Hi, I just found this forum and I figured it would be a lot of help; I've attempted to talk this out on another website but... it quickly depleted into nothing as everyone in that community is less than optimistic. Prefacing that I'm the one who has CPTSD in this relationship, I've started attending therapy and am being given medication. My partner also has mental health related issues/is on the autism spectrum.
We are/were long distance, both in our early 20s, and were officially together for nearly 2 years with a year of friendship (with me having feelings as he wasn't emotionally ready yet) before getting together. He dropped this on me out of nowhere not even a week after discussing what we are going to do about my visa situation, when I would be moving over after my last year of uni, and what we needed (I.E: "We really need a dining table") when we move in together. At first he simply said he needed a break/space and time to figure out his emotions and head. Ultimately, I tried to deny it and bargain/ask for a second chance but that resulted in him panicking and repeatedly saying he can't do this anymore before telling me he wants to break it off cleanly. As he put it, he felt trapped and miserable. Our relationship was good, we were constantly in contact and I even flew out to be with him for the entire month of June. The only problem that seemed to cause this all is that I've currently gone none professionally treated for a couple years as I aged out of children's insurance coverage. Which led to fits of paranoia, mood swings, and me to need a lot more intimacy/time together than he did. It made our arguments hell whenever I would go into an episode (which was often towards the end), and my (emotionally/verbally abusive) life definitely had a play in this as it made me thoroughly miserable. Ultimately, it ended with me being miserable due to the constant abuse at home then lashing out at him and in turn making him miserable. We both agreed we still love each other, and that seeing other people is out if the question for a long while, and we also agreed to stay in each others lives. We also agreed on both of us needing to seek professional help. I asked if we could see where things our in a few months, once both of us have had time to start fixing ourselves, and asked if we could be together again. He replied with "I hope so, but I don't want to get your hopes up and say yes".
I know the break up is my fault, he's told me he was unhappy before but we never discussed seeking mental wellness treatment/we seemed to go in circles. I was insufferable, clingy, and too much to handle. Recently, we decided to come up with a schedule of days that were solely dedicated to spending time with me and I really thought that was going to help then he dropped this on me. I can tell he's my person and that we're meant to be together? I'm just... Not sure how to approach him, once we've both had some time for emotional growth, about this because he's in the mindset of "I'm always going to be this miserable and nothing is going to change". He's given me entirely confusing signals as well? Telling me to keep the shirt he gave me to sleep with instead of binning it, saying he's going to keep "the cute pictures of your face", and retreating into himself/turning cold like the last time he was incredibly stressed/depressed due to outside circumstances.
We are/were long distance, both in our early 20s, and were officially together for nearly 2 years with a year of friendship (with me having feelings as he wasn't emotionally ready yet) before getting together. He dropped this on me out of nowhere not even a week after discussing what we are going to do about my visa situation, when I would be moving over after my last year of uni, and what we needed (I.E: "We really need a dining table") when we move in together. At first he simply said he needed a break/space and time to figure out his emotions and head. Ultimately, I tried to deny it and bargain/ask for a second chance but that resulted in him panicking and repeatedly saying he can't do this anymore before telling me he wants to break it off cleanly. As he put it, he felt trapped and miserable. Our relationship was good, we were constantly in contact and I even flew out to be with him for the entire month of June. The only problem that seemed to cause this all is that I've currently gone none professionally treated for a couple years as I aged out of children's insurance coverage. Which led to fits of paranoia, mood swings, and me to need a lot more intimacy/time together than he did. It made our arguments hell whenever I would go into an episode (which was often towards the end), and my (emotionally/verbally abusive) life definitely had a play in this as it made me thoroughly miserable. Ultimately, it ended with me being miserable due to the constant abuse at home then lashing out at him and in turn making him miserable. We both agreed we still love each other, and that seeing other people is out if the question for a long while, and we also agreed to stay in each others lives. We also agreed on both of us needing to seek professional help. I asked if we could see where things our in a few months, once both of us have had time to start fixing ourselves, and asked if we could be together again. He replied with "I hope so, but I don't want to get your hopes up and say yes".
I know the break up is my fault, he's told me he was unhappy before but we never discussed seeking mental wellness treatment/we seemed to go in circles. I was insufferable, clingy, and too much to handle. Recently, we decided to come up with a schedule of days that were solely dedicated to spending time with me and I really thought that was going to help then he dropped this on me. I can tell he's my person and that we're meant to be together? I'm just... Not sure how to approach him, once we've both had some time for emotional growth, about this because he's in the mindset of "I'm always going to be this miserable and nothing is going to change". He's given me entirely confusing signals as well? Telling me to keep the shirt he gave me to sleep with instead of binning it, saying he's going to keep "the cute pictures of your face", and retreating into himself/turning cold like the last time he was incredibly stressed/depressed due to outside circumstances.
