Sufferer Hi There.

[Johnny1975]

Hi there - a bit about me.
Im 35 and from england.
I was abused as a child - yeah it sucks bigstyle.
Lived for 30 years in total ignorance.
Was totally dissociated from the first 8 years of my life.
Spent the last few years recovering memories.
Currently getting formally diagnosed.
SHrink says i have ptsd and suffer from dissociation . (yeah no kidding hey?! lol)
- These people love pointing out the obvious.

How my lifes affected - Black-outs where i lose conciousness. Totally fragmented identity. Flashbacks, most of the time im not aware when im in them.

Anyway - just wanted to find a place where i can share with others. Hopefully some nice people.

-> I have to be honest. Ive had some TERRIBLE experiences sharing personal stuff like this online.
Ive found places where you can hardly say anything, and you have to tip-toe on eggshells.
Ive found these enviroments very competitive aswell, which sucks.

Thanks, Johnny.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Hi Johnny...

Welcome to the forum......You will find here, that if you follow the rules, that things run pretty well. You can say just about anything, without feeling like you are walking on eggshells. We are not competitive, and no one will ask you to say more than you are will too. You tell your story, when and how you feel the need......

 

[Farine]

Hello Johnny! I'm new here too. I've had a very useful experience here so far.

Searching the past posts and topics has opened alot of possibilities for me. If that's most of what you do here, I would think you would benefit. Welcome!

 

[ccord]

I'm new here too. I like this place so far because it seems calm, not like a lot of ultra-competitive places. Hopefully it's a good place to be... it feels like one! Thinking of you.

 

[Tiger Kitten]

Welcome to the forum. I hope you find the support and the information you are looking for.

Just out of curiosity what is there to be competitive about? We all suffer. We are all trying to make our lives better. How is there even a competitive option in that. Forgive me for being naive, but PTSD sounds like a really stupid thing to be competitive about. Who wins in the competition? In my opinion, there are no winners and losers at the "game" of PTSD. There are only people trying to cope with an injury that is devastating and making the best out of their lives. Making a competition out of something that sucks to have doesn't make any sense at all.

Tiger

 

[Chris1958]

Ms. She Cat- I hope you understand how powerful your words are. When I found this site tonight I read a few posts and cried. For the first time I didn't feel alone. Jonny, never give up, we can make it.

 

[Johnny1975]

Thanks for the welcome all.


Tiger-Kitten - I dont know. Ive never understood it. Its complicated. The forums I've been on before have been for abuse survivors. Your right - we are all victims, we should support each other.

Thanks all.

 

[Johnny1975]

Hello all again,

After 5 years of blackouts, flashbacks etc, I've finally been officially diagnosed with Complex PTSD, something I've known I've had personally for all this time. Feel like a relief to be validated.... but also makes me feel bitter that its took this long.
I feel like i belong here now, whilst before I felt like a fake.

I was conditioned to respect authority without question as part of my abuse, so the damage my previous shrink did (By labelling me incorrectly) was very damaging.

 

[Sailorgal]

Welcome back Johnny!

It's a relief to finally have it made official. But I hope in the future that it will not stop you from "knowing what you know" whether you are given an official diagnosis or not. Labels are labels and C-PTSD or PTSD isn't the same everyday or the same in everyone. It's the ever evolving boogie monster.

 

[Johnny1975]

Thanks Sailorgal, :)

So true. It's a nightmare. The label is just a label, like you say. I've been offered meds again. I'm scared of taking meds because I was drugged as part of my trauma as a child. He's also offered me therapy, so I'm happy to have found a good shrink.

 

[timid_flower]

I feel like i belong here now

Welcome back :)

I know what you mean, it is validating to get an official diagnosis. I'm glad you have found a better doctor.

 

[Sailorgal]

Im scared of taking meds because i was drugged as part of my trauma as a child.

I would closely monitor any reactions you have, whether it's triggers or side effects (I know can be hard to tell at times) to have adjustments made, whether the dosage strength or different one altogether. Don't be afraid to let your therapist and doctor know asap. Some people wait too long and suffer a bit before getting it rectified. Even though they are the "professionals," it's your body and you know what you can tolerate. :)