Will It Ever End?!?!

[trying2movefwd]

23 years of trauma. . . And now I have flashbacks and nightmares on an almost daily and often multiple time a day basis. EMDR made it worse for me. Often after these intense flashbacks I revert back to the ages I was at the time. For instance last night I hid under the blankets for a very long time and felt like a little girl. After teenage related flashbacks I will feel like I am 15 again perhaps even think I am until I remind myself that I am 34. My emotions have not matured (something i learned in therapy ) . I hate the intensity of flashbacks and how difficult it is to ground myself especially when I have a "new" flashback. I had this last night. I need the pain to end. I can't keep liliving like this.

 

[Deleted member 30036]

Maybe talk to your T about Doing CBT i know it helped me and ill soon be moving back to EMDR

 

[sonicwhite]

23 years? Man, that is so long to have trauma or is that how long you have been dealing with PTSD? I'm sorry you're going thru this. My trauma was in 05 and I have dealt with flashbacks but I mainly deal with nightmares. Ugh they can get so bad.


Just hang in there I'll be praying for you.

 

[Deleted member 30036]

Maybe talk to your T about Doing CBT i know it helped me and ill soon be moving back to EMDR[/QUOT...

Actually was meaning dbt not cbt stupid phone autocorrecting me.

 

[GrayOwl]

Good Morning T2.
You tried EMDR. Give it a rest and take care of yourself.
I agree w @ThatRandom91 maybe talk to T and find gentler options.
As for "hiding under the blankets"... maybe it was just a good place to meditate. Safe secure and quiet. ??? I do that.
I self medicated my emotions into oblivion for over 25 years - I'm 59 going on 34. I'm learning to forgive myself and accept my place with that today.
I don't really want to give advice.... I see a kind wonderful person in T2. I'm sorry you hurt so much.
Thanks for hangin out and thanks for sharing.
I'll say a little prayer and send a hug too.
I hope you feel better soon.

 

[Lucycat]

I revert to the child me when triggered. I have now been in therapy for 7 years and have found that the periods of being triggered are far less frequent as well as being less intense. I am sure a part of that is learning about what is going on in my head. When I realise it was a trigger it is easier to move on than wondering why the f*ck I feel so dreadful.

For me EMDR was very helpful. I would use it again if something new cropped up that needed processing. However now my sessions are few and far between and mostly just talking.

 

[trying2movefwd]

Abuse of every kind and neglect from the time I was 5 until 2 days before my 16th Birthday, and then at 20 years of age I entered into an abusive (violent ) relationship for 13 years. So yes 23 years of trauma. I don't know why I am alive. I had a T tell me that she didn't know anyone who had it worse than me. I kept trying to minimize and say, "I know there are people who have had it worse. " She ended up terminating me because I needed more help than she cccould offer. The very first person I ever trusted. I want to believe she was just saying that because she didn't want me minimizing my pain. But the intense look on her face makes me believe otherwise. I am with a new T now and going to try DBT. Well actually Im in PHP right now . I was recently hospitalized for S/I because the flashbacks are so many and so intense I can't stand living like this. Im on so many meds now, Im not even sure they do much.

 

[trying2movefwd]

But once I am done with PHP I am going to try DBT with a T who specializes in trauma and dissociative disorders. By the way the 5 until almost 16 year old abuse happened daily and Often multiple times a day for those 10 years. Not trying to be on a soap box. Im sure others probably have had it worse. Im just in pain and feel trapped in my past. I think it could potentially kill me. :(

 

[sonicwhite]

So sorry for all this affliction. Man, my trauma was from a abusive father from eight till seventeen but it didn't even phase me I was so hard headed. In 05 when I went thru a psychosis is when I was really traumatized. But it was like little less then a year.

My dreams really didn't start until 2010 five years after the trauma. I'm sorry you've gone thru this. It's heartbreaking to see. When I would have a flashback I was thinking I was in the psychosis again and in hell on earth. Weed made me have flashbacks. Now that I stay away from weed I just get nightmares. And they have been getting worse.


I think it has a lot to do with how I have been managing my symptoms. Self medicating and such. Doing more harm then good. I'm praying that things ease up for you....

 

[lifelesscomplicated]

23 years of trauma. . . And now I have flashbacks and nightmares on an almost daily and often m...

So sorry, sweets. I can tell you that it will become different and then better. The trick for me is determinedly seeking positivity. Filling my life, my mind, my heart with positive things gives me a soft place to land when flights of flashbacks occur. Just keep on trying different things to guide your feelings and thinking. Peace.

 

[EveHarrington]

Please don't ever feel bad for stating that your trauma was terrible and even worse than what some others may have experienced. It's a factual statement and it's quite alright to acknowledge the severity of your trauma.

 

[sun seeker]

Often after these intense flashbacks I revert back to the ages I was at the time. For instance last night I hid under the blankets for a very long time and felt like a little girl.

Yes, I do this too (regression). It seems to come in waves, and it's less intense than it was, if that's any consolation.

I need the pain to end. I can't keep liliving like this.

I understand. I'm so sorry it is this hard. Hugs to you if you accept.