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Relationship Dating a PTSD + BPD person, need some advice.

T

Tritan

Im new here and i just started to educate myself on PTSD + BPD and learning how i can be a support for her. I got to know someone new back in January 2024, she mentioned she was diagnose with BPD + PTSD from her previous relationships. We connected really well within the 2 months despite being in a LDR. Recently, in March 2024, she told me that she's probably not okay and that she needs time to introspect herself and that she might not be ready for relationship and MIA for 5 days, and she came back texting telling me that she missed me and she doesn't know what to say and doesn't know what to do, and asked me to hate her and forget about her, and disappeared again. 2 days ago, she texted me at night telling me that she went back to psychiatrist for antidepressants because her anxiety and PTSD got worse, and telling me that she hope that im doing well, eating and sleeping well and that she still miss me everyday. Then she also told me that she have the feeling to hurt herself again and afterwards she told me that shes weak and sleepy, said that she cant reply to my text anymore, and she havent been reading my messages since. Im concerned about her and im not too sure how is she coping right now, any advice?

I feel like i shouldn't leave her and i don't think i am ready to leave her, i've been trying to be supportive, and showing my care towards her despite being ignored by her. Im not too sure if i'm doing it correctly. So before she MIA from me, i was asking her questions and she did told me that she will let me know when she want to, and then afterwards i tried not to probe further questions that causes more stress for her. When she MIA, I sent her a few messages to let her know that i'll be there for her whenever she needs, telling her how shes worthy of love. Is it a good idea to send her messages like that when she withdraw? Or does it causes her more stress? When she withdraw, i shouldnt contact her at all or its okay for me to do so? Also, any tips for being a supporter to someone with PTSD + BPD?
 
Have you met in person, yet?
Yes, I've met her 3 times. First time is when she impulsively came over to my country and only told me that she's here on the day of her flight back to her own country. 2nd and 3rd time is when we've made plans to spend some time together over the weekends at my country.


Update: 1 week after posting this, i texted her again letting her know how i feel like i'm being abandoned, and she replied me by updating me about her current condition and that she's trying her best to distract herself by keeping herself busy. I requested to go over to her place if she allows but she mentioned that she's currently in a 'runaway' mode and that she doesn't want anyone to be close to her. She also did show her concern about me by checking in on me as well in the same conversation. 10 days later which is few days ago, she just sent me a selfie (as i requested it, and as long as she's comfortable with it) of herself with the bear that i mailed it (with a handwritten letter) to her hoping that it can give her some comfort. Yesterday afternoon, I checked in with her and she didn't read my message yet.

I've been trying my best to handle my own anxiousness, taking care of myself and prioritizing my own needs while also trying to understand her condition in the mist of this whole situation.
 
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