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Stuck in a dark place without a path forward

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So I am just wondering if you have cold turkeyed off of any drugs?
You need to get back on any drugs and stabilize as this could be withdrawal.
Starting a new med can actually back fire with withdrawal.
It seems that the first step is to call the national suicide hotline. This could help stabilize your thoughts and they will take you seriously.
Second step is to get a sleep/calm aid.
For me this was klonopin. It was shitty after a while, but I slept. I could the problem solve.
Third step is to reschedule your disability hearing. You need to know you can have money.
Fourth step, do DBT.
I would do TIPS followed by effective rethinking.
T-temperature. Get an ice cold water bottle or hot tea. Intense walking followed by hot and cold shower then paced breathing.
Effective rethinking:
I cannot get help.
There is help out there in many forms.
For example.
Coping thoughts.
I can and will survive this.
I am strong.
This too shall pass.
If I were in your situation I would first make sure this isn't drug withdrawal and if it is get back on the lowest effective dose and stabilize for 1 month doing DBT.
If you need to sleep I found low dose klonopin worked for me but it's best if this is temporary but taking a benzodiazepine to sleep so the next day you can better problem solve is a good use of a benzo at least for me.
You need to get from point a to b.
You are trying to get everybody to stabalize you, but you know what you need.
You need sleep. A drug to make you sleep that will not make you crazy.
You need a good day after the sleep to problem solve. Get your disability in order.
Then figure out your care team. It takes a level of stability to actually navigate the mental healthcare system.
 
That's an amazing post @wildside .
I really hope that you will be able to find the right T to help you work out all of this stuff. I've been through therapy 5 times now and I fired 8 therapists. It's hard to find the right match for where you're at at any given time. My hopes and prayers are that you are able to do this quickly.
Hugs of support if you'll except them.
 
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