Sufferer Rape, Multiple Severe Abusive Relationships, 20 + Yrs Of Trauma After Trauma

[Elizabeth7]

Hi, well to be blunt, I have severe PTSD and have been improperly treated or misdiagnosed until Jan of this year.

I suffer from panic attacks (the super fun ones where your heart feels like it will explode, choking sensation, and sometimes I hurl) From age 7 to 16 close to 30 foster homes, total 10 in patient stays, 2 attempts, and many ideations. My right arm bears scars of my past poor coping skill to "feel better".

My current doctor worked with the V.A. for 20 years. He does'nt believe EMDR is helpful, though I have read otherwise.

Currently all symptoms are back to being huge and unbearable, I think my father assaulting me almost 2 weeks ago caused something to snap.

I feel a tremndous amount of rage now, and have anger outburts as well, violent ones, which is not part of who I really am I suppose.

3 years ago I was raped, and lost my mind which then I lost my daugther, she was adopted while I was trying to get it together with no outside help and more abuse by the hands of others. I have a 1yr old son and fear for his future of becoming a normal child if I do not get well.

I used to work in the medical field but due to injury that is over. I had back surgery 5 weeks ago.

My mind races, super neat freak, I can't rest, I have palpatations and chest pain, highly and easily irritable, untrusting and cynical. There are so many triggers as well. I fear going in public again and look at my feet when I walk and reverted back to isolating. I have not a great deal of hope right now.

My older brother is a vet from the recent war and also has PTSD. He chose alcohol and drugs when he got back, landed in prison, and will soon be released. Alcoholic mother, abusive recovering alcoholic father, extremley insecure partner mentally abusive relationship, sets me off and I have become abusive towards.

We all co habitat right now unfourtantley. History of him abusing me.

I need hope, I need advice to what works, what doesnt, I need to laugh, I need to know it does get better.

Hypervigilance needs to take a vacation:)

 

[JillM]

I really hope that you can find some support, comfort, and help here, you seem to have so much with which to deal. All the best.

 

[BigBear]

Hi E,

We are glad you are here. We are a community and have everything (2d) that you could need.

Bear

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Hi and welcome to the forum:) I hope you will find this place to be a treasure trove of hope, help, support and encouragement, It sure has helped me so much. It is nice to meet you.

You have so much going on. There are alot of people here who will understand you. You are not alone.

 

[Elizabeth7]

We are glad you are here.

Thank you very much!:)

 

[Elizabeth7]

Hi and welcome to the forum.

Thank you so very much. I indeed do, and it is a comfort to know I am not alone and have a place to come to where I can find hope, encouragement and help, as you said. Being understood is a tremendous comfort. The site, the information, and the people make me feel stronger, I smile and am encouraged at the stories and posts I see. You are very thoughtful and I look forward to getting online and being here with more enthusiam than a teenager does or has with facebook!:)

 

[Elizabeth7]

I really hope that you can find some support, comfort, and help here, you seem to have so much with which to deal.

From the bottom of my heart I give you thanks. I do, and I am so grateful to be apart of this site, and I know with the more I learn (exspecially coping mechanisims) as well as the support and friendship of people here, I have a better chance at facing all this without being totally consumed by the terrible symptoms of this disorder. It is sad yet good to say that in 2 days I have found more concern, felt more loved than any of my family or friends convey. I hope your having a good day