Hello All :)

[MarieG]

Hello to all,

I survived a string of traumatic events in my life, accidents, fights,home thefts, abuses etc...and it seems that while they left scars, I was able to keep it together. But recently, out of good intentions, we sheltered a couple, one of them the son of friends of ours, in financial problems, only to discover they were both prone to violence and the woman was emotionally unstable and always carries a knife on her. I guess we were both too naive and trusting. To make the story short, after we told them they could no longer live here and even ever visit us, we had a confrontation and my husband, when she tried to close on me, had to pull a knife on her to make her back of. They uttered threats. Normally I stay level headed and bounce back rapidly. But I have been afraid for days and in a state of hypervigilance: I cant function, I cant think, I cant sleep...They still have to come back to get some of their things and I am bloody scared. My husband wants me to stay level headed and take things in stride but I cant regain any sense of peace and control. Its like I am paying for all the times I was able to keep my head in a tight spot and act rationally. When they were here, I completely lost it and kept yelling a them, escalating the situation. We're well armed and I just have fantasies of blowing their head off and be done with being so afraid and not knowing what will be their next move. Many times in front of us they discussed how they would go after people, beating them, killing them...We live on a farm, pretty isolated and far from police help. I feel that my husband does not take them seriously enough. And that I am loosing my mind to fear and anger. Sorry for the distress call here. I just need a place to put all those emotions.

 

[Muzikluvr]

This sounds serious. I want to know if you have contacted authorities. Friends, Family, Neighbors? This needs to be addressed in your community. Reach out to someone. Do you have a therapist? I can see the possibility of a lot of unrealistic fears that surround some realistic fears, and you really need to talk to someone who can help you sort out what threats are likely... or if not threats, then how the situation could be escalated into something disastrous. I would encourage you to stop seeing yourself as well armed and capable of blowing them away if they attack you, and start seeing how you can avoid any possibility of that outcome.

If you will focus on making yourself safer through other means, visualizing how you can avoid being alone with them, how you can create a scenario where they can have their stuff, without feeling like they can victimize you or that you can unleash your inner dragon on them... you will find a way to solve this problem peaceably and you will feel less vulnerable. You won't get to tell them off, but you will choose safety over emotional overload, and that will mean all the difference when you do get a therapist and start dealing with all those traumas. You will feel more secure knowing that you can trust yourself to seek ways of minimizing trauma. So try as hard as you can to find a peaceful resolution and get rid of them.

This forum is a great place to unload emotions, you won't find anyone here who would seek to minimize what you're going through, and we believe what we read and validate your experiences. But, we can't save you from any real life dangers, only from the war within... maybe.

 

[MarieG]

Muzikluvr
Thank you so much for telling me what I needed to hear. We contacted their family which are living in our village for support and warning them as well because while they were living here, they threaten many times to burn their parents home, to kill their brother, beating folks etc...Their own family is in the same situation. They called the police and let them know of theirs as well as our situation. My husband does not want to call the authorities himself. He is afraid this will achieve nothing, just aggravate them and make the retaliation worst. We gave them until Friday to take all their belongings, to call in advance and to come alone. Last time they brought two of their buddies which got out of the car when the shouting match started. They are two junkies at the end of the line as their family and us refuse to give them any more help. How did we ended up like this? Well, they are two con artists and have embezzled other people before. Its only after I went talking to their family that we learned the extent of their past behavior. Understandably, no parent want to brag about this kind of stuff. Their parents are good people who are always there to lend us a hand. I talked to my father who's been police officer for 30 years and he thinks they are unlikely to act upon their threat, as they wont want to aggravate their own situation. Still, I am worried silly...We all want them out of our life ASAP. Indeed, focusing on avoiding confrontation is the best option.

 

[intothelight]

Hi Marie,

Welcome to the PTSD Forum. What you have described is a very scary situation.

I cant think, I cant sleep...They still have to come back to get some of their things and I am bloody scared. My husband wants me to stay level headed and take things in stride but I cant regain any sense of peace and control. Its like I am paying for all the times I was able to keep my head in a tight spot and act rationally. When they were here, I completely lost it and kept yelling a them, escalating the situation.

My personal suggestion would to request that a sheriff or other law enforcement officer be present when they remove their possessions from your home. Just having them there would keep everyone in line and in control.

I would also suggest you see a counselor if at all possible. I hope for your sake that you do not have PTSD, but in any case, getting a diagnosis and working on the issues will be beneficial regardless of the diagnosis.

Wishing you the best.
Debbie

 

[Froggie]

Welcom to the forum MarieG. You did a good thing to come here for yourself. Intothelight has a great suggestion as you are living an on the spot situation. Go with your gut feeling on this, even if your H doesn't have the same opinion. They are unstable and even if it's only words, those words have an effect. I was like you, level headed great with crisis situation until I was confronted with something that went completely agains my values, beliefs and convictions. Keep us posted.

 

[MarieG]

Thanks to your support and advices, today I feel much calmer and in control. So, again than you. This too shall pass as they say.

 

[Mercy]

Welcome, Marie.
Folks who have already posted have some really good ideas especially having a police man there when they come.
I'm glad that you have acted on them.

I have a suggestion which might help. If you don't want to see them again, you and your husband or the families of your 'rude squatters' could pack up their stuff and take it away or mail it to them. Or you could take it to a place you all agree on like leave boxes in the Post Office or the church basement.

I hope you will be able to lessen your realistic fear and, with your father's experience, reduce your heightened state of fear.

 

[MarieG]

Hello Mercy,
Passed the deadline we gave them, we are planning to have all their stuff remove and placed in storage until auctioned if they do not pay the fees for having their stuff moved and stored. We have all intentions of having the situation solved peaceably. I am much more level-headed than a few days ago, which helps a lot, fear not being the best councilor. Unfortunately, there is not enough ground to have a police officer on site yet :( . We hope they'll understand its not to their advantage to escalate the situation. It would be a no win situation for everybody.