Can Some One Help Please

[mstaz]

I have only recently been really working on my ptsd treatment and combating the triggers, my husband took a job driving over the road. He states that he understands what I am going through but then seems like he dont when I have a flashback or anxiety attack he leaves. We have been fighting to find a compromise, or I should say I have. I don't feel that he is trying to work with me and be supportive of my needs.

When he is out there on the road he seems to forget that I am at home worried about him on top of every thing else I am trying to deal with. I have tried to handle all of this alone and with out support for about 3 weeks now. I feel like I am getting ready to crash hard. I dont like feeling hopeless, unwanted, not important, or even second best. I already have abandonment issues on top of the ptsd, which only adds more triggers to the 50 I know I have already.

I have bought books for him to read showed him sites that have great information on it and still we continue to have communication problems and relationship issues. When my husband took this job he said sure we will go slow and his first time out was the full 14 days he states he talks to his driver manager but I have little faith that he actually did. Are Trucking companies really that narrow minded that they do not see ptsd as a medical illness and try thier best not to work with the families.

I know he did not take this job to run away but it sure the hell seems and feels like it. Maybe I am not getting how I need supported acrossed to him where he understands it I know he is not stupid but at times he sure acts like it. I dont want to leave him or divorce him but right now I cannot handle anymore and I have told him all this and he just keeps pushing and pushing ....... any advice I would really appreciate.

 

[g6khk0]

Have you printed out Anthony's document on this site and given it to your husband? I am trying to be a supporter to my GF, if in fact she is still that as she has said she needed a break and not to contact her, she'll contact me; so she's isolating from me right now. Has been for a week. Not sure how much longer I can hold out without contacting her.

In the interim I have read Anthony's document many times now and have a greater grasp of what goes on inside a sufferers mind. It is a great read for both sufferers and carers. If you haven't read it you need to.

Best wishes for you.

 

[mstaz]

No I have not. I do not have a printer and he is out on the road right now, I am not even sure where he is.

 

[g6khk0]

Have you read the document? If not you should, read it more than once. Each time you read it you learn more. It's really helped me.

Do you know the company he works for? Certainly they would tell you where he is since you two are married.

 

[BloomInWinter]

((((mstaz))))

Welcome to the forum. You are not alone. Your suffering is not invisible.

Good job on your post!

The best thing we can do for ourselves and our partners is to widen our circles of known people, trusted people, people to speak with, people who are good for dinner and games...people who will 'be there' deeply when we need it.

No partner can or should 'be all' these things, and it isn't healthy for us to expect them to.

But, it is a normal consequence of the agoraphobia.

Your recovery does not require that your hubby understand you, but that he accepts you.

A long-haul trucker isn't likely to be able to 'be there' as much as other jobs, as you know, so that 'need' must be filled elsewhere. What are options you have for contact with safe, caring people? Are you seeing a counselor?

What is your social circle like?

Keep reading, sharing, and speaking gently to yourself. It will get better.

 

[Cassandra King]

Your recovery does not require that your hubby understand you, but that he accepts you.

This is somethig you really need to think about. No one will be able to completly understand what you are going through. Not your husband, and not even some one on this site who has gone through similer things. Your husband, though I do not know the situation, seems like he is trying his best to support you in the best way that he can. PTSD stemming from sexual abuse/assault is especially hard on your partner.
Just give him time, time to understand the disease since it is farely new to him. Let him come to what happend to you on his own terms. He is most likely not wanting to believe that you are even going though this kind of hell.

As for dealing with PTSD alone...don't! Call your mom, dad, sister, brother, best friend, husband...who ever. You need people to help you get through this. Its not easy, and most likely if you don't have a support system you will resort to other means of relief. At 13 when I started to have flash backs, Night terrors, and all the wonderful issues that go along with PTSD *rolls eyes* I felt so sick of myself. I couldn't stop thinking these terrible thoughts or seeing these terrible things in my dreams. I felt like a lunatic. Because i did not tell anyone about my symptoms I resorted to drugs, and other means of self destruction (cutting, beating myself)
Everything is easier when you have some one you can talk to that you trust.

 

[Cassandra King]

Sorry that was really fraggin long LOL :O_o:

 

[mstaz]

Thank you everyone for you posts I am sorry it took a while to get back I have been having a really rough time just getting out of bed to take care of my son. Bloominwinter to answer some of your questions I am seeing a therapist that I trust very much finally, my family I seem to be a burden on them but they are trying their best that the can to be here for me as much as possible. I have a trusted friend that I call almost daily but as they live in another town I feel my best friend is a phone. My social circle has dwindled way down as one major trigger is toooooooo many p

Have you read the document? If not you should, read it more than once. Each time you read it you learn more. It's really helped me.

Do you know the company he works for? Certainly they would tell you where he is since you two are married.

The company he works for yes and it is not based out of our area. Cassandra I wondered the same if he really didn't understand but yet he stated he did.

 

[mstaz]

Oh and yes g6khk, I did finally read the article and it explained alot to me too. Thank you soooooooooo much for all your advice and support!!!

 

[BloomInWinter]

(((((mstaz)))))

I'm glad you have your T. and your friend.

Are you safe? Are your physical needs being met? These are the beginning of being safe enough to begin getting better.

I'm sorry to hear your hubby isn't communicating. This will hopefully get better as you do.

Hang in there. Speak gently to yourself. Try to write one good think about yourself each day.

Or tell your son one thing you love about him each day.

Sending you wishes for safety, rest, comfort....

 

[mstaz]

I have to tell my self mentally that I am safe but dont feel safe right now today we figred out 18 more new triggers. I am not sure what you are talking by physical needs but I do have food house and heat. Thank you for the advice on writing one good thing about me each day I will definately try that.