its a good thing. It helps clarify your thinking, but most importantly, it gets the hurt out into a place where, by re-reading it, you can integrate the pain. In other words, reading them back to yourself hurts but my guess is that it will hurt less the more you do it.

 

[Recovery4Me]

I was the one to blame when your marriage didn't work out but now I see, I see exactly why. You did the same f*cking thing to them as you do to me.

I understand where you are coming from, however consider how much you may have heard the one parent devalue your other parent and may think this is constructive. This is a very blaming and hurtful thought to say to a parent that hopefully may be reframed through therapy to give your voice making a statement of self.

Honestly, I would b*tch-slap my adult son if he said that to me. No sh*t Sherlock...even jail time be worth it. It is a standard adult-child disrespect blame game. Just this Mom's 2cents.