suffering

[LJ27]

I dont know how to cope with my pain. I feel so sad all the time, my eating disorder helps as a distraction but it just stops me from killing myself.
I have nobody, I cant trust anyone everyone in my life has hurt me. I have no idea what the point of life is, it just seems to be endless suffering and pain that never ends.
I am so tired of being angry and sad all the time.

 

[Friday]

I have nobody, I cant trust anyone everyone in my life has hurt me. I have no idea what the point of life is, it just seems to be endless suffering and pain that never ends.
I am so tired of being angry and sad all the time.

I often use my “I’m TIRED” lists -flipped around- as GOALS lists.

- Have people
- Trusting those people
- Passion & Purpose
- Pain management
- Joy (my opposite of pain, yours may well be different)
- A wealth of emotions tailored/appropriate to to situation & cause

 

[LJ27]

Thanks, I have people who want to be my friend but im having a hard time trusting them and trusting myself to choose good people to be around.
I also put up a wall around people to protect myself

 

[DharmaGirl]

It's good to remember to do things in baby steps. Maybe slowly allow a person into your life, like once a week or so. It's important to go only as fast as you are comfortable with. I used to ignore big red flags when it came to friends and would find that I was involved with bad (to me) people. I pay attention now!

What helped me was making a list of things I liked. Not what others told me I liked or what I thought I should like, but what I liked. Maybe it was only 1 thing a day or even nothing but I kept the list out. Eventually, over time, I did the things I liked, and found a new way of defining who I was. Maybe this might be something that could be helpful.

Welcome to the site!

 

[LJ27]

It's good to remember to do things in baby steps. Maybe slowly allow a person into your life, like once a week or so. It's important to go only as fast as you are comfortable with. I used to ignore big red flags when it came to friends and would find that I was involved with bad (to me) people. I pay attention now!

What helped me was making a list of things I liked. Not what others told me I liked or what I thought I should like, but what I liked. Maybe it was only 1 thing a day or even nothing but I kept the list out. Eventually, over time, I did the things I liked, and found a new way of defining who I was. Maybe this might be something that could be helpful.

Welcome to the site!

Thanks, I think when I feel someone is a good person I still struggle to let my guard down because I cant trust that my judgement is correct
im worried about being abused again

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

When I meet someone new, I definitely start with small steps to see if this is someone that I can see a relationship developing with. I like the advice I was once given- I don't have to trust the person when I first meet them. Trust is something to work up to.

I might go for a walk with someone in a public place or out to eat. I might message with them a little about the general things like favorites (places, color, books, etc). Then, I can decide after each encounter if I want to meet with or chat with them again. I can keep reminding myself that I am an adult now and have ways of protecting myself if I sense anything that triggers me with this current relationship. That helps.

Also, I like to be aware of when I say things in absolute like always, never, nobody, everyone, etc. Because chances are this is a cognitive distortion. And I can challenge it.
"I have nobody" might turn into- "I have my therapist." "I have my pets." "I have my best friend." "I have this online friend." or "If I am cautious, it is possible that I could have at least one person in my life."
"I can't trust anyone." might be challenged with "I don't have to trust everyone with everything. I can take it in small steps to see if they earn my trust." or "I may not trust people fully, but I mostly trust (insert name)."
"Everyone in my life has hurt me." might be challenged with "I know that hurt is a part of life, but when I reflect there are people who have not hurt me in a major way." or "My sister never hurt me."

When I come up with at least one challenge to these statements, it helps me remember that I amy feel like it is always, never, everyone, but maybe it isn't or maybe there is a way I can see it changing.

 

[LJ27]

When I meet someone new, I definitely start with small steps to see if this is someone that I can see a relationship developing with. I like the advice I was once given- I don't have to trust the person when I first meet them. Trust is something to work up to.

I might go for a walk with someone in a public place or out to eat. I might message with them a little about the general things like favorites (places, color, books, etc). Then, I can decide after each encounter if I want to meet with or chat with them again. I can keep reminding myself that I am an adult now and have ways of protecting myself if I sense anything that triggers me with this current relationship. That helps.

Also, I like to be aware of when I say things in absolute like always, never, nobody, everyone, etc. Because chances are this is a cognitive distortion. And I can challenge it.
"I have nobody" might turn into- "I have my therapist." "I have my pets." "I have my best friend." "I have this online friend." or "If I am cautious, it is possible that I could have at least one person in my life."
"I can't trust anyone." might be challenged with "I don't have to trust everyone with everything. I can take it in small steps to see if they earn my trust." or "I may not trust people fully, but I mostly trust (insert name)."
"Everyone in my life has hurt me." might be challenged with "I know that hurt is a part of life, but when I reflect there are people who have not hurt me in a major way." or "My sister never hurt me."

When I come up with at least one challenge to these statements, it helps me remember that I amy feel like it is always, never, everyone, but maybe it isn't or maybe there is a way I can see it changing.

Thanks. When someone is being nice and respectful. I feel like its a trap. But I guess trusting someone is always a risk so I just have to risk it.

 

[DharmaGirl]

When someone is being nice and respectful. I feel like its a trap.

This is where the baby steps come in. Have the thought that they aren't trustworthy, decide to wait and see. That's one small step you can congratulate yourself on, which you should! Every step forward is a cause for feeling good about yourself to the extent you can.

 

[LJ27]

This is where the baby steps come in. Have the thought that they aren't trustworthy, decide to wait and see. That's one small step you can congratulate yourself on, which you should! Every step forward is a cause for feeling good about yourself to the extent you can.

yeah this is a good idea. At least im putting myself out there. Also Ive noticed even though im scared to get close to people. I feel like I get attached too quickly
Like I am avoidant with friends but anxious when dating (so weird!)
Im trying to remind myself that if someone is abusive I can walk away

 

[Blue-Diamond]

I dont know how to cope with my pain. I feel so sad all the time, my eating disorder helps as a distraction but it just stops me from killing myself.
I have nobody, I cant trust anyone everyone in my life has hurt me. I have no idea what the point of life is, it just seems to be endless suffering and pain that never ends.
I am so tired of being angry and sad all the time.

So sorry you are feeling this way. However, life can be very beautiful for you. You must believe you are worthy of it. People tend to do to any of us what we allow them to do; You will be surprise once you accept the fact that you are a valuable human being and set boundaries - trusting people will not be such a big chore. What would happen is you will find that trusting people and trying be get validation through them no longer matter. Start accepting people on your terms. Start listening to some of the gurus on youtube that place emphasis on toughening up your mental strength. You will not take things so personal. All of this will take time; but you need to begin by knowing you have to find value in yourself; if not not one else will - and they will treat you however they want because you will tolerate it. Reality about life can be either a hard pill to swallow or just one we take as the process. Stay Strong Mentally. I hope this help.....You have the great day you deserve.

 

[LJ27]

So sorry you are feeling this way. However, life can be very beautiful for you. You must believe you are worthy of it. People tend to do to any of us what we allow them to do; You will be surprise once you accept the fact that you are a valuable human being and set boundaries - trusting people will not be such a big chore. What would happen is you will find that trusting people and trying be get validation through them no longer matter. Start accepting people on your terms. Start listening to some of the gurus on youtube that place emphasis on toughening up your mental strength. You will not take things so personal. All of this will take time; but you need to begin by knowing you have to find value in yourself; if not not one else will - and they will treat you however they want because you will tolerate it. Reality about life can be either a hard pill to swallow or just one we take as the process. Stay Strong Mentally. I hope this help.....You have the great day you deserve.

so basically I have been alone for years after being abused. I have not trusted anyone I have isolated myself completely
After my therapist told me pretty much what you just said I became super aggressive rather than passive to avoid being hurt again
I feel I am too tough but worried about being vulnerable again

 

[Blue-Diamond]

so basically I have been alone for years after being abused. I have not trusted anyone I have isolated myself completely
After my therapist told me pretty much what you just said I became super aggressive rather than passive to avoid being hurt again
I feel I am too tough but worried about being vulnerable again

I do understand --- once hurt - one tend to go to the opposite extreme. You have to find the balance. Tap into your spirit of discernment and you would be able to determine what move is best for you. Again, this will come with time. Oh, you do not have to become super aggressive because that to can cause you problem. Just know you have a choice and it may mean being alone for a while. Listen to videos that explain how to have that balance. Just move with intention; everyone is not bad but you do need to know how to "read" people what they say and what they do not say. Pay attention to their verbal and non-verbal communication. When listening - truly listening; you will pick up their character. Oh, and understand this -- no one is going to rescue you - you are going to have to rescue you. Good day!!