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Other Spirituality? (post-cult) - where does our strength come from?

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saraemerald

MyPTSD Pro
I hope this post doesn't sound too bold or whatever because it's referencing spirituality. But I want to address where the source of our strength comes from. The struggle between believers and non-believers. The struggle between whether that strength came from us alone or with the help of "God' holy spirit". If we have left a religious or bible based cult, this inner conflict of where this strength came from, can be absolutely overwhelming! and cause inner angst and distress. I know it has for me. It's caused me to become self-destructive, question my motives and caused a huge crisis of faith which has caused me to question and leave a known cult. That's the plus. The negative part is the self-destructive behaviors and self-doubt and trying to move forward and heal.
 
I wasn’t raised in a cult but I was placed in a foster home for about three years with foster parents who used the Bible, and God as an excuse to beat me, and commit other forms of abuse against me and my brother. My foster dad was a former pastor who had to step down after being exposed as a pedifile, my foster mom believed that God spoke directly to her and told her things. There were many times I was accused of things I didn’t do because God told her I did them. Instead of going to church we would have prayer meetings at our house. They would invite friends over, and sometimes strangers. My brother and I would be placed in the middle of the room where everyone would gather around and pray for us. The would annoint us with oil, lay there hands on us, talk in tongues, and rebuke the devil saying that all of our bad behaviors were from him. As a child, I questioned gods existance, and the fact that if he did exist, did he actually care about me? Why would he allow so many horrible things to happen? As I got older, I continued just walking the line, not sure if I believed, but not willing to completely say I didn’t. I never went to church, or taught my kids about god, And usually only prayed when I felt like my life was falling apart. About seven years ago I left an abusive relationship with my children, it was a very dark time in my life and I started to consider suicide again as a way to escape the pain. But I met this stranger one day who all the sudden just started talking to me out of the blue. He was talking about this recovery group he went to and how god had redeemed him from his past mistakes and all of the hurt. To be honest I thought he was a bit of a wacko but over the next few months I couldn’t stop thinking about it. My sister in-law was going to go with me but we couldn’t seem to coordinate a time so I ended up going by myself to check out this group. I’ve been in recovery for about seven yrs now. I guess for myself what I’ve discovered is that everything I was taught about God as a child was a lie. I still struggle, especially with forgiving myself for things I’ve done in the past, but I don’t blame him anymore for leaving me, or not being there for me. I can look back now and see that he was there for me in ways I never noticed. I still struggle with going to church, I don’t like people touching me or talking to me about god, I figure that there isn’t anything they can tell me that I don’t know or can’t figure out for myself. I think that out of all the abuse I was subjected to spiritual abuse was probably the most damaging because it gets to the core of who we are, and what our purpose in life is. But that’s just my opinion
 
I wasn’t raised in a cult but I was placed in a foster home for about three years with foster pa...
Spiritual abuse is terrible and yes, it does affect the core of who we are and our purpose in life. It affects what you believe about life around you and your belief system. What you went through was awful. Sorry you had to suffer through all that.
I'm struggling with my own spirituality and a possible belief in a God. It hurts when you are born into a cult and you fall for it and think you have "the truth", and it gives you a sense of purpose and you feel spiritually connected but then discover it was a based on a bunch of lies. It's very confusing to go through.
 
Something powerful and to be honored, what people say about that something (Someone) does not matter, it was strength when needed.

I just had to come to terms with not being as powerful and guarded as youth me wanted to believe, and have to be careful whenever I am slipping into the old mindsets (oops, well, self, there ain't a magic of a prayer and herbs that would make you bulletproof. Its called bulletproof vest. There also is not invisibility. It is called well done camouflage. And praying over people losing all of their strength is not as good as handing them propaganda leaflets of why their own govt are pansies. And the like. The mundane messing worlds more making sense to me at times surprises me.)
 
"The mundane messing worlds more making sense to me at times surprises me." What do you mean by this?
And the rest of your post, are you referring to the fact that a lot of that strength comes from our own efforts and not some extraordinary spirit? Cuz sometimes, there are people who supposedly believe in a God and tap into his strength but are complete hypocrites.
 
I was raised in a Bible-based cult. Got out after nearly 30 years of it. I'll admit, I used to think they were very correct and I was going to Hell if I renounced my faith, but after what I've been through and the things I'm learning in other spiritual traditions, I'm finally at a place were I can say I don't care. I was manipulated into "believing" at the ripe age of 11, but now I know I was right all along. I don't believe in what I was taught!! I no longer follow any religion at all, but I have been studying shamanism, nature-based spirituality, and energy-based science/spirituality to get a better sense of what I pick up on intuitively. These studies are all academic, but I still recognize a Force behind the energies at play in the Universe, and I believe that all religions are just humankind's attempt to explain the Unexplainable. I'm no longer trying to do so. The Unexplainable is unexplainable, and is perceived differently by every human being on this planet. I follow what I perceive. Others are free to do the same; but I follow no religion.
 
There’s a great big middle ground between believing what a cult has taught you, and not believing in anything. The heart of pretty much every version of christianity seems to be the same: God loves you. Seems to me that anything beyond that is interpretation. But they all have that fundamental message in common. God loves you. If you want to keep believing? You don’t need to go any deeper than that right now. God loves me. Awesome. If that gives you a feeling of strength? Bonus.

But Gor or no God, your strength doesn’t evaporate just because you’ve left a particular church group. Too many people outside of that group have strength, so obviously that particular group doesn’t have a monopoly on inner strength.

One of the biggest struggles I’ve had recovering from what I was indoctrinated with? Is that vacuum left by the purpose it gave my life. I was explicitly taught: this is what God’s purpose for your life is, and this is what you need to do to fill that purpose.

That purpose? Didn’t work out for me. I ended up in a complete mess and racked with self-loathing. But abandoning what I was taught, means I’m left with the prospect that I now seem to have no purpose. I don’t know what my life is for, or qhat I’m supposed to do with it.

There are times when I still get drawn back towards what I was taught, regardless of how heinous it was, simply because it gives my life purpose. The deal with my recovery? And one of the reasons it will take so long? Is that I need to figure out a new purpose for my life from scratch.

Most people start that search for purpose in their toddler years. I’m a few decades late and that makes me panic a bit. But there’s no time limit. It takes as long as it takes.

And when I’m being honest with myself? I did NOT feel strong, or closer to God, when I was dutifully obeying the dogma I was taught. I just plain old hated myself. Telling myself “it was better/easier back then...” simply isn’t true.

When you really desperately want to be a good person? Cults are attractive. They hand you the rule book and all you have to do is obey, right? Only problem is that the rules are completely bogus, serving the cult rather than you, and are ultimately soul-destroying. There is no rule book. That’s scary. Makes life much harder. Much, much harder. But it puts us back in the same scary mysterious “what is it all about” boat that the rest of humanity lives in. And being allowed to create your own rules? Your own purpose? Freedom like that could give you the strength you’re looking for if you’re willing to embrace it and risk messing things up sometimes:)
 
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There’s a great big middle ground between believing what a cult has taught you, and not believing in...
This is beautiful. It's really hard to approach any kind of faith. I was raised in the west and so culturally have a Judeo-Christian world view. When I understood that I brought a mentally ill person into the church, things made sense to me finally. That's a little simplistic, but sums it up I think. Good thread, thank you.
 
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I was raised in a Bible-based cult. Got out after nearly 30 years of it. I'll admit, I used to think they...
Thanx for this. I get what you are saying

There’s a great big middle ground between believing what a cult has taught you, and not believing in...
OMG. Thank you for this. I've feel so lost without a purpose since I've left that cult, as well as feel so lonely because that cult practices shunning so noone talks to me anymore. I am in soooo much pain because of this and struggling to function every day. One of the biggest things for me though right now is lack of purpose and feeling like I mean something. How do cults do this to us?
 
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One of the biggest things for me though right now is lack of purpose and feeling like I mean something.

Totally mean something. You are your whole world.

So, what are things you like doing, or that you like being near happening? :) Or that you thought of doing and could not do while you were in, or wanted to try when you were younger, or had saved for those maybe one day I will... moments. :)
 
this is what God’s purpose for your life is, and this is what you need to do to fill that purpose.
Yes, mine was apparently to be a nun. Everyone in the family expected it, insisted upon it, punished me if I got off track.

I have to be honest, I would have made a really shitty nun. Not for obvious reasons (lack of sex, being good and kind) but rather - I am not much of a 'standard protocol follower'. I tend to be an outside the box thinker.

The Roman Catholic church isn`t really seen (I don`t think) as a cult, but I have to tell you, my parents, aunts, uncles, friends in my oh so Catholic school made it into a cult. And the cult was all about the pressure of my not believing what I was supposed to in order to be part of the RC club. They made my life misery.

No church or other organization for that matter that practices shunning in ANY way is worth anything. Hypocritical, disgusting, damaging and even soul crushing.
 
Looking back in human history at belief about the spirit world has helped me frame my experiences and also find new ways of thinking about spiritual abuse as I would define it in my own existence, rather than apply a ready-made definition to my experiences. The former is more authentic and healing at the very level where the damage is done, in which core definition of self and life and all things is denied to the mind of the person. They are not allowed "to know." This is particularly destructive upon those who arrive to the planet with a deep sense of "knowing" already in place, as I did, along with a profound need "to know" for oneself. (See "(Women's) Ways of Knowing" research for more detail than I can go into here).

I believe many people have always found it hard to accept dogma, be it religious or cultural in nature, due to arriving on the planet with knowing and wisdom or identity that run against the political and religious climate in which they find themselves. We have biblical patriarch Daniel to thank for showing us the way surviving the "Lion's Den" and "trial by fire" as Judeo-Christian idioms that express the metaphoric problems faced by people like "us" who are directly connected to "the spirit world" or "God" or "source," whatever you want to label it, or who find ourselves inherently at odds with the group's good/bad ideas, regardless of if those are orthodoxy, holy text-based, or merely a cultural norm. I might argue that such people (Daniels?) will find themselves trying to defend their realities in ways that expose them to trauma of particular types in addition to the more frequently reported traumas of those with PTSD.

Spiritual abuse
is a phrase that might be useful here to describe the traumas that are particular for those who arrive in any way different from the spiritual group they find themselves placed in or who are not good "conformers" to said group, or both. Likewise, spiritual abuse might also be specific types of behaviors perpetrators of spirit abuse actually DO/SAY that fall outside of abuse in secular society that will uniformly damage recipients who cannot avoid or escape such behavior, nor receive support, alternatives, or a voice within the community. Within this, I feel that what makes this more damaging is the element of group psychology, and the POWER dynamics within the group. Who has power to determine if the damaging behavior will be tolerated or allowed to continue (openly) or will not be recognized, believed, or exposed for how damaging it is within the group (behind closed doors). In harmful spirit abuse, the group will uphold the abuse because it is deemed justified by the norms, even if obviously unfair; but the perp will be allowed to continue with the behavior unchecked, and the victims will have no recourse or protection within the community. Finally, financial, sexual, or other secular abuses taking place within a religious context will also damage the person's ability to relate, trust, feel safe, or find common ground in the religious setting. It will usually be met with silence or outright rejection as it poses a threat to the "greater good" or survival of the "hive."

Not all people with PTSD will relate to this experience, but all trauma is based on profound "shocks to the system" of the person at their core, probably repeatedly, and always not in line with their sense of meaning, purpose, identity, or core definitions, not just "safety" as Maslow or the DSM would suggest as essential. Essentializing just physical safety and well-being is reductive as to what in going on in the human experience. Essential survival safety is a core aspect of true/classic/textbook PTSD, or maybe even real PTSD. But any working definition of trauma and PTSD etiology will also need to be complicated by damage to being allowed to experience a sense of safety being who you actually are in your world, and being allowed to locate support within groups. Many religious people understand this and can operate in an empathetic way; but group-think and group psychology has long shown that organizations and corporations are a collective, and a collective, by definition, is structured to be first and foremost self-preserving and, as a consequence, incapable of empathy: think of a bee hive. It's goal is a collective survival, not "understanding" the bees who don't fit into its paradigm. In nature, runts are left to die.

Humans within groups have an increased capacity to damage or totally destroy individuals, or micro-cultures, like the LGBTQ population, by simply ignoring it, discounting it's experiences or definitions, or causing the member to need to outwardly conform or actively abusing them, sometimes on a large scale, as in the Inquisitions or genocide or holy wars. As you know, outward conformity influences the inside (brainwashing) and it's very hard to maintain a separate world inside our ourselves when we're actively behaving in opposite ways outwardly. Being at war within oneself is itself very damaging far beyond PTSD's scope. This happens even when the only consequence is being labeled as "bad" by your group withing the realm of emotional abuse, rejection by the group, and internalization of microaggressions, such as having one's comments mocked or being labeled as "demon possessed" or spiritually unclean or not up to snuff.
 
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