Sufferer How do people cope? PTSD sufferer struggling with motivation and depression

[Lifeaintamovie]

Hi all. I am new to the forum. I have a diagnosis of PTSD and I'm in trauma therapy. I'm also on prozac and beta blockers. I suffer with bad night terrors, sweats, jolts. Some days I can sleep all day and others be awake for over 40 hours.

My biggest bug bare is motivation, dissociation and not wanting to leave the house. I can be house ridden for days and only like leaving at night.

I've also found I feel detached and as such risky behaviours don't seem risky anymore. I find it difficult to concentrate, have memory loss during conversations and can't focus on a task even watching TV.

I had a 5 week period off work then tried to go back again after a few good days. I massively relapsed and now I am off work again. I loved my career, I'm a single mother and I'm about to go on half pay and worry I will lose my job altogether. I'm desperate to find a way out but I find just getting a shower some days too much effort. Does anyone have any advice for help with some of the things I mention?

Many thanks in advance

 

[Phoenix(not)]

Hello. I sincerely hope that being a member of this site meets with all your hopes and expectations. I am sorry you have to experience this injury. What you describe is what we have likely all experienced to varying degrees. Finding the right medication is almost a journey of "try this", "now try this" until one actually works for you. We are all different and a med that works great for one person may not be as helpful to another. I tried _many_ until I was prescribed one that was so different that it actually helped and I noticed almost immediately (and am still on it).

The most profound thing for self-help I experienced was Mindfulness Meditation. It may have been mentioned to you and if so, it may have been introduced as another "try this". If you do choose to learn this technique, I would urge you to believe in it and practice it until it becomes almost second nature as a mastered technique. Once mastered, it can be tool to snap into whenever you feel anxious, uncomfortable or racing / pernicious thoughts. Alas, short term memory and the exaggerated startle response are two classic symptoms I fear will never return to "normal" for me.

We are all different but I have encouraged about 9 peers in my local area to try and embrace this and they have without exception come back to acknowledge it helped them.

I hope the above is of some help to you in this confusing time. I wish you well.

 

[Sideways]

Welcome to the forum:)

Are you currently seeing a therapist? Do you have any kind of support looking after the kids?

A very basic, 30 minute intervals, daily routine helps me a lot with those black holes of loss of function that I fall into with the depressive symptoms of my ptsd. And going out (for whatever reason) each day is one of my essentials for managing anxiety about leaving the house. Constant manageable exposure to keep the anxiety taking hold.

Is your job one where you could do a staged return to work? Like just a couple of days to begin with? Sometimes a therapist can help negotiate with an employer...?

 

[Lifeaintamovie]

Hello. I sincerely hope that being a member of this site meets with all your hopes and expectations. I am sorry you have to experience this injury. What you describe is what we have likely all experienced to varying degrees. Finding the right medication is almost a journey of "try this", "now try this" until one actually works for you. We are all different and a med that works great for one person may not be as helpful to another. I tried _many_ until I was prescribed one that was so different that it actually helped and I noticed almost immediately (and am still on it).

The most profound thing for self-help I experienced was Mindfulness Meditation. It may have been mentioned to you and if so, it may have been introduced as another "try this". If you do choose to learn this technique, I would urge you to believe in it and practice it until it becomes almost second nature as a mastered technique. Once mastered, it can be tool to snap into whenever you feel anxious, uncomfortable or racing / pernicious thoughts. Alas, short term memory and the exaggerated startle response are two classic symptoms I fear will never return to "normal" for me.

We are all different but I have encouraged about 9 peers in my local area to try and embrace this and they have without exception come back to acknowledge it helped them.

I hope the above is of some help to you in this confusing time. I wish you well.

Thank you so much for replying, much appreciated. I will give mindfulness a try. May I ask what medication you found helpful? Thanks again

 

[Lifeaintamovie]

Welcome to the forum:)

Are you currently seeing a therapist? Do you have any kind of support looking after the kids?

A very basic, 30 minute intervals, daily routine helps me a lot with those black holes of loss of function that I fall into with the depressive symptoms of my ptsd. And going out (for whatever reason) each day is one of my essentials for managing anxiety about leaving the house. Constant manageable exposure to keep the anxiety taking hold.

Is your job one where you could do a staged return to work? Like just a couple of days to begin with? Sometimes a therapist can help negotiate with an employer...?

Thank you for your reply. Much appreciated. Yes I am seeing a therapist for REWIND therapy and talking therapy. My children are all teenagers which comes with it's own challenges! I don't have family around me but lots of good friends and the teenagers do help when I'm down. I more worry that I can't financially support them in the future and the impact my health has on their emotional wellbeing as they get upset I'm not the person I once was. Yes I could negotiate a phased return. It's difficult to do in my job and unfortunately I work in crisis work which means phased returns cannot always be stuck to. I find it difficult helping others at the moment and maintaining concentration when I can't help myself! I really like the 30 min intervals. Please could you give me an example of one? Thanks again

 

[Sideways]

Please could you give me an example of one?

No problem - so for me, when I get up in the morning (keep in mind my most functional time is first thing in the morning:
5.30: walk dog
6am: coffee and news
6.30: wash the dishes
7am: shower
7.30: breakfast & meds
8am: grocery shop

Etc. When my brain and motivation are failing me, I work through the list, one step at a time. Every time I tick something off, there's a success/win that I can physically see, and when I get to midday, regardless of the hopelessness I'm feeling, I can see that I have actually achieved a lot of things already for the day.

There's variations on that which your T could help you with, because establishing healthy routines is core work for a variety of mental health issues (ptsd, depression and anxiety all included!).

 

[Lifeaintamovie]

No problem - so for me, when I get up in the morning (keep in mind my most functional time is first thing in the morning:
5.30: walk dog
6am: coffee and news
6.30: wash the dishes
7am: shower
7.30: breakfast & meds
8am: grocery shop

Etc. When my brain and motivation are failing me, I work through the list, one step at a time. Every time I tick something off, there's a success/win that I can physically see, and when I get to midday, regardless of the hopelessness I'm feeling, I can see that I have actually achieved a lot of things already for the day.

There's variations on that which your T could help you with, because establishing healthy routines is core work for a variety of mental health issues (ptsd, depression and anxiety all included!).

Thank you so much. I will give it a go.

 

[Mee]

Thank you so much for replying, much appreciated. I will give mindfulness a try. May I ask what medication you found helpful? Thanks again

Welcome.

Something you will find is that though many of us experience similar/ same symptoms- solutions aren’t so easy/ typical huh?

For example, mindfulness is unhelpful to me, as is meditation. I used to do both before but my ‘pist trauma brain’ just finds these opportunities for problematic symptoms. I Don’t say this to discourage you from trying because it may be a helpful tool for you!! I just want to say if it isn’t it’s NOT your fault, you aren’t more damaged or anything else ?.

Welcome

 

[Lifeaintamovie]

Welcome.

Something you will find is that though many of us experience similar/ same symptoms- solutions aren’t so easy/ typical huh?

For example, mindfulness is unhelpful to me, as is meditation. I used to do both before but my ‘pist trauma brain’ just finds these opportunities for problematic symptoms. I Don’t say this to discourage you from trying because it may be a helpful tool for you!! I just want to say if it isn’t it’s NOT your fault, you aren’t more damaged or anything else ?.

Welcome

Thank you Mee. Think I am just desperate to find anything to feel normal again! What works for you?

 

[Mee]

Thank you Mee. Think I am just desperate to find anything to feel normal again! What works for you?

Um.

Time I guess? Talking therapy? Acceptance?

I am afraid I am not the best example ?. I consider myself pretty non functional. I am three years in and I am making progress but it’s slow. Were it an option for me I would have liked to try EDMR alongside talking therapy. It seems really effective for so many people.

Things I wish I did - had better routine like sideways - And forced myself to keep up a weekly, social outlet / hobby. Edit- also, I am still in a not great situation with maintaining contact with negligent parents Which was ok pre development of PTSD but is problematic nor and probably impairing recovery.

Radical self honesty is helpful but it also can be - difficult . It would be easy to skip over last element for example but with all the treatment in the world contact with my parents will always be triggering . So might cutting it at this stage! Knowing that there might not be a right answer is a really difficult part of this.

 

[Lifeaintamovie]

Um.

Time I guess? Talking therapy? Acceptance?

I am afraid I am not the best example ?. I consider myself pretty non functional. I am three years in and I am making progress but it’s slow. Were it an option for me I would have liked to try EDMR alongside talking therapy. It seems really effective for so many people.

Things I wish I did - had better routine like sideways - And forced myself to keep up a weekly, social outlet / hobby. Edit- also, I am still in a not great situation with maintaining contact with negligent parents Which was ok pre development of PTSD but is problematic nor and probably impairing recovery.

Radical self honesty is helpful but it also can be - difficult . It would be easy to skip over last element for example but with all the treatment in the world contact with my parents will always be triggering . So might cutting it at this stage! Knowing that there might not be a right answer is a really difficult part of this.

Thanks Mee for sharing. Acceptance and knowing there may not be a right answer is incredibly tough and hard. But in solidarity we aren't alone and one day I hope things will change for others.

 

[Phoenix(not)]

Thank you so much for replying, much appreciated. I will give mindfulness a try. May I ask what medication you found helpful? Thanks again

For me, it was Mirtazapine 45mg that was distinctly different to all the other "try this" and works very well for me. But I stress we are all slightly different physiology hence what works for me may not work the same for everyone.
Please do consider the mindfulness but only if you believe it may help because it needs investing belief. For me it has been my life-saver, literally; but it seems others have tried it without the same positive effect. So I guess maybe it is like meds - what works for one does not necessarily work for all. I can only say that with real-world one to one contact with other PTSD-ers they have all embraced it and stated this helps them too. I hope your symptoms become more settled.