I am sitting here really depressed and probably dissociated. I feel like I have lost touch with myself and life in general. I know my ex did not cause all my issues (I had a lot before I met him), but was actively working on them...at least I thought I was. There is no doubt the marriage to him exacerbated all my stuff plus added some more. I wonder a lot about what I could have been thinking when I married him...I thought we could recover together...lol!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well, I guess I was not really thinking at all. I quickly found myself in over my head...I never knew people like that existed.
But what I really do not get is I was always a very kind loving person...kinda retarded cause I loved everyone and trusted way too easily. I managed to hold onto a hopeful attitude and tried very hard to develop a life after the divorce. I have not succeeded...I put myself out there a lot and really tried.
Whenever I am around people anymore (have some social phobias too), am defensive, angry, and irritable. I understand it to a degree because i do not get a lot of positive feedback.However, I am blown away at the nastiness of me...it is like who is this?
The other thing is they are always talking about their families, jobs, travel, etc....I understand they are just talking about their lives. I have none of those things so I end up feeling ashamed and a nothing. This process has gone on about two years and is getting worse. I am no longer comfortable with myself at home either. To put it blankly, I am so miserable I cannot stand myself.
This i all compounded by no longer have much hope and sometimes do not think there is anything to recover for. My precious cat; and she is precious Just getting it all off my chest...thanks
But what I really do not get is I was always a very kind loving person...kinda retarded cause I loved everyone and trusted way too easily. I managed to hold onto a hopeful attitude and tried very hard to develop a life after the divorce. I have not succeeded...I put myself out there a lot and really tried.
Whenever I am around people anymore (have some social phobias too), am defensive, angry, and irritable. I understand it to a degree because i do not get a lot of positive feedback.However, I am blown away at the nastiness of me...it is like who is this?
The other thing is they are always talking about their families, jobs, travel, etc....I understand they are just talking about their lives. I have none of those things so I end up feeling ashamed and a nothing. This process has gone on about two years and is getting worse. I am no longer comfortable with myself at home either. To put it blankly, I am so miserable I cannot stand myself.
This i all compounded by no longer have much hope and sometimes do not think there is anything to recover for. My precious cat; and she is precious Just getting it all off my chest...thanks
