SinkorSwim
Gold Member
I can count on two hands how many medications I tried to help my generalized anxiety. I feel like yet another one is failing me again. I don't want to bring this up to the psychiatrist because I think she is frustrated with me. I try to tell her everything that goes on but she doesn't have the best beside manor and I don't know if I trust her. My therapist is a sweet lady but I am afraid she is getting frustrated with me too. I keep going back because I just want to get better and wake up one day and be free of anxiety. I want her to know I try so hard. I do take all of her suggestions but my anxiety is just that bad and I can't control it no matter how hard I try. I'm literally trying to pick apart my entire life to try and figure out what is causing all this anxiety. It really comes and goes and depends on the situations I am in and what has caused me to be anxious on a day to day basis. The answer is literally everything causes me anxiety. I hate when people talk about me behind my back. I hate my job and i'm going to school to try to get a new one. I feel I don't fit in at my current job I have been at for 10 years because I am a girl, and girls don't belong on construction sites. I get laughed at when I go on job sites. I don't want to learn the new technology out there because I am afraid it will cause more stress and I don't get paid enough for all of this stress. My coworker died a year in a half ago and I hate that I am now forced into a more senior position and am forced to make tougher decisions. I feel like I am completely unsure of myself. My coworker that sits behind me constantly asks me questions and then belittles me when I don't have a straight answer, or goes and asks my other coworker is my answer isn't good enough. I have it made up in my head that my work now is going to fire me before I can make it through school to find a new job. The boss that was a dick to me for the past 8 years has now done a 360 and is nice to me. I feel like he has something up his sleeve. He constantly tells my other coworkers that I talk too much and this isn't social hour. I'm sorry if I care about people and want to know how there weekend was for 2 minutes. Everyone thinks he is an asshole and honestly I think that he is a bit jealous of me that I get along so well with everyone. I feel like I won't be cut out for what I want to go to school for because I have anxiety so bad. When I am in the classroom everyone seems so much more less anxious then me. When I am anxious I stick out like a sore thumb. I hate talking in front of a group of people, but I push myself and participate and sound like an idiot so I can get participation points. I can't even touch my husband right now how am I going to touch a complete stranger to get there blood pressure. I know I am a lot less anxious when I can talk to a person one on one. That is why I continue to go to school. When I try and explain why I am anxious sometimes it doesn't make sense but other times it does and I feel better after therapy. I feel so uncomfortable when my husband drinks in front of me and tries to hug and kiss me. I feel like everyone is always out to get me and I can't trust anyone because they will stab me in the back. I've been seeing a psychiatrist for four years and a therapist for three. I feel like I am fighting a war in my mind every day. I try every day to fight my anxiety. I run, I exercise, I do yoga, I meditate. I try so hard. I just can't win and I am getting so tired. I just want to lay in bed for a week and sleep and do absolutely nothing. I just don't know what other help I can get to try and fight this when everyone is already trying to help me with everything they have.
