Awareness while dissociating?

[ShodokanJenn]

For me, dissociation means checking out from reality. When it happens, I lose all awareness of the outside world and very shortly thereafter I lose awareness all together. I still interact with the world around me, but once I "come back" I have NO recollection of ANYTHING that has transpired. Sometimes I lose minutes, sometimes hours or more.

For those of you who are aware that you are dissociating, how do you know that it is happening? What signs are there?

 

[MyWillow]

I only learnt to be aware with the help of my therapist. She could switch me in and out by touching on a subject that I found difficult (literally how much I am valued at work) and then bringing the conversation back to everyday chat. It was overwhelming to feel that it was so outside my control but it was very revealing. She had previously said that I needed to tell her when I was beginning to dissociate but I simply couldn’t because all my senses went - could not hear, see, speak, feel or move. My therapist is also learning to pace things so I don’t go 0-100 in 1 second.

It doesn’t always feel the same. Sometime I feel like I’m drifting sideways or I can’t hear what she’s saying properly or my vision is narrowing or I feel numb inside or my lips feel numb or my legs are tense, ready to run or my breathing is shallow or sometimes it’s like I’ve been hit by a truck and I feel badly winded. Sometimes it’s a combination of some or all of the above. We are really working on breaking that down at the moment and finding grounding techniques. For example, closing my eyes during a relaxation technique or during trauma sensitive yoga can make me drift sideways extremely quickly so I keep my eyes open until I feel comfortable in closing them. Which might not come to pass.

 

[Justmehere]

Dissociation is a sign my stress cup is full. I usually have a spike in other symptoms or I start losing things or finding mindfulness to be hard before dissociation it gets bad.

 

[Chem Lady]

I feel it coming - my dissociation is not nearly as bad as yours - but it feels like my insides are a universe and there's a black hole in the centre of that universe and it's sucking all my awareness towards this deep place inside of me. I notice that I have trouble focusing on a conversation as I start to drift inward, within myself. I still am aware of the world around around me but I struggle to connect with it.
What a difficult thing to describe!

 

[shimmerz]

For those of you who are aware that you are dissociating, how do you know that it is happening? What signs are there?

It feels like there is a narrator in my head (the usual one) that cannot control the body. I will all the sudden realize that I can't speak. And the narrator keeps saying 'say something....SAY something', but I can't. So now I know to just chill out until I can.

 

[whiteraven]

Dissociation generally occurs along a spectrum, from normal behavior to having DID, with total amnesia. I've had lots of episodes where I'm completely blank - I have no memory for what occurred - but I also have periods where I feel kind of like I'm in a fog or haze. Everything is fuzzy and I'm not really "here" but I'm vaguely aware that something is going on around me.