Dating With Ptsd

[shadowchaser]

Honestly didn't think it would happen but I met someone who seams decent. He is professionally employed, flatters me frequently, patient, and understanding. He knows about my PTSD. I am not sure if he understands it or not but is accepting about it.

I'm excited and scared all at the same time.

Excited that I may find one person right for me. I almost feel like Cinderella.

Scared that he will realize how much of a mess up I am and decide I'm not worth the time. That he will decide I'm nothing more than a charity case. Hang out a little then just dump me to the side.

Mixed feelings I guess.

What have your experiences been with dating and PTSD?

 

[Ricanoland]

I was with one girl for over 2 years, and she was clueless and told me there was nothing wrong with me. That I was creating things, these stories. A make believe disease. So I slowly started to believe her, that is was my fault (how I felt I mean).

After I broke up with her, I found a another girl. I was so scared to bring my past up, or the term PTSD up. At the age of 19 how to do explain to someone that you are disabled..... when you are not missing a leg or any other body part? but it took a few months of crying and fighting but she understands me now. She knows my limits, and I know hers. I am so happy that I found someone that accepts me and my issues even if I have a hard time doing that myself sometimes.

PTSD is apart of Ricanoland but it is not Ricanoland.

 

[bohemianred]

I miss giving and feeling love, but I'm terrified and haven't a clue where to begin really. I don't meet people and don't know how to read dating cues any more. I don't want to repeat unhealthy either. And with PTSD, I feel damaged, and although I know in a sense I am...I've come so far and feel open to the thought of love and romance again, and I still know I'm full of awesome most of the time despite it, lol.

Any ideas/experiences to share? I'd appreciate them!

 

[Mrs. Martinez]

Dating was extremely difficult for me, I lucked out with my husband. he was my neighbor and we both worked night shift so it all just kind of fell into play. This only happened because he was my friend though. In any relationship friendship is the only way you make it through, when you have PTSD, or panic attacks, you depend on it! Before you can love someone or be happy with them you must be happy with yourself. Be careful just because they are your friend don't mean that you should take it further you can easily hurt yourself and loose good friends like that. I wish you the best in finding someone who understands you!

 

[bohemianred]

Thank you Mrs.Martinez! I've always agreed friends first, because the honeymoon period can only last so long. I can't say I'm happy with life circumstances but I'm pretty happy with myself, my morals and values are solid, and I work hard at perfecting imperfections...lol. Without mutual understanding there can be no critical connectedness, right!? Futility at work. I guess I'm really stuck at meeting people, and then broaching the PTSD subject. I have had a few dates over the last few years, but they attempted to move too quickly for me, especially early on in my seperation while I was still being stalked and while my PTSD became 'severe & chronic'. The isolation eventually came with...sadly.

 

[saffy]

I understand what you are saying bohemianred.

I also have trouble meeting people and feel pretty isolated at them moment. I have even tried to think of things to do around here that I might get to meet people but just cannot get inspired, I've tried loads of different things before and came out feeling even lonelier and dettached.

I am sick of going into pubs or to watch bands on my own but despite inviting different people no-one is ever available. :( Men seem to be intimidated if I walk in alone or just think I am on the pull for a one night stand yuk. Girls think I am out on the pull and after their men or someone they might be into and get all bitchy.

Have to say I am dreading christmas and new year.

best wishes
Saffy :)

 

[piratelady]

I am trying to date and it is difficult. I am terrified. I have yet to ascertain how to know if I can trust someone. I feel like I am starting from scratch as far as basic social and dating skills are concerned. I am interested to hear any responses from others as well.

 

[Mrs. Martinez]

Try the intetnet, it can be scary, but it also gives you the chance to have tons of conversation before things get rushed. I did it a lot, the only big issue I ran into was guy's already being with someone NO GOOD. However I've met some really great guys on there,some I'm even still friends with. Just a thought, if u meet a guy in a bar it'd almost grunted to go no place other then the bedroom.

 

[saffy]

Just a thought, if u meet a guy in a bar it'd almost grunted to go no place other then the bedroom.

True, but I like to watch live bands so sometimes pubs cannot be avoided. I've beem to ceroc classes and got the same reception lol :)

Saffy :)

 

[Mrs. Martinez]

Nothin wrong with goin ta pubs, just not the best place to try and start a relationships.

 

[bohemianred]

I find it hard to know who to trust too, and find my insecurities then become a problem. I tried a free dating site, mostly got requests from old class mates, and a couple of ex's...but mostly old men who wanted a one night stand. It did provide the opportunity to have conversations. A male friend of mine (non-sufferer) had great success on a paid dating site...but I need the funds for that...and even then how to approach the abuse & subsequent PTSD if I did? I hate having my picture taken too-I present better in person. The other issue is meeting, since I don't care for being alone in public places...it doesn't feel any safer meeting a stranger in a place filled with more strangers. Urgh!

I appreciate the discussion, because I find this a huge issue and love to hear others' perspectives. Thanks so much!

 

[saffy]

...but mostly old men who wanted a one night stand.

Yes I either got that or young men thinking I was a cougar :laugh:

The thing for me is that I am not even looking for a romantic relationship at the moment just a meaningful relationship with someone. I could do with friends around me, If I get romance out of it great.

I would have thought I could find at least one person who would like to join me when I go out, or stay in come to think of it.

I think people think I am weird because I always seem to be on my own. They do not realise that this is not by choice though, ironically :unsure:

best wishes

Saffy :)