Poll Did You Report

[Whyteferret]

so many don't report. If you're comfortable, please answer why you did or didn't report.

The last two responses are actually questions about military service at the time of the assault. Did it happen when in military service or not?

I was a Marine on active duty. I never reported to military authorities. It did not feel safe, even years after I was discharged. I finally told someone 5 years later.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I didnt report it nor have I even threatened a civil suit on my mother as I have physical "evidence" that someone did it for years though I dont have "evidence" directly against her.

I likely wont. My therapist wants me do, or at least has brought it up more than once but I stand by that shes my mom still. Its a complicated mess. She's the only living part of the pair and she is still the only mother I will have but like my therapist said today, she might be the one that gave birth to me but doesnt fit the defintion of a mother. But still my mom.

Oh, I didnt want to make a long drawn out answer, sorry. Its incredably complicated and I still dont get why really.

 

[Friday]

If you wanna run with the big dogs? You're gonna get bit from time to time.

That was just the way it was when I was in, which was awhile ago. We were very explicitly told in boot camp that 4:5 WMs were raped for the first time their first year in, and most of the rest collected at least one sexual assault by the end of their first tour. So look out for each other. No one else will. No idea if that's changed. It was pretty accurate, though.

My first time was outside of LeJeune. Weekend liberty. Hotel party. Decided to walk to the corner store for smokes on my own. 3:1. Not quite as bulletproof and invisible as I thought.

No way in hell did I report it. Nor any of the other times.

Being seen as weak was never an option.

 

[Whyteferret]

If you wanna run with the big dogs? You're gonna get bit from time to time.

That was just the way...

@FridayJones
We had the same warning.
Supposedly, the current reporting process is safer.

Pretty sad when they have to warn Marines about other Marines

I rarely even mention that I was in the Marines. I talk about the years I spent in the Army. I went Army because I felt I had something to prove to myself. And in a sick and twisted way, I liked the military.

 

[Friday]

@Whyteferret Yup. The CoC ones were the worst. Not physically, but just in the level of f*cked uped ness. It's like greeeeeaaaaat. Disobey a direct order on the one hand, rape on the other? Outstanding.

I still love the Marine Corps. Heart & Soul. Hurts like a bitch sometimes, tho.

I'm only open about being a vet here. IRL, outside of my family, almost no one knows.

 

[Sideways]

My csa - not a chance. My dad is a good person, who screwed up a long time ago. He now works in brain injuries, before that as a stroke specialist. Reporting him would destroy his life, my family's life, it would kill my mother. He does better out of prison.

My main abuser - report a member of the clergy? Ha! Anyway, he's textbook psychopath. Charismatic and loved by everyone. I wouldn't win. I would sound insane.

As an adult? I have photos and contemporaneous statements supporting my claim of being roofied and raped at 27. The police station is the last place I'd go. Kudos to the women who take on our justice system - I will not put myself through that.

Some estimates here in Oz put it at around 1 in 10 women report rape, although if you look hard enough you can find studies that say as many as 1 in 5 report it (what a great result!). Of those that are reported, less than 40% lead to a conviction on any study you pick.

If I had a daughter and she told me she was raped, I would take her to the hospital, and get her the best damn therapist in town. I would not takke her anywhere near a police station unless she was very sure she wanted to pursue charges.

 

[Saria]

I didn't report it. I was 15 and it took me over ten years to realize it wasn't my fault. Grooming really messes with your head. When I finally talked to an attorney last year, he just told me that the time limit was out. What a great system.

 

[Ronin]

The service stuff, no.
Because it was helluva common. Because bitching about it would've made everything more difficult. Because complaints would have made my transfers impossible.

Later in life it was still suck it up, something to get through. I was more aware how to report & where, but not persuaded it would lead anywhere, so didn't bother.

The outside of combat zones stuff, yes. Led to f*ck all proceedings and outright undermined my getting official help, so I stopped bothering.
Civvie shit, I get through with Could be worse and having a hard time enough with the f*ckery, let alone involve useless courts.

I generally tend to report for others / if others are involved.
My own shit, or for me? I don't bother.
Others I'm with / that were there with me? Hellfire on you if you touch them, mindset.

 

[Broken Dahlia]

I did report, about a month after I was raped after a concert. I had a rape kit done the next day. The detective asked me why I was crying, she seemed genuinely confused. It was a "he said, she said" case, according to Austin's finest.
I also reported my csa years later, but just before the statute ran out. Files that would have supported my statement disappeared from the sheriff's office. His dad is a local attorney, and apparently has friends. He offered an apology with no admission of guilt. I did not accept.
I'm glad I reported because even though nothing came of it legally now people know. People hear about it, it is not my secret to keep anymore. I like to think that this has had some affect on their lives too, though that might just be wishful thinking.

 

[Whyteferret]

I didnt report it nor have I even threatened a civil suit on my mother as I have physical "ev...

@lostforgottensoul
It is complicated. She is your mom but that doesn't mean she isn't accountable. Make the decision that is right for you.

 

[Whyteferret]

I did report, about a month after I was raped after a concert. I had a rape kit done the next day...

@Broken Dahlia
I'm glad reporting helped you, even if it went nowhere.

I really don't understand the reactions of cops I've heard about. Even if it is "he said/she said" doesn't mean it wasn't an assault. Victims should still be treated with respect and compassion even if prosecution may not be possible.

You found your voice.

 

[Whyteferret]

I didn't report it. I was 15 and it took me over ten years to realize it wasn't my fault. Grooming really...

@Saria. Grooming does mess it up. It makes things really confusing.