Repressed Memories

[anthony]

Authored by member: Becvan

This is a very tricky subject. Are repressed memories real? Yes and no. There has been a lot of controversy over therapy-induced repressed memories. Many claim they are all falsely induced and never happened, many claim that of course they have to be real - they remembered it, right? So what is the truth of the matter? Here are some agreed on points by both sides:

1. Injustice happens. Innocent people do get accused and convicted. Guilty parties do go free by casting doubt on the accusations.

2. Incest happens. It happens more than originally thought. There are NO characteristic signs or symptoms of incest.

3. Forgetting happens. Forgetting past events, both negative and positive, is part of ordinary life.

4. Recovered memories are commonplace. Our memories can be and are cued by remarks, experiences etc. Everyone experiences this everyday. It is how our memory works.

5. Memories "recovered" under hypnosis or influence of drugs are highly unreliable. Caution needs to be used here. Any memory that is found under any type of therapy-induced methods needs to be verified. (More on how to do this further in this post.)

6. Any memory of something from the age of 3 and before is unreliable. There is something called "infantile amnesia." This is caused because we can not recall any memory in the same capacity (we use a different method after the age of 3) as an adult. There is NO method to recall events before this age that is reliable. Period.

7. Memories, real or false, can be emotionally upsetting. No matter what type of memory, verified or not, they have emotions attached to them. These emotions need to be dealt with and validated.


Now, some of you may want to argue these points. I do not want to get into how our memory works, why it works that way and everything to back it up. In fact, I'm not going to.

Okay, so what is my point here? My point is that many doctors and therapists are completely irresponsible in giving this information to us. They never explain this. They can just jump the gun or ignore it completely. We need to be armed with knowledge when it comes to our memories. I have dealt with amnesia, repressed memories and memory recall for over 18 years, in my personal life. It's a hard road. Many, if not all of us, will have to deal with this at some point. So, how do we tell if our memories are real or not?

1. When did the memory surface? If your memory was recovered in therapy (not after but during), through any therapy methods or drug use, do not believe that it is real until you follow through with OUTSIDE verification that it really happened.

2. Verify all memories recovered. Verify this by outside sources. Family members, friends, newspaper clippings, pictures, police reports, CAS reports, etc.

Sounds pretty simple, eh? It can be a very trying process. What if you have family members trying to protect themselves or others? What if they are unreliable themselves and prone to lying? What if they refuse to tell you anything or you cannot bring it up? You may have to get creative. I've had this problem myself. It could be a little clue. You remember witnessing something. Your family says it never happened. Perhaps you have previously heard them talk about being on a boat and your memory was on this boat. Well, you knew you were on the boat. First indication there is something to it, right? Secondly, what is the intent of the person asked to verify or not, of the memory? Are they angry, are they guilty, protecting someone or themselves, etc.? Also (thanks to Nam for pointing this out), memories can be verified by the details they contain. Are they consistent with your age at the time, height, placement, smells, location, etc.?

Remember, this is a PROCESS. It can be a long one. Whether you can verify your memories or not, what ever you are FEELING is real. You need to acknowledge, accept and work through your feelings.

As for a nightmare recovering a memory, this is very unreliable. Our dreams are a process to working through our memories, experiences, thoughts, feelings, etc. This is not a cut and dried process. Our dreams could be triggered by anything from anywhere. The smallest thing can make us dream bizarre and scary events. Do not trust a dream or nightmare as a reliable memory. Use the verification process to determine if it is real if you feel this may be an actual event.

I wish you all luck with this!

Bec

 

[Lauren]

Thank you for the information Anthony. May I ask...what about fragmented memorie? Such as......remembering the beginning of something that happened but only up to a certain point? It really bothers me that I can't remember the end of several events and I am quite sure they weren't dreams.

Also, what about when other family members tell you something that happened but you can't remember it having occurred. For me it's like what they describe rings a bell and I can almost touch it, but not quite. And if I don't remember a violent situation, does it really matter? Why would it be important to remember? My therapist tells me that the emotions attached to the memories haven't been acknowledged and properly processed. I trust him so am willing to discuss any memories that come up. He doesn't suggest that I try to force remembering, that I will remember as my mind can handle it.

I've been in therapy for 9 mopnths now and am just now starting to have memories that happen only momentarily, very fast and very unexpected. They are almost like whatever it is, is happening right now, but fast not long lasting at all. And mostly it's intense feelings and maybe words that I had spoken....not that had been spoken to me. So I don't even know who was there, let alone exactly what was happening. What am I supposed to do with those?

I'm sorry. I'm not sure how to be clear in what I am asking. The old memories of things that I hadn't suppressed push me around I am sure, but they aren't near as disturbing to me as the unknown that seems to be popping up now. I['d rather not remember. Does this make any sense?

 

[Jade-]

I understand what you're saying Lauren. I have been going through the exact same thing. One thing i've found is the puzzle pieces will eventually fit together.

 

[Lauren]

Thanks Jadebear. Unfortunately it's a puzzle none of us likes having to put together. Ugggh! Oh well, it is what it is. The main thing for me is that I want to be able to function while going thru this. There are times that I just can't and have to withdraw from everyone. It ticks me off at myself for reacting that way. Especially when I know what a good life I have. The past shouldn't be robbing us of our present!

 

[anthony]

Fragmented memories are certainly a reality. A clinician could not ascertain whether a memory is real or not, only each individual can do that. Yes, listening to others that know the facts can assist, however; you need to ensure its not just one person, but multiple and you take the similar aspects. If you can remember or not is here nor there really, it all comes down to the emotional stigma that is attached, if any, and whether it affects your or not. Your therapist is spot on the money though, in that its not good to force the memories, and they will come to you when your brain is at a place to accept them.

Deal with what you know first and foremost, then your brain has more capacity to deal with anything that many be repressed, thus it will then come out because you don't have an already full cup, so to speak. The brain will only give you as much as you can handle... think of it like a built in safety mechanism. If you attempted to retrieve memories without dealing with what you do know first and removing that emotional stigma, you can cause brain damage, ie. the repercussions of EMDR if performed incorrectly and other techniques. The brain won't just allow itself to damage itself, hence a built-in safety mechanism to only give you what you can deal with. Empty your current cup, then your brain will release things as it feels if emotional stigma is attached. If not... then its also not causing harm if its not harming you daily.

 

[Jade-]

I'm really confused. I don't understand where the traumatic memories are stored. I don't understand how I can all of a sudden remember an entire event out of the blue, especially something I have never even thought about before. It feels like I'm making the stuff up when I write or talk about them. But then I talk to family members and find out what I say/write did happen or is true. Where the hell do the memories come from? Once I do remember, It feels like I've always known and remembered, yet alot of it is new to me.

I also don't understand how I can have some of the same thoughts and images in my head for so many years that meant nothing and then all of a sudden realize what they are or what they mean.

 

[ClairBear226]

Empty your current cup, then your brain will release things as it feels if emotional stigma is attached. If not... then its also not causing harm if its not harming you daily.

Hi Anthony. I know this is a really old thread, and I'm bumping it back up. Hope you don't mind. How do you do that, exactly? "empty the cup"? I don't want to remember this stuff, but it seems to just keep coming, whether I like it or not. Like a flood, and all I want to do is put down sandbags.

 

[LeoTheLion]

I just want to make sure so PTSD can have repressed memory? Because I have see around on website have not see any stated that PTSD do have repressed memory most talk about the first category of PTSD which is called "Reliving" category it is hard to meet any criteria in that category if have repressed memories.

 

[Notsowild]

"The brain won't just allow itself to damage itself, hence a built-in safety mechanism to only give you what you can deal with. Empty your current cup, then your brain will release things as it feels if emotional stigma is attached. If not... then its also not causing harm if its not harming you daily".

I was goggling repressed memories and this thread came up. Very interesting @anthony

 

[DromedaryLights]

J.B., what you are saying sounds a lot like my experience! I had some memories that I sort of always new about, but then one day it very suddenly hit me like, "Oh, that was abuse!" Anyway, I will never know for sure, unless I confront the alleged abuser.

 

[rachelrucca]

I have never posted in a forum before, but I'm not sure where else to go for answers. I'm estranged from almost all of my family because of unhealthy and abusive relationships. Ive been in and out of therapy since I was a kid, on any medication you can name. Im 24 now, I was officially diagnosed with PTSD about 3 years ago. Now that I understand it, I recognize that ive had it since I was pretty young.
Anyway, I just recently for the first time in my life was taken out of harms was. No toxic environment, no abuse, minimal triggars, and the first support system I've ever had. Subsequently, trauma begun pouring out that I had no idea still needed confronting. Just when i looked that pain in the face and wasn't afrair of it anymore, this. Ive been having daily splitting migraines for over a year. My PTSD has gotten so bad I'm not functional at work, not only from chronic migraines, but I cant handle the common passive agressive/agressive coworker or customer without having a panic attack of freezing up. I've been off of work since October.
Ive been having these dreams for about 3 years. I wake up crying, screaming, squirming to get away. I wake up with pounding migraines, my jaw aches from my teeth that I grind so loud my husband says it doesn't sound human. My doctor thinks the migraines are cause by my PTSD, and I'm beginning to think he is right. When I was working, the migraines maintained intensity 27/7 and I had to take dangerous levels of Tramadol just to remain functional. Now that I'm not, I wake up with one, but it disapates unless I am triggered.
My concern is that I need to somehow retrieve the memories within my dreams and confront them, or this will never get better. Ive always known I've had surpressed memories, but I recently discovered that everyone I know has memories of being younger then 6, and my memmory is spotty younger then 8, 1 tramatic memorey before 6 and that's about it. I've intentionally let those memories sit undiscovered. I'm scared and unsure of what to do, and my husband has no idea what to say about any of this. Advice? Sorry, that was a lot...