whiteraven
MyPTSD Pro
I have been in my current position for almost 15 years. I am in lower management, and I generally feel like I'm very good at what I do. But the company I work for (and, specifically, upper management) treats employees with complete disregard. Our thoughts or concerns about the work and the processes don't matter (and often are just never considered), issues brought to the manager are brushed off as "overreacting," and any worries we have about personal safety (toxic chemicals used in unventilated areas, fire hazards) are met with the attitude that we are causing trouble.
I have come to understand that some of my reactions to all this are normal, given the circumstances. I'm not the only one who experiences them, and others feel very much the same way I do. But, as lower management, I tend to be the one to speak up about things. Few others are willing to do so for fear of reprisal. Because I speak up, I am made out to be the bad guy.
I've stopped saying anything in the last few months, because it is grossly unpopular with my manager, and because I simply can't deal with the fallout anymore. But last week I had just had it. I ended up going to my manager's manager and unloading a lot of stuff. She was generally supportive and is planning to meet with my manager tomorrow.
I am TOTALLY freaked out. My manager and I are at odds a lot of the time about how to address difficult issues in the department (she hates confrontation and I think you need to meet issues head-on) and in her eyes I make too much out of everything. She is *never* wrong, and I am just a complainer.
I had a really bad night after work on the day I went to my manager's manager. I had a bad stomachache, came home and sat on the floor and sobbed, and cut twice. On a call with my phone carrier (to attempt to resolve an issue that I've had since I started with them), I was so angry and so not nice.
I have been under a LOT of stress. It seems that when one thing goes wrong in my life, there is this domino effect. And I'm having a very hard time managing my reactions to all of it. I'm afraid this is going to cost me my job at some point, not only because I don't react well at work, but because my anxiety level is so high I just can't function effectively. It's also started to take a huge toll on my physically.
Feeling scared and worried and bad about me.
I have come to understand that some of my reactions to all this are normal, given the circumstances. I'm not the only one who experiences them, and others feel very much the same way I do. But, as lower management, I tend to be the one to speak up about things. Few others are willing to do so for fear of reprisal. Because I speak up, I am made out to be the bad guy.
I've stopped saying anything in the last few months, because it is grossly unpopular with my manager, and because I simply can't deal with the fallout anymore. But last week I had just had it. I ended up going to my manager's manager and unloading a lot of stuff. She was generally supportive and is planning to meet with my manager tomorrow.
I am TOTALLY freaked out. My manager and I are at odds a lot of the time about how to address difficult issues in the department (she hates confrontation and I think you need to meet issues head-on) and in her eyes I make too much out of everything. She is *never* wrong, and I am just a complainer.
I had a really bad night after work on the day I went to my manager's manager. I had a bad stomachache, came home and sat on the floor and sobbed, and cut twice. On a call with my phone carrier (to attempt to resolve an issue that I've had since I started with them), I was so angry and so not nice.
I have been under a LOT of stress. It seems that when one thing goes wrong in my life, there is this domino effect. And I'm having a very hard time managing my reactions to all of it. I'm afraid this is going to cost me my job at some point, not only because I don't react well at work, but because my anxiety level is so high I just can't function effectively. It's also started to take a huge toll on my physically.
Feeling scared and worried and bad about me.