I saw the tdoc yesterday and out of what I was already feeling was a fairly good outcome to a situation I had managed to handle, my therapist pointed out how in the middle of sussing it out I was in a balanced state of compassion for and being upset the person I was wanting to converse with. I was not seeing simply the black and white of it, whereas the issue the that had arisen was completely BLACK AND WHITE to me - no question.
When she said that I found how difficult it was to conceive of this idea. Admitting this to myself let alone admitting this to her and everyone else is HUGE, but important to get the "secrets" out. I have spent my life soaking up information, letting everyone assume I knew what they were talking about until I finally caught on to what they were discussing. I never asked questions in a way that would look like I didn't know what they were talking about.
So many people that I've met along the way when I've admitted my lows insisted I just see the "bright" side or do this or that simple easy thing, look at the middle yada yada yada, "not everything is black or white", people have insisted there are greys; and me trying to act as if but all full blown emotions scream HELL NO!! The answer is either yes or no, you are either evil or not, it's either night or day, you either did it or didn't .. all that seems pretty freaking clear to me, it was charming to meet someone who so balanced and calm who saw the greys and at the same time had all the patience and love in the world for me just as I am; I cannot be angry without compassion, therefore achieving balance! :) ..........For a moment in space in time, I guess. I still cannot take in how that is suppose to be or why you are suppose to do it, oh well. I have a lot to learn and though I feel incredibly stupid saying this, I surely did not during our session when she told me not to because I will learn it!
And........it was incredibly right to feel this way at the time and to continue to feel, I've felt it before but didn't recognize it as balance :D
Rain
When she said that I found how difficult it was to conceive of this idea. Admitting this to myself let alone admitting this to her and everyone else is HUGE, but important to get the "secrets" out. I have spent my life soaking up information, letting everyone assume I knew what they were talking about until I finally caught on to what they were discussing. I never asked questions in a way that would look like I didn't know what they were talking about.
So many people that I've met along the way when I've admitted my lows insisted I just see the "bright" side or do this or that simple easy thing, look at the middle yada yada yada, "not everything is black or white", people have insisted there are greys; and me trying to act as if but all full blown emotions scream HELL NO!! The answer is either yes or no, you are either evil or not, it's either night or day, you either did it or didn't .. all that seems pretty freaking clear to me, it was charming to meet someone who so balanced and calm who saw the greys and at the same time had all the patience and love in the world for me just as I am; I cannot be angry without compassion, therefore achieving balance! :) ..........For a moment in space in time, I guess. I still cannot take in how that is suppose to be or why you are suppose to do it, oh well. I have a lot to learn and though I feel incredibly stupid saying this, I surely did not during our session when she told me not to because I will learn it!
And........it was incredibly right to feel this way at the time and to continue to feel, I've felt it before but didn't recognize it as balance :D
Rain
