Relationship I'm So Gullible.... He's Been Hiding Things From Me

[LilacFaerie]

Just found out yesterday that DH isn't taking ANY of the meds he's been prescribed.....including the Zoloft.

Found mini rum bottles in his car - empty, of course. And when I say something, I get "you weren't supposed to see that."

WTH - why is it so hard for some people to take needed medication when they will voluntarily pollute their body with other "drugs"???

I just don't understand.

 

[amethist]

Hi LilacFaerie

It could be that he is struggling to cope and was to ashamed to admit to you that this was happening.

Poisoning your body with other stuff was a conversation hubby and I had yesterday, he explained why he was drinking when I was out more clearly. Not a lot, but enough to just numb out the fear of me not coming home to him.

Have you tried asking him why, instead of pointing out that you know, and what his reasons are. You may be surprised at his answers.

Some times we have to look out of the box,instead of just going at them for it all.

 

[Nicolette]

WTH - why is it so hard for some people to take needed medication when they will voluntarily pollute their body with other "drugs"???

Maybe his perception of alcohol is not the same as yours LilacFaerie. Some people perceive medication as 'tablets' and a sign of weakness. Drinking to them is just 'something to numb the pain' and used a coping mechanism and they fail to realize that the alcohol is actually worse than some of the medication they take.

Have you thought about asking him what the difference of drinking verses taking medication is to him?

 

[SamerSue]

This is so similar to what I've been experiencing with my fiance. He hides it from me, but I can pretty much always tell when he has been drinking. He swears up and down he hasn't been, even when I can smell it on him. He only admits it when he HAS to do so... Like when he ends up in the hospital because the drinking makes his hallucinations worse, and the doctor comes in to tell me that he has a BAC of .32 (or .43, .22, or something else... those are just the most recent numbers I recall).

He is really worried about the side effects of the medications he is prescribed, but doesn't see that the alcohol is so much worse! He doesn't object to the Xanax because it helps him in a way he can see and feel, but the Zyprexa or other meds? He doesn't like the way they make him feel so he refuses to take them. I suggest he talk to the doc to get a different medication and he refuses, because this is the best combo he's taken, with the least horrible side effects... But the combo does no good when he refuses to take them!

I'm sorry, I made it all about me and my situation. You aren't alone though! And the other responses you've received have given me ideas on how to possibly proceed the next time it happens.

 

[JohnJohn]

Hang in there Lilacfaerie. Through experience with my loved one I have observed shame with meds and self medication. The medicine may make them feel more of a stigma. My wife went to her gyno for anti depressants and anxiety meds, not a psychologist. She also binge drinks.

Sometimes we may feel more in control if we are just drunk or taking prescribed medicine from a gyno, like anyone else.

Hang in there and I hope your husband is getting help. The first big step with all problems is acceptance.

 

[LilacFaerie]

>>Have you thought about asking him what the difference of drinking verses taking medication is to him?<<
That's a thought....although I bet I know the answer...he likes the way the booze makes him feel as opposed to the meds. But it's worth a shot. Thank you, Nicolette!!

 

[Mrs. T]

My H's view of drinking is that it "actually makes him feel better". Though the meds may be helping him a little, it's not enough for him to forget about the bottle. He has always hated taking meds and thinks prescribed meds are just as bad for you, if not worse then illegal drugs or alcohol (not all illegal drugs. Talking about weed or coke)...and they are a quick fix. I don't 100% disagree either. This doesn't help my argument in not wanting him drinking or doing drugs, but it does help me understand why.

 

[LilacFaerie]

This is so similar to what I've been experiencing with my fiance. He hides it from me, but I can pretty much always tell when he has been drinking. He swears up and down he hasn't been, [snip] I'm sorry, I made it all about me and my situation. You aren't alone though! And the other responses you've received have given me ideas on how to possibly proceed the next time it happens.

Don't apologize - it helps me to see that I am not alone.....Intellectually, I know I'm not, but my heart hurts so much sometimes that it fools me into thinking I'm the only one experiencing these particular problems.

Since I saw the bottles in the car, I haven't seen any more...which means nothing, really, cuz he could just be doing a better job at hiding things now. I always keep an eye on the bottle of rum that's in our freezer, and that doesn't seem to have been used of late. He's even turned down the chance to drink when someone offers him a beer - but I'm guessing this is just because he knows if he starts, maybe he won't be able to stop.

 

[LilacFaerie]

Mrs. T, I totally understand that. My husband too, was never one to believe in medication prescribed by a psychiatrist/pyschologist.....he feels they are a crutch. It took him a long time to accept that I had to be on an anti-depressant - until I went off them and he saw the change in me. And then he sees all those ads on TV for new meds and all the possible side effects that they are under obligation to state.....he probably feels the alcohol IS less toxic. I'm sure the rum tastes better.

 

[Mrs. T]

to be honest, I don't feel comfortable with too many meds either. but I also don't feel comfortable with the alternative. if you don't need anything than it's easy to say not to take them, but if you do need something, how do you argue that? prescribed meds are less dangerous for everyone else? they help you long term? I guess that's the argument...? maybe I just answered my own question. prescribed meds help with daily activities. Can they replace the feeling the alcohol gives? I can't relate personally on both sides so that's an honest question.

 

[step2]

We have been through him drinking to be able to get to sleep. We have been through a cycle of different perscribed meds, which he eventually decided were causing more harm than help. Now we are on a regime of herbs, vitamins, and supplements to try and correct the mineral imbalances caused by stress and trama. I must say that the natural approach has been by far the most succesfull of everything we have tried.

On the other hand. H did need some of the perscribed meds in the beginning just to give his mind a break from all of the bad thoughts and memoroes assaulting it constantly. But more and more it just seemed like he was being given meds instead of getting to the root cause of the symptoms.

I have spent months reading and researching and he now has a dr that listens and orders tests to try and confirm or rule out things I have read about. Together we have discovered and corrected low levels of vitamin D, B12, calcium, and thyroid hormone as well as a few amino acids.

If you want to explain the logic for the meds versus the drink, remind him that drinking can cause harm to others and is illegal while driving. Ask him to just try the meds as perscribed for 2 weeks or a month and help keep a log of how they make him feel and any side affects.That might make him feel like he has more control and can be collecting "evidence" if they are not right for him.

 

[Mrs. T]

some things I am definitely going to look into step2. thanks!