Fear Of Touch Anyone?

[Philippa]

I want something that will cause me pain.

Sorry, can you please clarify this for me? I'm not sure if it's just that you left out words or...? I'm just not sure what you mean here?

 

[JustBe]

I need to explore why I don't like to be touched by people (I love hugs and cuddles from my dogs) I know I find it very uncomfortable
and even when I hug someone I Love and I initiate it, I'm kind of outside myself looking in and not just enjoying the moment. A for intimacy...not for decades and maybe never again.

 

[Tanishq]

my body just goes back to all those years in the hospital and prepares itself for an onslaught of pain. And then the rest is history, dissociation and the whole sha-bang.

It sounds you want to overcome those hurtful memories which happened in your past. I am sorry you had to go through much pain those days.

Phoenix, do you still have to go intense hospital procedures or surgery kind of?

It has become trigger in your mind, I am thinking.

 

[southern.belle]

I have a fear of touch for different reasons but I understand totally the debilitating nature that you talk about. Be kind to yourself and take your time with it. Begin slowly and trust yourself that YOU know how much or how little feels ok. Good luck with your journey.

 

[AngelaMarie]

I feel so vulnerable and feel silly that I would just now like to be hugged like a child would be. Silly huh? I probably couldn't do it.

 

[txtrace]

I have a difficult time with touch as well. I'm glad I'm not from a family of "huggers", at least I rarely have to deal with the issue with them. I do live in a community of huggers and this is difficult because this causes panic attacks. Most of my good friends have noticed this and have backed off but I have to deal with the others. I am also having nerve pain now due to injuries I sustained in my car crash so not only is touch uncomfortable psychologically but physically as well. As a result I don't get out a lot and feel more isolated. I can't even think of dating right now.

 

[Charmedone]

Before I remembered, I wasn't too bad but would sometimes find touch very difficult. Now, anything and everything can startle me, touch makes me jump and I tend to have a flash and freak if touched unexpectedly. I can handle hugs from children, but I genrally keep my distance from other adults. In shops and things, I avoid touch, if I accidently touch the shop keeper when exchanging money or something I start to panic.

I have some close friends that would hug me etc before but since I remembered I cant always be touched by them, sometimes I cant even sit next to them and have to move my chair away.

Jake is very good, he asks before hugging me which helps, but when he is hugging me my body goes all ridged and tense.

 

[Philippa]

I never wanted a car, but now I do because I hate being touched on trams and crowded public transport. I'm afraid of cars and people in cars, but I'd rather be in my own space on the road than have my physical boundaries violated by strangers on trams and trains.

 

[JustBe]

Philippa, I understand. I haven't used public transportation since the 90's and I don't even ride in someone elses car. I have to drive myself in case I need to escape.

 

[Anna]

I cannot stand people touching my face.

I have also been told I am very cold and withdrawn.

Sex tends to be or has been in the past sado/masochism as I found it very hard to be tender or loving towards a partner, or have them being tender towards me....

In general I find it very hard to be warm, it just doesn't seem natural to me. When I go out and see other couples interacting, I do get jealous sometimes. I wish I could have that, but I know I never will.

 

[Philippa]

Philippa, I understand. I haven't used public transportation since the 90's and I don't even ride in someone elses car. I have to drive myself in case I need to escape.

Yes, I just need to do it. I've put it off for a long time now, from not having the money, but enough's enough.

 

[intothelight]

Phoenix,

From what I have read, based upon your trauma, when you are touched you expect to and feel pain. Actually, that is pretty normal since most of the touch you had growing up involved painful medical procedures. For others, a lot of touch involved physical violence, and that too creates an aversion to physical contact.

It is confusing when a person desires human contact, but at the same time can't stand it. :confused: This is definitely something to address with your therapist, as desensitization or exposure therapy can help. (Not sure I am using the proper terms.)

The thing is, at this point you need to create a different response to touch so the old one is overridden. For me I am able to give and receive affection from my children because they are "safe". It is hard for me to give and receive affection from other people as a part of me still expects to be "hurt". But I find that the more times that I do, the less that "fear of being hurt" is, and I am able to be more comfortable.

It takes time and really stepping out of your comfort zone to do it. I know that I will never be a really "touchy feely" type of person, but I can give and receive affection and enjoy sexual intimacy again.

Here is a safe virtual (((Hug)))

Deb