somerandomguy
Sponsor
This is going to be ... disjointed. I don't know how to write this and make any sense, but I'll try anyway.
My wife and I are currently seeing a couples therapist and our last session I expressed a lot of fear that I had and said that I just didn't feel safe in our marriage and couldn't really be vulnerable with my wife. I mentioned that I was seeing my own therapist twice a week and doing a lot of EMDR lately. My wife feels the EMDR isn't good for me as it emotionally destabilizes me. I agree that the EMDR dysregulates me, but I disagree that it's not good for me - in fact, between the dysregulation it's been really, really helpful.
The couples therapist thinks my therapy time compared to time with my wife is excessive, and that I need to stop being my trauma and start being myself. I guess that struck a nerve. I do think every day about my trauma. I come here more than any other place on the internet. I'm heavily involved in trauma and treatment groups and I start grad school in a couple of weeks to hopefully become a licensed counselor. So is that who I am?
I know I should be trying harder with my wife, who has stuck by me even as I've been pretty mean to her while dysregulated. To be perfectly honest, I'm scared of enmeshment, like I had with my abusive ex-wife, so I'm probably holding back a lot. Isn't there a middle ground between enmeshment and being my trauma? How do I find out where that is, and how do I found out who I am as a person trauma happened to without becoming my trauma?
My wife and I are currently seeing a couples therapist and our last session I expressed a lot of fear that I had and said that I just didn't feel safe in our marriage and couldn't really be vulnerable with my wife. I mentioned that I was seeing my own therapist twice a week and doing a lot of EMDR lately. My wife feels the EMDR isn't good for me as it emotionally destabilizes me. I agree that the EMDR dysregulates me, but I disagree that it's not good for me - in fact, between the dysregulation it's been really, really helpful.
The couples therapist thinks my therapy time compared to time with my wife is excessive, and that I need to stop being my trauma and start being myself. I guess that struck a nerve. I do think every day about my trauma. I come here more than any other place on the internet. I'm heavily involved in trauma and treatment groups and I start grad school in a couple of weeks to hopefully become a licensed counselor. So is that who I am?
I know I should be trying harder with my wife, who has stuck by me even as I've been pretty mean to her while dysregulated. To be perfectly honest, I'm scared of enmeshment, like I had with my abusive ex-wife, so I'm probably holding back a lot. Isn't there a middle ground between enmeshment and being my trauma? How do I find out where that is, and how do I found out who I am as a person trauma happened to without becoming my trauma?