Hi,
I'm a male in my late 20's, living in Scandinavia. I had heard about PTSD before, but it wasn't until I started reading The Body Keeps the Score that I learned about C-PTSD. It is not a common diagnosis where I live, as far as I know, and I have not been diagnosed with it. However, I recognize many of the symptoms and thus turn to resources about C-PTSD to better understand the issues I am struggling with.
My parents separated at an early age and I lived with them alternately. My father could get angry for the slightest mistake I made as a child. As there was just the two of us and I was just a small kid, it put me in a frightening and vulnerable position.
When I was in contact with him the last time, some years ago, I wrote to him about how I had felt as a child and how I thought it still affected me. I was furious and I felt alive.
During the years that followed, I struggled with loneliness and frustration. I failed at my university studies and started working at places that I disliked, imagining it would only be temporary. I lived an isolated life.
Things have gotten better in the last year or two. I am less isolated. I take better care of my physical health. I know what I really want in life: my own family and a more qualified and rewarding job. I want to be a loving father and husband. I want to strong bonds with my friends.
Yet I struggle. My self-confidence is generally low. I have lots of anger in me that I have yet to process. I have other emotions that I do not fully understand or know how to handle. Taking care of myself mentally is hard. I'm hard on myself. When I try to write about my thoughts and feelings, I feel the urge to something else, anything but dealing with my past.
I joined this forum to overcome that hurdle by reading and participating in discussions about these matters. I hope that I can also be of help to this community.
I'm a male in my late 20's, living in Scandinavia. I had heard about PTSD before, but it wasn't until I started reading The Body Keeps the Score that I learned about C-PTSD. It is not a common diagnosis where I live, as far as I know, and I have not been diagnosed with it. However, I recognize many of the symptoms and thus turn to resources about C-PTSD to better understand the issues I am struggling with.
My parents separated at an early age and I lived with them alternately. My father could get angry for the slightest mistake I made as a child. As there was just the two of us and I was just a small kid, it put me in a frightening and vulnerable position.
When I was in contact with him the last time, some years ago, I wrote to him about how I had felt as a child and how I thought it still affected me. I was furious and I felt alive.
During the years that followed, I struggled with loneliness and frustration. I failed at my university studies and started working at places that I disliked, imagining it would only be temporary. I lived an isolated life.
Things have gotten better in the last year or two. I am less isolated. I take better care of my physical health. I know what I really want in life: my own family and a more qualified and rewarding job. I want to be a loving father and husband. I want to strong bonds with my friends.
Yet I struggle. My self-confidence is generally low. I have lots of anger in me that I have yet to process. I have other emotions that I do not fully understand or know how to handle. Taking care of myself mentally is hard. I'm hard on myself. When I try to write about my thoughts and feelings, I feel the urge to something else, anything but dealing with my past.
I joined this forum to overcome that hurdle by reading and participating in discussions about these matters. I hope that I can also be of help to this community.
