Relationship Dating a great girl with PTSD - Need some advice on what I should do

[Sweetpea76]

@dcb2410 there is no need to be reactive. Nobody is piling on you. Just because you feel attacked doesn’t mean you are being attacked. You posted on an Internet forum and you are getting responses.

I, by no means, was saying to rush into a new relationship. What I said was that it was unhealthy for anybody to pine over a break up for YEARS. That isn’t anybody’s issue but the person who wastes their time pining.

Relationships end. It’s a part of everyday life. When one partner decides to end a relationship they do not need to justify their reasons for doing so. Their reasons, no matter how illogical or unfair they seem to anybody else, are still valid. Somebody could leave you after 20 years because they don’t like the way you eat your toast in the morning. Would it suck? Yes, but it’s still valid.

Speaking for YOUR mental health... spending YEARS trying to make sense of something that doesn’t make sense to you and wallowing in this break up is not healthy. Giving up on love because you had a rough time is illogical. How long were you in the actual relationship?

Grieve the relationship, but grieve in a healthy way. If you want to see what happens to people who pine away for years, you can find examples of supporters who did that here on this forum. Guess what? At the end of the day they were alone and their mental health suffered. I always look out for the supporter’s well being here first. This hard truth IS for your well being. Grieve. Go through the process, but don’t bury yourself in it.

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

If you start seeing a woman with a very dysfunctional past, buckle up and get ready for a bumpy ride through Hell, my friend..

 

[dcb2410]

she's been through hell herself. can only wish her well and a much happier future.

 

[Wonder Woman]

she's been through hell herself. can only wish her well and a much happier future.

Hi, dcb2410. I just wanted to say that I m sorry you are feeling piled-up on. Keep in mind that everyone here is working to resolve their own trauma and/or issues.

I agree, you are the only one who gets to decide how long you need to heal after a painful break-up. Much better to take your time and avoid repeating similar mistakes, than rushing into something before you're ready.

As my son likes to say: It's okay. You do you. Doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. They aren't living your life.

Sending warm thoughts your way.

 

[dcb2410]

Hi, dcb2410. I just wanted to say that I m sorry you are feeling piled-up on. Keep in mind that everyone here is working to resolve their own trauma and/or issues.

I agree, you are the only one who gets to decide how long you need to heal after a painful break-up. Much better to take your time and avoid repeating similar mistakes, than rushing into something before you're ready.

As my son likes to say: It's okay. You do you. Doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. They aren't living your life.

Sending warm thoughts your way.

thanks. yep everyone has their own challenges. given the completely lock down and the turmoil in the world in terms of people's jobs, health etc, not exactly a suitable time to be running off into some other relationship. I didn't give my commitment to my ex and her daughter on a whim. i valued the relationship. i loved them both. wasn't mere hollow words. was meant from the heart.

@dcb2410 there is no need to be reactive. Nobody is piling on you. Just because you feel attacked doesn’t mean you are being attacked. You posted on an Internet forum and you are getting responses.

I, by no means, was saying to rush into a new relationship. What I said was that it was unhealthy for anybody to pine over a break up for YEARS. That isn’t anybody’s issue but the person who wastes their time pining.

Relationships end. It’s a part of everyday life. When one partner decides to end a relationship they do not need to justify their reasons for doing so. Their reasons, no matter how illogical or unfair they seem to anybody else, are still valid. Somebody could leave you after 20 years because they don’t like the way you eat your toast in the morning. Would it suck? Yes, but it’s still valid.

Speaking for YOUR mental health... spending YEARS trying to make sense of something that doesn’t make sense to you and wallowing in this break up is not healthy. Giving up on love because you had a rough time is illogical. How long were you in the actual relationship?

Grieve the relationship, but grieve in a healthy way. If you want to see what happens to people who pine away for years, you can find examples of supporters who did that here on this forum. Guess what? At the end of the day they were alone and their mental health suffered. I always look out for the supporter’s well being here first. This hard truth IS for your well being. Grieve. Go through the process, but don’t bury yourself in it.

this relationship was my last hope of being a dad. the end of this relationship has also meant i have to accept that now won't happen. so the grief isnt just the loss of a relationship but also the life long hope of having a family. so forgive me but it has much more profound impact than just the loss of my ex partner. that now won't happen for me.

 

[Wonder Woman]

this relationship was my last hope of being a dad. the end of this relationship has also meant i have to accept that now won't happen. so the grief isnt just the loss of a relationship but also the life long hope of having a family. so forgive me but it has much more profound impact than just the loss of my ex partner. that now won't happen for me.

There are still ways to have a family with a new partner. There are so many children who need loving homes. You could adopt, when the time is right for you.

 

[Sweetpea76]

@dcb2410 why is that your last chance of having a family? Men can father children at any age, and becoming a stepfather is never out of the question. My Vet inherited my teenage children when we got together, and now is firmly in the primary father role. He’ll make the most wonderfully baby-spoiling grandpa when they have kids of their own.

I would look at it this way... you now have a chance to have a family with a mentally stable partner. You won’t have to worry about the impact having a parent with untreated PTSD will have on your child.

 

[Mytime]

@GTR38 do you feel like your getting what you need from this relationship? Are you ok with how much time you spend together?

 

[joeylittle]

Reminder:

Sufferers Must Read This Thread Prior to Posting

Thanks.