Stuck in a dark place without a path forward

[Survivor3]

I think you should mention suicidal thoughts.

and maybe something too sedate you. Tell them you want to feel calmer

 

[Justmehere]

They just told me to leave.

 

[Survivor3]

They just told me to leave.

I think you should forget about it at the moment. Go home, make something to eat and try to relax and or sleep.Don't take medication that might make you puke. Do you have any mood stabalizers? Because maybe you need them too keep you calmer generally.

 

[Justmehere]

This was beyond a joke.“Unsafe thoughts” and “severe depression” and “my primary care doctor sent me here” wasn’t enough for a mental health eval?! My primary care doctor said she’s going to file a grievance. She said, “how is this even legal?!”

I’m now completely dissociating. So I don’t feel bad now, I just feel numb. I’m going home. If I get unsafe, I’m going to try to have the courage to call friend and ask to stay with them I guess. Ok, so I probably won’t actually have the courage to do that. :( But in theory, it sounds like a solid plan.

My dog is being super cuddly. At least there is that. I figured I can save the money from kenneling her for her care. Maybe I need to focus all my attention on her. Get out of my head and out of my life.

 

[Abstract]

If I get unsafe, I’m going to try to have the courage to call friend and ask to stay with them I guess

Maybe I need to focus all my attention on her. Get out of my head and out of my life.

These are excellent thoughts,

 

[Teasel]

Wondering if it's worth putting something in writing - text or email, ready to send to a friend. As you seem to be able to write here what is going on but cant say it in person?
Rooting for you.

 

[Freida]

cuddle your pup and call your friend. Because that's what they are both for. To support you.

 

[Wildside]

@Justmehere There is still a huge stigma about mental health and the reality is that the society we live in right now hasn't yet developed the coping tools on a wide scale for the mental illnesses that are threatening massive proportions of the population. Just know, its not you. You are not the one that is wrong & you very much deserve to be here and continue to exist, despite the troubles you've experienced so far.

There are some therapists out there (usually those who have been through something similar themselves) who actually know what they're doing and how to give you a safe space but many still don't. I've had a few over the course of my life so far who I ended up leaving because I was so frustrated with their inability to see below the surface of my apparent 'functionality'. I just sensed they were incapable of understanding where I was coming from so I never even tried to broach the subject of my suicidal thoughts with them. Its only now that I have finally found someone who I've been able to trust enough to speak openly with. It only takes one person validating your experience and actually seeing you in the darkness, exactly as you are, to change your whole perspective to one of healing.

The way my current therapist does that is by self-disclosing sometimes to make me feel more comfortable & understood and that helps me hugely because I can see he really gets it because he has been somewhere similar himself. (I think its called dynamic psychotherapy & works on the basis that nobody - not even professional therapists - can truly be a 'blank slate' and that trying to be that way just strips the humanity out of the therapeutic relationship). There are definitely increasing numbers of those people now who have survived the dark hole and are making it their life's work to help people who still feel that way.

So what I'm trying to say is that, if you can just hang on, there are people out there who actually care. Don't let those who don't have the same capacity for empathy make you believe that you aren't worthy. "People can only meet you as deeply as they've met themselves", as they say. You have survived this long, so you must be strong. I know it seems impossible to be your own saviour & keep yourself alive until someone finally sees you but that's why it is literally the bravest thing you could ever do.

Also it sounds like your pup needs you :)

So yeah, even though I don't know you, I see your suffering, it MATTERS & so do you. I really hope you keep going. x

 

[Tinyflame]

That's an amazing post @wildside .

 

[mlj6019]

I’m sorry your doctor and therapist don’t seem to be taking you serious. That must be very frustrating to reach out and not get the proper response and/or help. I’m just now seeing your post from Thursday. I hope you are in a better place by now and do hope you are able to get the proper help you need and get your meds straightened out. I can see that you really really want help. I do hope your dog will be ok and you too.

 

[talon]

I saw a new specialist this morning about my recent sleep problems. My old sleep med doc retired. My doc sent me to the to sort out sleep meds. They said, “why isn’t anyone taking your depression more seriously?” He kept stating I was clearly struggling and in distress over and over.

Then asked me to describe my trauma so “I will know what I am dealing with” and I replied, “well it was traumatic....” and didn’t state anything more.

Then they proceeded to tell me to look at my phone less as the entire solution.

I told my primary care doc a week ago about how bad things have become, and she giggled and I didn’t. I have a weird knack for doctors laughing when I’m being as serious as I can be.

I was begging for help. I felt so bad. My therapist has no openings for two weeks and at the last session she didn’t seem to get it despite my stating, “I really need you to please hear how suicidal I am.” I told her I have plans, they are detailed. She told me to find reasons to hang on. Like uh. Yeah. Trying. She had to cut that session short because of construction in the hallway that disrupted it and caused me to have difficulty breathing due to all the glue fumes.

I’ve canceled all future appointments with her for now. I canceled a follow up with my primary care doc. There isn’t any point. They can’t help. I’m not even sure why I’m posting this.

I could drag myself to the ER but what is the point. There isn’t anything anyone can do but me. And I’m out of inner fuel.

You are posting this because clearly you need help and clearly they are not taking you seriously . I suggest you write down your thoughts if it is not working face to face Dr Phill's 10 life laws clearly state 1 .you either get it or you don't . Write down how you feel and make it clear that the consequences of ignoring is not good. Copy to whoever you feel you need to DR etc and make sure in no uncertain terms they must not ignore . I hope this might help . You may add as a means of getting a good response the list of those you shared with . This will put pressure on the recipients in ensuring that they would be responsible for ignoring. Be assertive but polite state you are hearing but not listening

 

[lostforgottensoul]

my vet being very concerned my dog has cancer and struggling to keep up with vet bills

Your service dog? I'm sorry! And I'm sorry I'm only seeing this now. Followed the posts. Hope that you are ok and safe!

I think you should consider that possibly loosing a service dog...especially if said service dog is still working...is very hard and can destablize you all in of itself! So maybe a bigger deal then you are thinking it is?

Hopefully you've stopped puking too? Not sure about GI issues but def mental issues can cause that.

Sorry the hospital treated you that way too! Was always my fear of going to a hospital too! Unless they hear "suicidal" they don't seem to know what to do with psych patients.

Anyway, hoping you are safe and thinking about you!