ErinGallagher
New Here
I found this site after searching Lupus and PTSD. I'm a single mom of 3, I have Lupus and recently learned (through testing in an attempt to add MS to my "resume") that I have PTSD. I thought I knew what PTSD was, but had no idea the diagnosis would ever apply to me. I've never been through anything more traumatic than a car accident, so I thought... By the time I was 25 I had more life experiences than most people twice my age. I married at 19 and divorced by 24, my mother died a year later after a long illness, I began living an extremely self-destructive life. I have a BS in Sociology and it all sounded pretty normal to me.. until my neuropsychiatrist sat down with me and started to really dissect my time line, that's when reality really came home.
I live every day in constant combat mode. My son has some behavioral issues that are a constant struggle. I don't have a support system, so life is difficult enough with 3 children, behavior issues, no support, and Lupus can be a debilitating struggle. All of that is tolerable without the final added stress. My ex is a Narcissistic, borderline personality, who cannot handle NOT being in control. He is constantly in and out of the children's lives, going as long as 4 months with no visit or phone call. He's emotionally abusive and with the things he says to me directly, I can only imagine what he says about me to my children. There is always an argument around the corner, an accusation, a berating name, a cancellation, a liud comment... Anything to make himself feel better. How could anyone doubt my poor son would act out and need help of his own?
If there's one thing I do, it's take care of my children. It doesn't matter if it's one of those days that I can't stand to feel the floor under my feet or my head is so foggy that I can barely string a sentence together, they are fed and they are clean and they have clothes. I live in fear that my ex is waiting for me to do one thing, just one, that he can grab hold of and claim grounds for custody. Now to find out that 12 years later, PTSD could be a large part of my condition, it seems the final piece of the puzzle has fallen into place. Maybe now I can get the Lupus under control and actually WANT to wake up in the mornings.
I'm very new to all of this. There have been a lot of tears shed the last few days. If anyone has any suggestions, I would love to hear them. I hope I haven't whined or been long winded, it's just all so overwhelming. My only prayer is that, one day, I will feel human again.
I live every day in constant combat mode. My son has some behavioral issues that are a constant struggle. I don't have a support system, so life is difficult enough with 3 children, behavior issues, no support, and Lupus can be a debilitating struggle. All of that is tolerable without the final added stress. My ex is a Narcissistic, borderline personality, who cannot handle NOT being in control. He is constantly in and out of the children's lives, going as long as 4 months with no visit or phone call. He's emotionally abusive and with the things he says to me directly, I can only imagine what he says about me to my children. There is always an argument around the corner, an accusation, a berating name, a cancellation, a liud comment... Anything to make himself feel better. How could anyone doubt my poor son would act out and need help of his own?
If there's one thing I do, it's take care of my children. It doesn't matter if it's one of those days that I can't stand to feel the floor under my feet or my head is so foggy that I can barely string a sentence together, they are fed and they are clean and they have clothes. I live in fear that my ex is waiting for me to do one thing, just one, that he can grab hold of and claim grounds for custody. Now to find out that 12 years later, PTSD could be a large part of my condition, it seems the final piece of the puzzle has fallen into place. Maybe now I can get the Lupus under control and actually WANT to wake up in the mornings.
I'm very new to all of this. There have been a lot of tears shed the last few days. If anyone has any suggestions, I would love to hear them. I hope I haven't whined or been long winded, it's just all so overwhelming. My only prayer is that, one day, I will feel human again.
