Undiagnosed A Bit Original Struggle, Possibly

[Engineer]

When asked for details I can't really explain what happened. I just remember the bits and pieces of flashbacks. A group of people surrounding me and attacking me. Leading to my fear of being in crowds where there's no space for me to escape. So far, I've connected it to my severe bullying in elementary school. Where I became mute and unresponsive for two years. I have struggles communicating simple feelings. Unsure of what to say, or what facial expression to use. Meeting new people causes anxiety and the fear of turning my back to walk away. Someone sneaking up on me leads to instant uncontrolled violence. The days when life becomes stressful causes many panic attacks. Shaking of the hands, hyperventilating, lashing out at people who try to calm me, etc. Every night I close my eyes I feel the attacks all over again and I remember all the insults said.

 

[Kintsugi]

Welcome to the forum.

 

[Dannyuk78]

Welcome to the ever growing family, Sorry to hear what happened to you but you have now found a safe place that evryone will try to help you get through those tough days and nights.

talk/dont talk or engage/dont engage the choice is all yours and people will understand.

i look forward to chatting to you at some point along all our journeys

 

[Engineer]

Welcome to the ever growing family, Sorry to hear what happened to you but you have now found a safe...

Thank you I've never had a safe place. Always been just me. But, I was browsing and found this site. Great to have support!

 

[ladee]

Welcome. Everyone here understands on some level. Encourgement, support, suggestions.
Glad you are here.
Gentle hugs if you accept.

 

[joeylittle]

Welcome, @Engineer.

Have you been able to meet with a psychologist and obtain a diagnosis - and/or, do any work with a therapist on symptom management?

 

[Engineer]

Welcome, @Engineer.

Have you been able to meet with a psychologist and obtain a...

I am not allowed by my parents to have a therapist, psychologist or counselor.

 

[Rani G2]

How come? Can you tell more?

 

[Engineer]

How come? Can you tell more?

My mom believes that her by herself can solve my problems.

 

[joeylittle]

I am not allowed by my parents to have a therapist, psychologist or counselor.

Are you in school? It's likely you can pursue an option that way, at least for some coping skills and/or to actually be diagnosed.

It will depend on your state, what levels of confidentiality you have. But for a school bullying incident, and one from elementary level involving students not teachers, I suspect you'd not be negatively affected by mandatory reporter laws.

It's always worth it to get help.

Also - you may not have PTSD. That incident could have given rise to an anxiety disorder, for instance. There could be a number of different possibilities.

Not having PTSD doesn't mean you aren't struggling with real things right now - it only means that there are different options open to you for managing and ultimately diffusing the symptoms that are disrupting your life the most.

 

[Engineer]

Are you in school? It's likely you can pursue an option that way, at least for some coping skills...

My school reports anything out of the ordinary. I'm not going to risk it. Already tried and it ended badly.

 

[joeylittle]

Already tried and it ended badly.

What happened?