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You Know You Have PTSD When...
- Post starter ghost
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... The other people's fears are the world you're home in, but those little tasks everyone takes for granted send you into shakes.
... You go wash your face for twentieth time a day and f*ck, there really is nothing there.
... Not fighting it out physically hurts.
... You're sorry for bothering people with all this bullshit but it's the most words aside where necessary you could figure for two days and you just don't do 'I need hugs' all too well.
... You need a new batcave but you've been told you should stop fearing yourself, you're not a poison for people and a death sentence for everyone you care for.
... You re-write mental lists all over again to spell alive friends. Where you don't know, Nice Guy and Impossible Afro Girl will do.
... You go wash your face for twentieth time a day and f*ck, there really is nothing there.
... Not fighting it out physically hurts.
... You're sorry for bothering people with all this bullshit but it's the most words aside where necessary you could figure for two days and you just don't do 'I need hugs' all too well.
... You need a new batcave but you've been told you should stop fearing yourself, you're not a poison for people and a death sentence for everyone you care for.
... You re-write mental lists all over again to spell alive friends. Where you don't know, Nice Guy and Impossible Afro Girl will do.
WildMermaid
Platinum Member
When your husband, daughter, and you individually take the MMPI-2 test and you're the only one with a PTSD score, and then you wonder what life would be like without PTSD.
Can relate to this one for sure....
When you are hurt by the impoliteness and bad temper of some employees in the shops and get patronized by them in a very arrogant way - but you don't dare to speak up for yourself because you're already proud that you went shopping at all.
When you can only sleep at the place which is the farthest away from every door and window around - and when you feel exposed when you have to sleep at another place.
When you sing out loud in your car and stop it when you start thinking what other drivers might think.
When you forget to buy a new pay and display ticket because you were too absorbed in the PTSD forum... (got lucky, got no parking ticket...)
When you can only sleep at the place which is the farthest away from every door and window around - and when you feel exposed when you have to sleep at another place.
When you sing out loud in your car and stop it when you start thinking what other drivers might think.
When you forget to buy a new pay and display ticket because you were too absorbed in the PTSD forum... (got lucky, got no parking ticket...)
When friend who has many friends with PTSD tells you it might be best to return to Costa Rica for a couple months to get life on track. Capital city - not beach. Place I've lived before. To place I've stayed more than once over the years. So would be like returning home.
Then you tell a relative you might go back. But no worries....Lived in the house converted into apartments before.
Then you start telling Aunt all the security features. Like 15 foot walls around house with electric fence on top and security guards every 2-3 blocks. 1 key just to get past outside entrance, another to get into house, another to get into apartment. Then you realize how important safely is to you...Ok gringos are targets there (many think we are all rich.)
Then you realize you lived in a "mini-compound" in neighborhood with private security. In U.S. this would cost so much. Makes you want to go back more... You miss the high-walls around house, electric fence on top of them... even the security guards who just had batons (from what I know. But kept bad people out for sure. Sure some had guns. But batons work well down there to keep people out.)
(I can only imagine what Aunt was thinking when I told her this.... )
Then you tell a relative you might go back. But no worries....Lived in the house converted into apartments before.
Then you start telling Aunt all the security features. Like 15 foot walls around house with electric fence on top and security guards every 2-3 blocks. 1 key just to get past outside entrance, another to get into house, another to get into apartment. Then you realize how important safely is to you...Ok gringos are targets there (many think we are all rich.)
Then you realize you lived in a "mini-compound" in neighborhood with private security. In U.S. this would cost so much. Makes you want to go back more... You miss the high-walls around house, electric fence on top of them... even the security guards who just had batons (from what I know. But kept bad people out for sure. Sure some had guns. But batons work well down there to keep people out.)
(I can only imagine what Aunt was thinking when I told her this.... )
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You can so relate to wishes to go back to somewhere totally else than you're at right now. Then you remind yourself of all the reasons you're so not in the same shape to do that as you were back then, you facepalm at yourself and make another red circle around mental 'cognitive distortion: work on this shit' line.
You're so happy for people you can share that kind of inner talk with without getting stared at, either the 'are you crazy why is this even a concern' look or 'what's so hard with this anyway' look.
You realize PTSD actually may be what not only messed your life, but worked as your sense of self preservation after you ignored that one for years and it's a too big thought for 0430 so you decide to come back to it later.
You're so happy for people you can share that kind of inner talk with without getting stared at, either the 'are you crazy why is this even a concern' look or 'what's so hard with this anyway' look.
You realize PTSD actually may be what not only messed your life, but worked as your sense of self preservation after you ignored that one for years and it's a too big thought for 0430 so you decide to come back to it later.
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When you have to look-up such terms.....
Then realized I should have mentioned I need to moved. So Costa Rica actually an option. Just want to be some place familiar...
re-exposed to youth.
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jaccat
VIP Member
Anrish that happened to me yesterday.
When you can't fall asleep on your back because it's too dangerous.
When the less sleep you have the more awake you feel.
When every time a stranger sits next to you on the tube that side of your body tenses from head to toe.
When having a conversation with your companion about your family leaves that stranger seriously disturbed.
When on your immediate return after a good holiday you can only put feeling different down to the shoes your wearing.
High school I learned to speak more softly because of this. Just talking to a friend telling her something of my family (I thought was kinda funny.) Then another friend overheard sitting several seats down in common area, and I remember him telling someone "Wow that is so sad", and shocked.
Guess what I consider funny/normal is not so normal. Ok looking back strange/shocking for most. But I just laughed at it.
Ladyghosthunter
Gold Member
...when you realize that crying in bed before you sleep is a relief even though your heart is broken...
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