You Know You Have PTSD When...

[Rani G2]

Someone, A patient, her critical voice throws me back to / Warzone -fight back- Show your power- inner shaking-/
Feel weak feel feel feel Weak. I must win, I‘m queen I have a high IQ, You can’t touch this
But these thoughts are being flushed down the toilet and the weak/humiliated child awakens. :(

Cannot do this, I must change the job .

 

[Tinyflame]

A day to celebrate then @Ronin ? :hug:

When feeling sad or hurt or disrespected is not allowed, because that's for people who have value. And people saying you have value is untrue when it's nothing but words.

 

[Ronin]

When your other issue is

No value? Nothing to lose, valuable, at least, and nothing anyone can take, so a good worst spot, all actions allowed :D

Er. Right. Leave that guerilla stuff in guerilla lands. Rules of fighting & codes of conduct, dutifully capitalized, too, in this one.

 

[Tinyflame]

Oh I know @Ronin , thanks, yes it's simpler to accept. No one's fault but mine, so blabbing on is wah wah wah blah(truly). But, tbh, I'd rather be thrown out with the trash than squished by egos, I just don't have the strength or energy or courage or resilience for it. It's hard enough to be dependent or vulnerable, when not wanting to be. The broken people should stick with the broken people, and of that I am one. Like the saying, "How many legs does a dog have if you call it's tail a leg? Still 4."

Thank you for your kindness & take care. :hug:

 

[Rani G2]

just don't have the strength or energy or courage or resilience for it. It's hard enough to be dependent or vulnerable,

Can very much relate to this. Good you pointed out with these words :/

 

[bellbird]

That look that someone gives you when you've jumped out of your seat from something that Shouldn't Scare A Normie You never gets old :hilarious:

Bewilderment & confusion meets OMG I'm so sorry meets OK but wtf tho..?

 

[Rose White]

You listen to the same songs over and over again because they are comforting.

 

[Ronin]

Snaps to laughing / feeling nothing / acutely suicidal get tiring even to you.

& One of the best decisions you made lately was give your both lethal & personal weapons to a friend.

... and when you need reminders of that real because some things are not fun & even staring at people in front of you you can believe perfectly well nothing is true in the same time.

Brain? Brain? Houston to Wherever You Be, knock that shit off. Still in KS, D.

 

[Rose White]

Sitting still all day feels good.

 

[bellbird]

You automatically keep a running mental log of the number of other people in the house, and their location, from sound.

And you wonder why you're so tired all the time, even though you're "not doing anything."

 

[ladee]

When you are exhausted from being exhausted.

 

[Ronin]

You play a drinking game on messy crap in your head, any time you can think.

So let's take one for every this, two for every that, three for every time this shit sent me to pieces, four for every guy I promised I'd ring before my head goes there and don't, five for every minute that was wrong, f*ck, imaginary me is as drunk as I'd like to be.

.... and when 9 yo take on your life is way more healthier than you, and that kid can't even comprehend we were a kid.

Bitter smile.