christmas break advice

[Lalala]

I'm leaving tomorrow to go spend the holidays with my family, a big chunk of it. And there's a problem. I learned over the summer that someone in my family has done something horrible to an aunt when she was in her early teens (molestation). She said they were in the family, but she refused to say who. That guy may be there during the break, and that freaks me out. I don't think I'm at risk, but that would just remind me so much about what happened to me, and it will make me feel horrible. Any advice for that?

 

[joeylittle]

She said they were in the family, but she refused to say who. That guy may be there during the break, and that freaks me out

You don't know who it is - so you'd be worrying over something that may or may not even be happening. I'd recommend sticking with that thought.

 

[blackemerald1]

She said they were in the family, but she refused to say who.

^^Can you be supportive of your Aunt and understand that she needs privacy and respect about this?

If you are not at risk, the person may or may not even be at your family gathering's and you do not know who the perpetrator allegedly was... where is the problem for you?

 

[Lalala]

^^Can you be supportive of your Aunt and understand that she needs privacy and respect about this?

If you are not at risk, the person may or may not even be at your family gathering's and you do not know who the perpetrator allegedly was... where is the problem for you?

I never asked her who it was. She just said when she told me that she wouldn't tell me who it is. Now why this does bother me besides the obvious, is that I was raped along with other stuff and the thought that someone in my family who did do that could be there, makes me feel and think about what happened to me. My family isn't that big anyway. I probs wasn't clear at all when I asked this, but I went help to not think about that in those terms.

You don't know who it is - so you'd be worrying over something that may or may not even be happening. I'd recommend sticking with that thought.

Thanks. Hope that works.

 

[joeylittle]

Hope that works.

I know it's not always easy. Each time you find yourself wondering who it is, just imagine literally turning your thoughts away from that road and putting them on a different one. It can be good to plan some distractions as well, if you need to get your mind busy with other things.

 

[blackemerald1]

@addyx - I am not minimising your experience and I am sorry you have been raped.

Have you considered that there are lots of people that you may meet almost daily in some circumstances that have endured some kind of trauma or are living with injuries both mental and physical from trauma?

I think it is enough that you have your own injuries to deal with without searching and worrying which family member may be your aunt's perpetrator - if indeed they are present at this family gathering at all... which seems unlikely really..

 

[Ronin]

That guy

... Or a woman....

... TLDR you do not have information to even determine the gender, much less anything else, that surely? I would just appreciate your aunt told you something so personal, that she clearly trusts you enough, and try to enjoy the holiday much the same, acting as if you were not told.

Because you lack the data to scan properly, you would be only spinning yourself in circles, and that is not useful.