Relationship Have you ever been to a T session with your sufferer?

[bellbird]

Hello supporters :)

I've recently entered into a relationship, and my T told me that my insurance could cover a session where my boyfriend could attend, to learn more about PTSD/ my situation. I've passed it by him, and it's something we may do, so I'm just curious at this stage if any of you have ever been to a T session with your sufferer? And if that helped you at all/ in which ways?

Thanks!

 

[Sweetpea76]

I have not, but I’d be more than willing to go if my partner ever wanted.

 

[Sideways]

I’ve had an appointments with previous Ts that my parents went to. It was on my dime, my referral etc (so, he didn’t have to become ‘their’ pdoc in order to see them), but was essentially a communication session for them.

They went along with questions to ask, and I’d discussed with my pdoc beforehand the types of information that would be useful for me if they knew, and what types of information was to remain confidential.

I think they felt it was reassuring. They weren’t seeing progress (they were seeing decline), and it was a chance for him to set out the basic treatment plan, what they could contribute, and reassure them of what progress was being made (despite me appearing to be a lot sicker).

I think those sessions were, in retrospect, helpful for everyone.

But (and a big ‘but’) it opened up a channel of communication between my parents (my key support at the time) and my treatment team by ongoing email. Having met each other in person, they all felt a lot more open to shoot off emails about issues and concerns.

At the time, I thought that had to be a good thing. And I think for some people it would be. However, with the benefit of hindsight? That was a complete disaster, and even though everyone was genuinely trying to help me by being open with each other, it did ultimately undermine my treatment.

If my parents ever asked to meet my pdoc now? I’d give them 1 appointment, absolute tops, if they could set out for me very clearly what they wanted to achieve, and that my pdoc was better placed than me to help them with that. Beyond that, I personally wouldn’t be in favour of doing it again.

But in the first instance - I was very unwell, and at least the first time they met it was helpful and reassuring for my parents. Communication beyond that single first appointment I’m not sure I’d recommend, unless it was intentionally couples therapy, with someone other than your personal T.

Everyone will have their own experience though. Personal circumstances vary a lot on what would or wouldn’t be helpful.

 

[bellbird]

Communication beyond that single first appointment I’m not sure I’d recommend

The impression I had from my T was that this would be a single session, with no subsequent communication between them. But I will clarify that with T before we go ahead with anything. :)

 

[blackemerald1]

Hey @bellbird I've taken my husband when I was married. He made a mess of it lol but then he made a mess of a lot of things.

I felt afterwards that he believed he could get a handle on it all in one session and then there was nothing else for him to know. He became quite the expert lol.. and ultimately it undermined some parts of my marriage.

My experience was similar to @Sideways in that my husband then felt he had a right to communicate with my doctor. When I told him he didn't he wasn't happy. And believe me the parameters for the information session were well and truly discussed. But there's no tellin some people...

It also revealed to him how vulnerable I was. That I really did go and get treatment for something that he imagined wasn't real.. till then?

My doctor was not to blame. It certainly depends entirely on your boyfriends character.

You've just formed this relationship recently? It may be ok... difficult to say but why not hold off until you and your new bloke get a few other things sorted first?

 

[LuckiLee]

I've met J's therapists and had in-depth conversations about symptoms and their game plan. I always go when invited. I think his T wants me more involved now so we're slowly adding me into the mix.

Nothing negative has come from it. If anything it puts us on the same page.

 

[bellbird]

You've just formed this relationship recently? It may be ok... difficult to say but why not hold off until you and your new bloke get a few other things sorted first?

Yeah, I think we will hold off a while.
No intention of rushing into it. The insurance will cover that session if/when we decide to use it, rather than being some deadline. :)

@LuckiLee how early into your relationship with J did you first see his T with him?

 

[LuckiLee]

@bellbird, J is my high school sweetheart and we reconnected 27 years later. Through all of those years we always loved each other. I thought of him all the time. He was supposed to only be in the service 4 years and get out. That's not what happened. He made it a career.

So when we reconnected I knew he had a hard life and probably had some pretty big "issues". He told me right away he had alot of "problems" and I should think about getting involved. Too late. I have loved him since I was 14 years old. We we're committed almost immediately and determined to figure it out.

We had a "honeymoon" period of about 6 months and then everything came crashing down. He made the call to the crisis line and we we're at the hospital the next day. So I've been involved (on some level) since the beginning of his treatment. I went to his first appointment with him.

If you and your bf are exclusive? I think you should have a conversation about your symptoms and how they effect your relationships. And what you need if abc or xyz happens.

Another conversation to have is about boundaries. Yours and his. Once I learned about those our relationship changed for the better. I never knew what to do when J was in a bad place. I took too much verbal b.s. and I would have been long gone if I didn't enforce my own boundaries too.

You do not have to talk about your trauma!! Only symptoms and boundaries. If having your T with you while having these conversations is what you need go for it.

Just be sure he's "worth it". Not everyone is deserving. Trust your instincts.

Good luck!

 

[Ronin]

We regularly talk about their sessions and what went how.

Makes me feel like I can do something emotional productive for them, at least, given I been at various things therapy far longer than they have and asked for input, have something concrete to draw from.

My schtuff, we talk when I feel like botching it or its so heavy session the only thing I feel like is getting drunk & taking the nearest plane somewhere very far off. Darling is a great reality check on my escapism.

I think if nothing else, its a good communication & trust exercise. If it can last, good, if not, at least you tried.

 

[somerandomguy]

My wife came to a therapy session with me after a very scary depersonalization incident, which she says helped her. But I never considered bringing her to a session before that because I'm fairly open about what I'm working on with her, and she never asked or showed any interest in it before that event.

 

[bellbird]

@bellbird, J is my high school sweetheart and we reconnected 27 years later. Through all of those years we always loved each other. I thought of him all the time. He was supposed to only be in the service 4 years and get out. That's not what happened. He made it a career.

So when we reconnected I knew he had a hard life and probably had some pretty big "issues". He told me right away he had alot of "problems" and I should think about getting involved. Too late. I have loved him since I was 14 years old. We we're committed almost immediately and determined to figure it out.

We had a "honeymoon" period of about 6 months and then everything came crashing down. He made the call to the crisis line and we we're at the hospital the next day. So I've been involved (on some level) since the beginning of his treatment. I went to his first appointment with him.

Ah, bless. That's wonderful, @LuckiLee .

If you and your bf are exclusive? I think you should have a conversation about your symptoms and how they effect your relationships. And what you need if abc or xyz happens.

Yeah we are exclusive :)

We have had some conversations about my symptoms.

Isolation definitely. We haven't weathered any of my isolation yet, but I have told him about what happens, and that it will come out of nowhere most likely and that I'm worried about the impact it will have on him/our relationship, especially the closer we get.
He said that he would just try to be there for me, and to not worry about that right now as it would just add extra stress.

Seizures (psychogenic). I've told him how he can help if I have one, and that they're likely to cluster around times of high stress such as anniversaries.

Also speaking of anniversaries, he knows my symptoms will flare up about a week before and peak on the anniversary. And we have plans that he'll be with me on the next two (the last two (I think) for the year) to help me distract.

Dissociation/flashbacks. He knows that I need to ground, and helps me where he can if I do when we're together.

And then if I have a teary meltdown, he just holds me and tells me that I'm ok and that I'm safe.

I think those are the main symptoms I need to tell him about.
He's also offered on a few occasions now, where we haven't been together, but I've been having a rough time, that he come over. Which is really nice. And I accepted the offer on one of the occasions. The others I decided it was best to be alone and he understood.

Another conversation to have is about boundaries. Yours and his.

Yes.

So far we've made a clear boundary that cheating is like a no second chances type of thing, and what is defined as cheating.

Also, he has said that the only things he would be mad about would be if I was to disrespect or invalidate his feelings, and if I crossed a boundary that we had talked about (essentially just cheating, at this stage).

But there hasn't been a intentional sit down where we've laid out boundaries; more just bits of different conversations.
Is there a best way to have conversations about boundaries?

Trust your instincts.

Really appreciate your advice/thoughts, and everyone else's who has posted on this thread -- thank you!