How To Help Someone Get Help

[Foxtrot]

New to the Forum. Any tips on how to help your loved one talk to someone professional when it is scary and thoughts of revisiting past traumas are too much? I'm the only one that my GF has ever told any of her past to and I feel pretty all alone out here. I think she has PTSD, because she has all of the symptoms, but I'm sure as heck not a pro. What ultimately made you seek help if you have PTSD or if you are a care-giver, how did you help your PTSD sufferer seek the light?

 

[rtk]

Oh man....do I feel your pain!!! My husband has told me things that he's never told anyone....and to be honest, not even remembered until now. It's a very lonely feeling loving someone with PTSD or C-PTSD in our case. After one particularly "bad week", when he finally broke down and told me what had happened, my first though was "woah". This is way bigger than him, bigger than me, bigger than the both of us put together. I felt so out of my element, and didn't know what to do.

I ended up reassuring him that I loved him, and that I didn't know what was going to happen next, but I would be there with him. I also told him that for our relationship to survive, we needed outside help. At that point, and with his permission, I spoke to a psychological associate that I work with. He gave me a few pointers, and helped me put a label on it (C-PTSD) and when I told my husband (and he was able to google it in his own time, in his own comfort level) it was like a whole new world. Not always good, but for sure new. His comment was how uncomfortable it was to see himself in print on the internet. His symptoms, feelings, experiences....textbook. I think that gave him a little comfort, to know that he wasn't alone, and that there was help out there for him. It has taken from January until now (on the heels of another meltdown) to agree to go to his family physician for a referral to a psychiatrist/psychologist.

In my experience, it's slow, and scary and it's baby steps. Maybe plant the seed and let it grow? Give her some information, tell her you think this may be why she is suffering (cause we both know that she is) and that you want to help her, help herself. Maybe if she gets used to the idea (in print) it will be easier to make that next step.

 

[Froggie]

Wecome to the forum Foxtrot, you will find many members who can relate to what you are dealing with now. One of the first things they will say is ... don't forget to take care of yourself ... I'm a sufferer and PTSD can be pretty wild to deal with. For carers, you will find articles on this forum with great information. There is a section especially just for those who are in your situation. Best of luck

 

[Deleted member 6617]

Hi Foxtrot,

I don't have any words of wisdom other than to check out the carers section. Welcome to the forum. I sincerely hope you can find some answers to help you and your GF.

 

[angel2write]

Just listening and letting her know that no matter what she tells you, you still love her, will help a lot. Believe it or not, the major part of healing from PTSD is just having someone to listen and sympathize. So her healing is already beginning as she talks to you.

Hopefully, as she gets a little stronger and more confident, she'll feel able to reach out for more help. My best piece of advice would be to research PTSD as much as you can. The more you both understand about the disease, the easier it will be for her to see it as a treatable disease and not some evil craziness visited upon her especially! There are a lot of good articles on this website that would make a good starting place.

Welcome!

 

[Foxtrot]

The latest is she is pushing me away and telling me that our relationship is too hard. This is after a particularly bad episode when I was out of town on business and wasn't physically there for her, she blames me for not being there. Then after talking it over, she realized that in fact I was "there" if only a phone call away. She's told no one but me about any of this stuff, so I have no one in my court. She stopped short of saying I wasn't the guy for her, but she is pushing really hard now to just call this whole thing off. Is this common? Any advice here? Thanks, this forum is helpful.

 

[angel2write]

Yes, actually it is common. She's feeling out of control and miserable. She doesn't understand why she's reacting the way she is. If her trauma had anything to do with men, you may be triggering her issues just by breathing.

I think sometimes we're like wounded animals that bite and snap even when we know we need and want help just because we're in so much pain. If she trusted you enough to tell you this stuff, she really does care about you. It's just so overwhelming. And talking about it can make it all seem closer and more intense, if that makes any sense.

I'm glad you're here and you're trying to learn. It really WILL help. Thank you for caring about her and being patient with her. I think I would have died if my husband hadn't put up with my junk and loved me even when I was being unlovable.

If you get on the supporter section of this site, they have information about how to set boundaries and protect yourself while you are going through this, too. I don't mean to imply that you have to just lay down and take everything she dishes out.

Hope this helped,
A

 

[rtk]

The pushing away is what I find the hardest about being a carer. For my husband, that was his coping mechanism for many years. Push it down, push it back, push it away. Now, when he is having a bad episode, he sort of resorts to his old self because it's all he can think to do. He spent so many years pushing feelings down, and people away, it just comes naturally. Once he comes out the other side, he realizes what he has done, but is helpless at the time. Just this past weekend, he declared our marriage was over, and he was leaving. Today, I am his entire world and would be lost without me. It's an emotional rollercoaster....and not a fun ride for either.

 

[Foxtrot]

Wow. Tough stuff. Well, keep it up rtk. I will too. Figuring out my boundaries, and finding forums like this one are really helpful. Thankful for many things in this life, including the Internet!

 

[rtk]

I agree foxtrot, this forum is absolutely amazing. I'm learning more and more everyday. And the more I read, the more it makes sense. I find myself going "yup, yup, yup!"