Relationship Losing it.

[Cleo1521]

I don’t even know if I’m posting this in the right place. I’ve been back and forth here for over a year now. I feel like I’m going crazy tip toeing around what to say and what not to say to him. He makes plans and never shows up. We’re supposed to go away this weekend and I don’t think it’s happening anymore. He shuts me out for months at a time, but carries in with others like it’s nothing. I don’t understand. I feel defeated, not enough, and I’m exhausted.

 

[EveHarrington]

Why are you accepting this behavior from him?

Why haven’t you set boundaries and enforced them.

He acts this way (at least in part) because you accept this behavior from him.

 

[Cleo1521]

Why are you accepting this behavior from him?

Why haven’t you set boundaries and enforced them...

I’ve tried. When we can actually have a serious talk...it gets talked about and he goes right back to the same thing.

 

[Friday]

Talking the talk, and walking the walk, are 2 different things.

IE if the man can’t be honest about what he needs/ wants/ is willing to do/ isn’t able to do? It ain’t much use talking.

Doesn’t matter how nice -or even realistic- a plan is, if it doesn’t actually happen.

 

[EveHarrington]

What are the consequences for crossed boundaries?

 

[Cleo1521]

What are the consequences for crossed boundaries?

Anytime I talk about the way he treats me he either blows up or stops talking to me for months. Maybe I’m here for a wake up call for myself.

 

[Cleo1521]

Talking the talk, and walking the walk, are 2 different things.

IE if the man can’t be honest about...

It changes like the wind.

 

[Tinyflame]

@Cleo1521 Boundaries are what you will do in response to (x), with both being clearly understood by both people.

 

[Cleo1521]

@Cleo1521 Boundaries are what you will do in response to (x), with both being...

How do you set boundaries with someone that acts this way? He just leaves or tells me I’m selfish. I sound foolish I know.

 

[Tinyflame]

No, not foolish @Cleo1521 .

An example might be, if I don't hear from you 2 days before mutually-agreed-to plans to confirm, I will make other plans.

 

[Cleo1521]

No, not foolish @Cleo1521 .

An example might be, if I don't hear from you 2 days bef...

I made a reservation that I had to pay for upfront and I did the “are you sure” question and he flipped saying I was doubting him. Now here we are. Tomorrow is the last day I can attempt to get my money back. It’s really not about the money...it’s about the behavior.

 

[Tinyflame]

If it's a learning experience, you could split the cost in advance in the future, if that's acceptable to you. Or contact him and say are we still on because tomorrow is the last day I can get my money back. If I don't get confirmation I will consider that means you can't come and get my money back or it will be wasted.

If he balks at that he's not showing much consideration for you.

But that is different from simply 'fearing' he will not show.