Sufferer Newly Diagnosed CPTSD. I Didn’t Like The Word 'Sufferer'

[EllyBean82]

Kia ora. I don't really know where to start. I live in new zealand and we have ACC (accident compensation) which all kiwis have access to. they have 'sensitive claims' where you basically Jump thru hoops bt in the end they pay 4 every thing. So I have started the process.

It's started with choosing an acc accredited therapist & building a relationship (4 wks) thn u have a psychiatrist and u go through ur life story and they read it back to you (3 x 2hr sessions) they come back with a diagnosis and then acc will take that approve or decline. this is were I'm at. waiting to see if I'm fukd up enuff.

I have coped over the years mostly thru drugs and shit I didn't realise was cptsd symptoms. But hey, it worked. it kept me alive. I'm now 3 years sober (reducing off 9yrs of methadone) and work part time while caregiving 4 my mum. tbh I think I got my shit 2gether. But now this process has brought shit tho the surface that I have nt needed to think about, bt this is probably the best time to do it. 1 of my main fears is what if I'm not fukd up enough anymore? cos I'm not suicidal or destructive. sorry for the novel. didn't know where to start then it couldn't really stop x

 

[EveHarrington]

Welcome!

The sufferer label is just to tell others if you have ptsd and differentiate you from people who support someone with ptsd or people who are professionals or researchers. It doesn’t mean anything bad really.

 

[419can.dance]

That is difficult in the least of terms. I am somewhat in the same boat in the US awaiting disability to be approved or denied. Jumping through all of the hoops dotting all your I’s and crossing all your t’s
Do you feel like you have been able to build a relationship with your therapist? I know it’s only been a short amount of time but is there at least an understanding between the two of you.? As for seeing the psychiatrist that is held in itself is a whole level of disappointment sometimes. I have to see the psychiatrist once a month until my disability is taken.

 

[KwanYingirl]

Welcome to the forum. I was advised to let my true self come to present my case. Instead of trying to make believe it wasn’t that bad, it really was that bad. I got my SSDI on the first try. Labels are a blessing and a curse. Of course I don’t want to blow my cover but I need all the services that I can’t afford. You’re waking the walk, speak your truth it will set you free. I don’t mean tell everyone, just the federal goverment who can decide whether you need services or not. Good luck and thanks for sharing

 

[EllyBean82]

thanx 4 reply. yeah I think i have a gd relationship with therapist, she was briefly my drug counselor years ago so we have gd rapport. I think I talk too much. I'm not sure. But I think my avoidance has twisted into wanting to be fixed right now. impatient I guess. I think I'll get a lot outta mindfulness once I really understand it.

Welcome to the forum. I was advised to let my true self come to present my case. Instead of trying to make believe it wasn’t that bad, it really was that bad. I got my SSDI on the first try. Labels are a blessing and a curse. Of course I don’t want to blow my cover but I need all the services that I can’t afford. You’re waking the walk, speak your truth it will set you free. I don’t mean tell everyone, just the federal goverment who can decide whether you need services or not. Good luck and thanks for sharing

thanx. being diagnosed was a relief. it legitimised wat happened and a lot made sense.

 

[Lucycat]

Hi @EllyBean82 and welcome to the forum!

 

[EllyBean82]

? thank you x

 

[Abstract]

Hi Elly and welcome. I too hate that word.

 

[Mach123]

I went through all this a couple times. The first time in the eighties I got diagnosed as "drug addict" and they paid for me to get a four year degree. But when I "made it" I was like "wait there's nothing wrong with me."

Then a few years ago (6? IDK) it was CSA which caused cPTSD. I was like "this is just another fraud and more excuses."

Then I learned about it and in the process about me. I think I owe someone for the help I've received which has been considerable. It's hard to say "there's something wrong and I need help." Maybe it should be even harder IDK. But take it and if you really get help and I hope you do, you'll probably help others. I wish u well.

 

[TruthSeeker]

Today- no this past week, while I don’t like the word sufferer either- it’s spot on.

 

[b.matt]

Hello EB,
I am in a similar claim-type process right now with the VA in the USA, and have been for years. My story isn't really the point, though. I just mention it for perspective. I'm no professional, just in a similar spot. The point is that you really hit a nail on the head for me when you talked about being scared that you are not screwed up enough anymore. We share this fear. I hate this fear in myself because it makes me feel very ashamed - I feel like if I heal, then I am screwing myself over, but how can I not want to heal?

Anyway, for me, one thing that has helped is to recognize that it has become hard for me to separate the feelings that I have about the claim process from the feelings that I have about the trauma. The stress of the process and the pain of the memories has start to coalesce some in my mind. I've been writing a lot, and that has helped me to at least know whether I'm just stressed out about the claim, or really hurting from something else.

Be brave and honest. If good things do not come of it, then at least you will know that you have done what you can.
-Brian

 

[katz]

When I first realized that I had been hurt. One of the first things that I decided - and even told some people, is that I preferred to be called a "survivor" instead of a victim.
No matter what the "officials" call you - remember that you can refer to yourself as anything you choose.