Rejection & dating with PTSD & anxiety

[Jess1990]

I sometimes feel like I'm not enough. My past traumas left me feeling unlovable and worthless. I go to stores and any bad tone or attitude from cashiers or people makes me feel sad and even worse about myself. I struggle with setting boundaries so I am vulnerable to bullying especially at work.

I went through work descrimination (remarks about my "dark" brown skin color as Latina, called slow-I'm dyslexic, insinuated going to be slapped on my face for dropping something, laughing at my hair, and other stuff) and when I reported it I felt gaslighted that it was all in my head. These people who hurt me at work got promoted and get favortism from my supervisor.

All of my relationships end up with them cheating or violently hurting me. I'm working on building on healthier relationships in therapy. However, I feel deep down like no one will want me because of my my mental illnesses and men will see it as baggage. One of my life dreams is to get married and have a family. I'm about to turn 35 years old and I'm a virgin waiting for sex till marriage due to my Christian beliefs and values so that alone already limits my dating pool.

Any tips on how to navigate the dating world while suffering with PTSD (generalized anxiety disorder, depression, and social anxiety)? Any advice would be appreciated

 

[Roland]

I'm sorry for everything you've been through. It is possible to find someone with your Christian values. My husband was a virgin when we met and we didn't even kiss on the lips until our wedding (his conviction, not really mine, but I respected him). I wasn't exactly a virgin, I did some things with my ex plus I have a sexual abuse history, but he accepted me anyways. Now we have a great sex life and marriage but we do struggle due to trauma but we're working on it. We're looking at going to therapy. Someone that respects you won't mind waiting for you. But I will ask, at what cost? I don't mean to change your beliefs but many Christian virgins have pornography addictions. I would focus on finding someone that respects you over finding someone with personal sexual history matching your convictions.

A respectful relationship goes at a slow pace, it feels uncomfortable in comparison to the love bombing fast toxic relationships. You feel so distant to each other emotionally because you're letting the connection grow at a healthy pace. When I was dating my husband it felt so weird but it was much safer and healthier than my relationship with my ex or even friendships I had. Take your time but also weed out anyone based on serious deal breakers like whether or not to have kids, religion, and respecting your boundaries.

 

[deno]

I just want to say how deeply moved I was reading your post. There’s so much strength in your vulnerability, and I can feel how hard you've worked to hold on to your values and dreams in a world that hasn't always treated you kindly.

When I started therapy years ago, my therapist asked me to agree to something I didn’t fully understand at the time: to not date for two years. I thought it was extreme. But looking back now, it was one of the most important decisions I ever made.

Why? Because it gave me time for me. To know myself before I shared myself. To learn what safety and respect felt like internally, not just in others. I realized how often I had shaped myself around others—trying to prove I was good enough, lovable enough, worthy enough. That pause was where I finally started learning who I actually was… and how much I had to offer that didn’t need proving.

You're already on the journey...therapy, reflection, faith, resilience. I hear you worrying that PTSD or anxiety might make you seem like “baggage” to someone. But the right person won’t see it that way at all. They’ll see the work you've done, the strength it’s taken to still believe in love, and the incredible self-awareness you’ve earned.

The world may have tried to convince you that you're not enough. But you are. You always were. And when you really believe that, the dating world becomes less about proving your worth...and more about recognizing someone else's. You have a beautiful heart. Don’t give it to someone who hasn’t earned the right to hold it.

 

[Lost in the Woods]

Wow, all the posts are spot on and your post showed strength through vulnerability. I am really impressed.

I have really struggled with social anxiety. I have worked hard by practicing talking to store clerks, etc. I force myself to look strangers in the eye and talk to them. I ask them about their interests, lives, etc. I follow up questions. It gets easier with practice. I struggle with a self image of a loser not fit for human company or consideration. I learned that I was attracted to women who were not all there. It wasn’t a desire to fix them but I thought that was all that I was worthy of. I saw the pattern decades before I knew it was PTSD that was skewing every aspect of my life. Even in my ignorance I started looking for clues that the possible romantic partner had deal killer traits like being substance abusers. The quality of people I dated went from gals I met in a bar to university professors. Although living apart, I am married to a university president.

Because we have a negative opinion of ourselves we short change ourselves over and over again. If you can see the pattern you can avoid repeating the mistakes.

 

[Jess1990]

I'm sorry for everything you've been through. It is possible to find someone with your Christian values. My husband was a virgin when we met and we didn't even kiss on the lips until our wedding (his conviction, not really mine, but I respected him). I wasn't exactly a virgin, I did some things with my ex plus I have a sexual abuse history, but he accepted me anyways. Now we have a great sex life and marriage but we do struggle due to trauma but we're working on it. We're looking at going to therapy. Someone that respects you won't mind waiting for you. But I will ask, at what cost? I don't mean to change your beliefs but many Christian virgins have pornography addictions. I would focus on finding someone that respects you over finding someone with personal sexual history matching your convictions.

A respectful relationship goes at a slow pace, it feels uncomfortable in comparison to the love bombing fast toxic relationships. You feel so distant to each other emotionally because you're letting the connection grow at a healthy pace. When I was dating my husband it felt so weird but it was much safer and healthier than my relationship with my ex or even friendships I had. Take your time but also weed out anyone based on serious deal breakers like whether or not to have kids, religion, and respecting your boundaries.

Thank you for sharing your experiences and your feedback. I agree, I will take my time to weed out based on serious deal breakers. Your advice was very helpful

I just want to say how deeply moved I was reading your post. There’s so much strength in your vulnerability, and I can feel how hard you've worked to hold on to your values and dreams in a world that hasn't always treated you kindly.

When I started therapy years ago, my therapist asked me to agree to something I didn’t fully understand at the time: to not date for two years. I thought it was extreme. But looking back now, it was one of the most important decisions I ever made.

Why? Because it gave me time for me. To know myself before I shared myself. To learn what safety and respect felt like internally, not just in others. I realized how often I had shaped myself around others—trying to prove I was good enough, lovable enough, worthy enough. That pause was where I finally started learning who I actually was… and how much I had to offer that didn’t need proving.

You're already on the journey...therapy, reflection, faith, resilience. I hear you worrying that PTSD or anxiety might make you seem like “baggage” to someone. But the right person won’t see it that way at all. They’ll see the work you've done, the strength it’s taken to still believe in love, and the incredible self-awareness you’ve earned.

The world may have tried to convince you that you're not enough. But you are. You always were. And when you really believe that, the dating world becomes less about proving your worth...and more about recognizing someone else's. You have a beautiful heart. Don’t give it to someone who hasn’t earned the right to hold it.

Aww thank you so much for your kind words. Your wisdom and kind words mean a lot. I appreciate the reminder that the right person won't see my ptsd and anxiety as baggage. Your feedback and advice was very helpful ️

Wow, all the posts are spot on and your post showed strength through vulnerability. I am really impressed.

I have really struggled with social anxiety. I have worked hard by practicing talking to store clerks, etc. I force myself to look strangers in the eye and talk to them. I ask them about their interests, lives, etc. I follow up questions. It gets easier with practice. I struggle with a self image of a loser not fit for human company or consideration. I learned that I was attracted to women who were not all there. It wasn’t a desire to fix them but I thought that was all that I was worthy of. I saw the pattern decades before I knew it was PTSD that was skewing every aspect of my life. Even in my ignorance I started looking for clues that the possible romantic partner had deal killer traits like being substance abusers. The quality of people I dated went from gals I met in a bar to university professors. Although living apart, I am married to a university president.

Because we have a negative opinion of ourselves we short change ourselves over and over again. If you can see the pattern you can avoid repeating the mistakes.

Thank you for your kind words, sharing your experiences and your helpful feedback. I feel less alone in my experiences. I agree, if I can see the pattern I can avoid repeating the mistakes. I appreciate your advice ️

 

[Ecdysis]

I wonder whether being part of a church or faith community would be useful and then telling everyone there that you're single... It might be a way of meeting a partner there who has similar values?

 

[Jess1990]

I wonder whether being part of a church or faith community would be useful and then telling everyone there that you're single... It might be a way of meeting a partner there who has similar values?

I'm on dating apps, but I've been meaning to join my church events. They often announce many events. My social anxiety makes it challenging to attend, but I will have to push myself if I want to meet someone with my same values. Thank you for advice

 

[Roland]

I'm on dating apps, but I've been meaning to join my church events. They often announce many events. My social anxiety makes it challenging to attend, but I will have to push myself if I want to meet someone with my same values. Thank you for advice

I met my husband using a Christian dating app

 

[Jess1990]

I met my husband using a Christian dating app

Very nice. That's encouraging that maybe I can find my future spouse on a dating app...you never know

 

[Roland]

Very nice. That's encouraging that maybe I can find my future spouse on a dating app...you never know

Exactly, it's just another way to meet people!

 

[mamachick]

Ok, I admit I didnt read all the post, only because I cant see that much, not because I don't care cua I do. i love the ppl here. Never met such a great group. Right now I d admit I had ad inhale of happy smoke, but have to share an important lesson, especially as Im not normal, not most of family and frieds

On the way out of Sams Club, despatetly wanted a porch furniture set. Dont need a truck often but my husband has fe friends that have truck which he was trying. I called my neighbor who had tried to have sex eith me (when husband was not living here) which was his defense at time. When we talked, he had a different story that I recall although. His wife mored away. Very sad. My husband knows about it by my admission, not beaning to put tension, but know it has. Anyway, he and I have tried to talk several yrs ago. He had a different motor and we disagreed and left it there. Todninght, I say the side of him that attcked me. It was a discussion abiut dems v reps.. How awful. Right. But as we began to agree about corruption on both sides, he became nut, rocking back and forth, blocking the doorway, etc. Happened right after husband took dogs to yard for like 20 minutes. At this point I actually thought my hub had called police. So strange. When I finally talked him down about out back doors and he was gone, Husband screamed at me. My thing was is that my neighbor is dissociating for sure, I saw it. I guess that is why I had to give him benefit of doubt, I know something was wrong as not like him. Sad part is my husband that could not stop yelling. This is an account of event, but would really like feedback

 

[mamachick]

Ok, I admit I didnt read all the post, only because I cant see that much, not because I don't care cua I do. i love the ppl here. Never met such a great group. Right now I d admit I had ad inhale of happy smoke, but have to share an important lesson, especially as Im not normal, not most of family and frieds

On the way out of Sams Club, despatetly wanted a porch furniture set. Dont need a truck often but my husband has fe friends that have truck which he was trying. I called my neighbor who had tried to have sex eith me (when husband was not living here) which was his defense at time. When we talked, he had a different story that I recall although. His wife mored away. Very sad. My husband knows about it by my admission, not beaning to put tension, but know it has. Anyway, he and I have tried to talk several yrs ago. He had a different motor and we disagreed and left it there. Todninght, I say the side of him that attcked me. It was a discussion abiut dems v reps.. How awful. Right. But as we began to agree about corruption on both sides, he became nut, rocking back and forth, blocking the doorway, etc. Happened right after husband took dogs to yard for like 20 minutes. At this point I actually thought my hub had called police. So strange. When I finally talked him down about out back doors and he was gone, Husband screamed at me. My thing was is that my neighbor is dissociating for sure, I saw it. I guess that is why I had to give him benefit of doubt, I know something was wrong as not like him. Sad part is my husband that could not stop yelling. This is an account of event, but would really like feedback

Im sorry. My post really sucks