Frustrated When It Doesn't Go Away

[findingmyself85]

I guess I am just sad. Very sad, and angry. That right when life seems to be going well, and I think I am cured, or all better. It hits me and I end up back down in a deep dark hole. Scared of life, and to come out. Ignoring my goals, and my life. all I see is the bad things. And the mistakes I have made. Trying to ignore it, and deny the pain. Only makes it worse =(. I just want to be happy like everyone else. Even if its not perfect. There is no such thing. To be close with friends and family. To feel connected to the world, would make me happy. To stop disociating, and numbing myself off. To feel paralyzed... to functioning, to loving, to making dinner. Feeling unable to do a thing, but rest on the couch, and even that is hard. Feeling sick. I wake up in the morning and feel fine, and think of everything to do, and want to go back to bed. Those days are SO hard. IT takes my all just to get through the day. But I guess getting through the day is an achomplishment all in itself =)

Racing thoughts, bad feelings. I keep praying, wishing, and hoping. I have to believe that life will get better. That I deserve more. We all do. No one should feel this way. And I have to believe I have the strength and power to get through this to the other side. These feelings and negative thinking is from the past and trauma- I have already gotten through it. Coming out stronger than before, so I can help the world heal. Help others find their hope and strength. To help others find their potential to be happy, healthy, and grow as a person.

 

[Red Feather]

You can findingmyself! You can. I am going through the same. You have that wish inside of you and that is already very good. Take baby steps and know that you don't have submit to what the negative voice is telling you. It's not you, it's the PTSD talking and you can get through it.

 

[findingmyself85]

Thanks very much for your words of wisdom. I guess I just need more guidance. I am looking back into therapy. I had stopped because I thought I was "fine" again. And I guess that was a stupid mistake... I am hoping to get a specialist in EMDR. I really hope it may help me. I have never tried it. I also am not on medication, which I am not sure is good or bad. But have been feeling a lot worse. So I need to look into help in order to get it. I guess my biggest issue is I feel so out of control of my life. I know its not true, that I can control things. But just have a lot on my plate, and hope to find some way of relieving these symptoms so I can achomplish my goals. =). Thanks again. Its nice to know I am not alone, but sorry that you are feeling so sad =(

 

[TeaLeaf]

I guess I am just sad. Very sad, and angry. That right when life seems to be going well, and I think I am cured, or all better. It hits me and I end up back down in a deep dark hole. Scared of life, and to come out. Ignoring my goals, and my life. all I see is the bad things. And the mistakes I have made. Trying to ignore it, and deny the pain. Only makes it worse =(. I just want to be happy like everyone else.

I really relate to your post, especially the part above I quoted from you. I recently had a horrible flashback a month ago and I haven't yet gotten back to where I was before it all happened, it's disappointing because I just think, "if that wouldn't have happened". I do notice that the bad times do not last as long and often are not as intense as they have been in the past. I try to tell myself that the more experience I have coping with difficulties when they come up, that the better I will be able to cope when they come up again.

I don't know whether medication is good or bad either. Several months ago, I decreased my dose of medication because I felt like it made it harder to connect with my feelings and other people. I noticed a lot of benefits from the decreased dose but I also know that to be healthy mentally, I have to do more to take care of myself because I can't set my feelings aside as easily as I did before. Sometimes I think it is worth it, sometimes I don't

I'm sorry that you are feeling sad, hope you start to feel better soon.

 

[matthios]

To feel paralyzed... to functioning, to loving, to making dinner. Feeling unable to do a thing, but rest on the couch, and even that is hard. Feeling sick.

I know that one all too well... (he says typing from his couch.)

 

[Britt.f7]

I have been stuck on my couch for the last couple months. Not wanting to go anywhere or do anything.

At night, I do think of the things I could do the following day, but it doesn't happen.

I'm trying to get past this with therapy and medication.

I wish for all of us to get beyond this as it just makes our condition worse.