General Dealing With Suicide Talk

[hopelives]

Well my husband has gone on a downer and he told me last night that he jsut wanted to commit suicide but couldn't because of the kids. Now although that slightly reassured me it didn't. He sleeps in a room under our house and seriously he has plenty of time that he could do such a thing and it has made me feel nervous. Now he doesn't say it to be manipulative I know that he only tells me he has those thoughts when he is serious.

I think I might contact his therapist and ask what I should do. It is really concerning me how down he gets at all special dates. It is like he can't breathe on any birthday. And school holidays are like he has black tar on his lungs.

What do you do when they talk like that? I know it is the wrong thing to do but I said Please dont talk like that you are scaring me. I seriously didn't want to leave him last night but had to. AHHH I wish there was a universal answer.

 

[lovinbiker]

What do you do when they talk like that? I know it is the wrong thing to do but I said Please dont talk like that you are scaring me. I seriously didn't want to leave him last night but had to. AHHH I wish there was a universal answer.

Sickofit I am no means any kind of expert but I would say in my opinion allowing him to talk about suicide will help him. It ius surely better you know when hes feeling like doing something like this than for him to bottle it. You should try and talk to him and allow him to express his thoughts about it, But then point out the good things. Also I would suggest you make him promise that he will talk to you before doing any such thing. You will have to read more on how to deal with talk of such nature. This is just my initial thoughts that basically taking away some of the stigma and allowing frank conversations about suicide can only help reduce the chances of him doing such a thing IMHO
Take care
LB

 

[hopelives]

Sickofit I am no means any kind of expert but I would say in my opinion allowing him to talk about suicide will help him. It ius surely better you know when hes feeling like doing something like this than for him to bottle it. You should try and talk to him and allow him to express his thoughts about it, But then point out the good things. Also I would suggest you make him promise that he will talk to you before doing any such thing. You will have to read more on how to deal with talk of such nature. This is just my initial thoughts that basically taking away some of the stigma and allowing frank conversations about suicide can only help reduce the chances of him doing such a thing IMHO
Take care
LB

we already do that. We are frank about everything. The thing is I don't know when to take it serious or not. A bit like he talks about it and than I ask are you serious about this will you actually do it and he says I can't because of the kids.

I think for me I ahve had to remove a rope from his hands before and I dont want to go there again. :(

 

[Learning123]

he says I can't because of the kids.

I would take this as a very positive thing Sickofit, but I am sorry you had to 'remove the rope' that must have been very hard for you and I understand why that must make you nervous. I think you are doing the best you can and I am sure that someone on this forum will offer some much more insightful advice soon, stay strong.

 

[hopelives]

It is weird because one one hand I know he wont but on the other I go WHAT IF. I love him so much I just can't imagine my life without him no matter how crazy he makes me at times.

 

[Learning123]

Of course and to be honest, if you didn't go 'what if' then you wouldn't be human. I am definitely not qualified when it comes to suicide so I am reluctant to offer any advice, but there are certainly two very big positives, 1. He talked to you about it, and 2. He said he couldn't because of the kids. I would suggest talking to a professional for some advice on this, I am sure they will tell you how to deal with it and how to be there for your husband. I can pray for you though :-)

 

[lovinbiker]

. The thing is I don't know when to take it serious or not.

Personally I would always treat it with a good deal of seriousness, as l123 says I would suggest some proffesional advise maybe beneficial.
LB

 

[BloomInWinter]

When this happens with a loved one, I've found a simple response delivered in a calm, compassionate way works best.

- A kiss on the head or cheek, a hand on the forearm, or a hand on their hand
- an assurance.. 'I care. I've heard you. You are not alone"
- putting a warm beverage in their hands

- Then calling the mental health crisis line or dialing their T., saying something like 'My name is ... and I'm here with ... and we're having a rough time. I'm putting him on now'

- ...and try to stay near but non-intrusive as the professional talks them through. Distract yourself with reading or other quiet activity, but stay near to offer a blanket, tissues, a refill, a snack...without judgement.

If all goes well, they'll hang up feeling better and perhaps the moment has passed. If not, then consider calling the number again.

If there is ever an active threat, you can always call 9-1-1 and ask for 'an assessment', thereby turning it over to the professionals again.

I.E., turn it over to the professionals. We're trained to deal with this.

 

[hopelives]

Well Bloom in Australia I haven't found that to be case. I talked to him today about it and although he just wants to be out of this torment of feeling this way I think him saying it is kind of to illustrate to me know much he is over it. I did ask him if I should call his therapist and talk to him but my husband said that he isn't in danger of doing it as it is not an option. I felt reassured by this comment. I told him to do you think about suicide and not tell me and he said he has never not told him. So that is a plus.

I want to help in so many ways but can't

 

[hopelives]

I once did ring the mental health hospital and they told me they were full and that my best bet was emergency and that was an 8 hour wait. Dont know about you but my husband does't deal well with germs so that wasn't going to happen.

 

[hopelives]

he is on the worst downer I have seen for a while. He is almost beside himself. Just wants time on his own. So I told him I understood and love him and Im here if he needs me.

 

[BloomInWinter]

I once did ring the mental health hospital and they told me they were full and that my best bet was emergency and that was an 8 hour wait. Dont know about you but my husband does't deal well with germs so that wasn't going to happen.

There's 5 crisis hotlines in my town, and I've referred many to them. Sorry to hear there aren't any in your area. That is awful.

If that were the case, I guess I'd sit and listen. But after dealing with so many attempts and successes in the E.R., I just never try to deal with it alone. I've learned the hard way I can't live with the result if it goes bad.

...as for the germs, well, you might be surprised. Some of us are quite good at helping suicidal patients want to stay and get help.

Hope there's some resource somewhere for you both.