Any Advice

[tyler11]

It's been a long couple of years for me I watched my ex girlfriend of 5 years drink and cut herself on the wrists in our kitchen when I came home. We broke up and I moved away. Seven days after I got to my new home I connected with my best friend whom I had been associated with for over 15 years. He went out drinking a few days later and called me from jail to say he needed bail. I bailed him out. When I got him home I made sure he got to bed, he was to be a new teacher the next Monday. He took my gun and shot himself in the head in my back yard. I live in a very rural community and got EMS there in ten minutes, I managed to keep him going until they got there, and after about an hour in the ER he passed away with me at his side and his parents on the way. He had suffered with drinking for a long time judging by his college arrests. I was blamed by much of my hometown for what had happened things have kind of moved on from that now after the coroner issued his report. I live in the same house and pastor a church as I have for four years. I still see flashbacks and have been disoriented for up to 45 minutes and found myself outside before. Today I had to deal with a teen suicide at a hospital with his family. I need some advice for what I ought to do. I am looking to move to a new area with my wife and little girl. My wife is very supportive but I don't want her to be my only outlet along with a few close friends. Any thoughts on how to proceed next?

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Hi and welcome to the forum.

I suggest finding a therapist trained in treating trauma. Its important to find a professional who knows how to handle trauma clients as not all of them do, and what works for non-trauma affected people can in fact make us worse.

Its good that you are looking for outside help, as dealing with trauma is too much to put on one person (ie a partner) alone. Also, a trauma therapist will know how to treat you whereas our loved ones are best at supporting us.

I wish you the best.

 

[scout86]

To quote the first thing my therapist said to me, "If what you have is PTSD, it affects more aspects of your life than you know and it won't go away by itself." (He went on to say he had an opening "day after tomorrow."

I'm sorry for all you've been through, including the blame that you didn't deserve. Suicide is a tough deal all the way around.

I have to second what @Solara said, you'd more than likely benefit from finding a competent professional to deal with.

Thus forum can be a lot of help too. Sometimes it's just good to know that you aren't the only person in the world who "gets it".

Welcome, and I hope you find the help and healing you deserve!

 

[Recovery4Me]

Welcome to the forum!

I have a friend whom serves and resides within an abbey. Due to events such as within your story, she chose to muster up the courage to formally request to see a Trauma Therapist. The stigma and judgement placed on her need set was most unkind but they did finally allow it.

However, it is not just the Catholic Church that now acknowledges these needs for people of the cloth, but other denominations as well. As more pastors are handling so much without an outside support system & as they struggle to be the rock for their flock ...many are also in pain, & being placed among these sad statistics of untimely passing.

So it is very important to me, to extend to you, to hold onto your compassion, forgiveness and value for yourself within this period of spiritual warfare. Stay among us as we are here for you, but please also seek the professional therapist with due diligence. In time what you learn from your journey will allow you to minister to another when led in the proper season of your Higher Power's choosing.

You are safe here to ask questions and will hopefully find some answers that will bring you peace.
:hug:'s if you accept for you and your family.