What do you do with the pain of not wanting to exist?

[Teasel]

I don't think it is depression or suicidality I'm talking about. Just sometimes the pain is too much, you just want it to stop.

What do you do in that situation? Helpful or not.
Thanks.

 

[Tinyflame]

Idk @berlinda . :( But is the pain from what you can't avoid in your life, or from what isn't in your life?

:hug:

 

[Friday]

is the pain from what you can't avoid in your life, or from what isn't in your life?

This.

 

[Ronin]

Tell it to move, because bits of when I wanted to exist are still here & there, the directives the same, and scraps of a direction forward means I got something to do/be for.

For whenever Im done with this everything hurts bitching & moaning fit.

So the same thing with other pain. Unbearable, but there is an after attached. There isnt one only if I give in & up.

 

[MrMoonlight]

@berlinda would it help to list all the things you are grateful for?

 

[Keming]

scream at it.

 

[Teasel]

But is the pain from what you can't avoid in your life, or from what isn't in your life?

Both I think, but am a bit hard of thinking, shall look again at the question another time.

Thanks @Ronin sometimes I dont seem to remember anything rational like - this will pass etc.

I mean it already has somewhat else I wouldna thought of posting this here.

Thanks @MrMoonlight I shall have a go now.

@Keming does it help you?

 

[Keming]

@Keming does it help you?

It does. Furious screaming. Ripley-vs-Queen screaming. Eowyn vs Witch-King screaming. Defy it. Despair is the enemy, and we hate it - not ourselves. We hate anything that tries to limit us, control us, keep us down. Hate it and attack it with everything we have, logic and emotion and pills and therapy and tricks and just goddamned everything we have.

Screaming is agency. We have a voice. We are not paralyzed.

 

[Ronin]

Screaming is agency.

You view screaming like I view silence :hilarious: (Own space / decision up to me / protecting mine well, so much more, in every case, choice/agency/mine.)

So think there might be lot more things in the antipain toolkit, if one thinks of other things as space, autonomy, freedom, relief, worth going on for.

 

[ladee]

@Ronin said 'worth going on for', which for me was finding purpose in my life. If I had to live knowing it was only going to be pain and hopelessness for 47 forevers, I would have said to hell with this. But I have also done what everyone else says works for them.

But seems the finding purpose, became my reason to get out of bed on the really hard days. Or at least lie in bed and think tomorrow I can work on that purpose.

 

[zero]

I have felt like this quite often, largely because I was taught to feel like this. Then I found a bunch of fantastic docs that taught me otherwise. If you're thinking like this - it hurts - I know.

I was taught that I get to exist, because I'm already here, on the planet. I just get to! :) lol - It's amazing!!! It's been years, but I finally understand it. It's my wish to give this lesson from a lot of smart, sweet doctors - to you - and everyone else that feels this way.

For my situation, it was a med thing. I didn't trust meds for a long time, but I realized I had learned everything in therapy but still felt sad and terrible? Then a fantastic doc saw a pattern for me, and put me on THE med that made me feel better in a day; and I was SOCIAL in 2 weeks! !! ! I still take this med, it keeps the sadness away. Technology is always advancing.

It's a matter of maintenance. And not wanting to feel like crap.

It's possible. You can do this. :) BECAUSE I SAY SO!!! :D:)

darnit.

fondly,
/sat



edit:spelling

 

[Teasel]

But is the pain from what you can't avoid in your life, or from what isn't in your life?

Gonna have a bash at this. In no way do I know that I'll be able to think of everything relevant but that's fine.

What I can't avoid

Ok, so if I write anything in here, will someone come long and say pff, you can avoid that?

Too frightened to write anything down.

Mind's gone blank. Not even sure what this question means now?

Does it mean something like not being able to avoid the fact I lost my legs? (I haven't, just for eg)

Something about living with emotionally abusive ex, not functioning well enough to get the things done that need doing in order for me to be able to leave.

And running out of faith that it's worth bothering anyway.

What isn't in my life

Mind's gone blank....
Something about human connection, good enough human connection, functioning, living

I'm not saying I'm 100% without any human connection whatsoever, same with functioning n living

Just wanna cry.